a poem written
on 15th of May
on the amidst of lonely 2018
with a shimmer of hope
for a beginning of lifetime
I remembered how it started
but now I don't want to remember
how things were changed
told you!
I'm freakin' right haha!
good for me, I believed
"... but not fully"

thank you, it hurts
when you came in just to leave.

You said, “I’ll go find another love, I’ll go fill the emptiness.
I’ll find something better than you.
I’ve been putting my faith in the wrong person, trusting too easily, falling too hard.”

You will not find another love, you will not fill the emptiness.
It will follow you. You will fill your body with toxins.
And you will not find something better than me, and you will roam from bottle to bottle, drowning in your sorrow. I will always come back to you. Don’t look elsewhere -
There is no trust in you, there is no faith.
As you have wasted your life here,
With those bottles, so you have ruined mine.

~ j.l.

Here you come
To live another day
God wakes you up to breathe
Don't be sorrowful, dear
Because He is the Merciful One
Connect yourself
With him, all the time
You will survive, live and thrive.

On the very boring street of Venetia Avenue
A child, not unlike you or me, looked through
A crack in the pavement.
What did he see? Many have asked
The same question we ponder today.
In reality, it does not matter
But I will tell you nonetheless
Under our feet looms another world
One of people who lead polar lives
In the land of Mundus
All is grey and glum
Because you can't invert a world of invention;
You will end up with only desire
For what will cease to exist
Upon a second visit.

What is this love I so often feel
How do I know that it's even real
Will it be there when I wake from sleep
Or will it be gone, never mine to keep

I wanted to love you so
But you had other plans
You betrayed my trust and broke my heart
All for another man

I thought you were the one from my dreams
Our humor matched just like ripped seams
But in the end you were scared off
You left me here to scream

I don't know why I thought I loved you
I guess I was just lonely
But when it came right down to it
You really were just phony

I know I didn't love you
Not in the way we needed
But at least we had our fun
Neither of us pleaded

Now you're right back in my life
And I've fallen once again
All you want is someone other
I guess we'll just be friends

Please tell me why I am cursed so
To live this life without another
All I want is you to love
But you always seem to love another

I've decided that I'm sick
of *******

specifically
the kind with
long(ish)
scruffy(ish)
blond(ish)
hair and blueblue eyes
and a face
that makes my heart rise up
and beat in my throat
and my words catch
and stumble over themselves

because it's dawned on me that
being beautiful is not enough
and though some would argue
that he's not beautiful at all
sometimes I agree
sometimes not

like the day his braces came off and
suddenly I couldn't look
anywhere but his lips
and I couldn't think of anything but
french kissing
even though I've never really
kissed anyone
outside my head

or the day we were running
the worst hill
the hill of hills
over and over and over
and I noticed that
he has this splotch
below his ribs
which is darker than his skin
a birthmark
which somehow made my lips
curl in a small smile to myself
an imperfection within perfection
is perfection
in a way

but then he opens his mouth
and ruins it
and I'm sick of being disappointed
(although it's my fault too)

and so with that
I say
I'm sick of *******
because

kindness is striking
when you're used to loving someone
who isn't kind

when you've accepted
the carelessness
as if nothing matters
as if your heart doesn't matter  
as if you won't determine your own self worth
upon his interaction with you
you forget

but I'm done with that

this is not the end
but it is the beginning of it
and I'm glad because
I think it's best
for us both

and who knows
maybe someday
he'll figure out
how to be
something other than *******