It needs to just leave me alone.
Let me sleep.
Leave me with thoughts of love.
Not thoughts of panic.

Welcome to my Panic Room.
Where instead of sleep,
Thoughts of terror come into play.
And I can feel the swelling of my throat;
As if I were allergic to the tragedy.
My heart beats as if it were a horse race.

Welcome to my Panic Room.
Where a bed lay in the center.
One I wish to sleep upon and dream of fearing nothing.
Yet I sit in the corner;
All curled up to protect myself from the monster that's coming.
Only to realize, every time,
The monster is inside me.

Broken clouds leak endless rain
Summer has its own blues, I guess

When the sun returns and smiles upon the gray
You'll find me basking in the light

My mind is an ocean
It's harsh waves drowning the things I cannot say for fear of harsh judgements
Toying with the things I want to
Like a small boat on the open water
The darkening skies harboring no nice weather
For your boat is out too far to return safely
You are alone tonight
With your bottle you plan on drinking dry
Your solitude can be your savior but it can also be your demise
And all that's left is me sitting here in silence, wondering why.

Loving you was like eating green grapes.

Pushing, pushing, then pop through the skin.

Tasting the sweet success
Letting it flood my mouth
Only making me want more.

But green grapes are sour at their peak of ripeness, at their most beautiful.

The sour sting in my jaw is what it feels like after your sweetness was gone,
Affter I couldn't think about you without wondering if maybe that thick skin was thick for a reason.

That maybe green grapes should come with a warning label.

If you fall off the highest point of your life, I will no longer be your net. I will be the concrete. And if you lay there long enough, I will liquefy into the IV that goes into your arm. And if you don't move I will be the oxygen mask. See, my mind is the hospital in which you will stay. My arms will be the blanket and my heart will be the nurse. But I will never hold you too tightly because I don't want you to confuse the water in the IV with the ocean. Because the ocean drowns people. The ocean will take you away like driftwood.
My body is the hospital. But remember a hospital is a building, and a building cannot stand without support beams underneath.

I don't want a Hollywood love.
I don't want a hot pink, blazing hot love.

I want my love to be cotton briefs.
I want my love to cradle that which I hold dear.
I want my love to be gentle and soft,
But only I can feel it.
You don't share your underpants
As such I don't share my love. It is only mine.

I want my love to make others feel uncomfortable when I talk about it. Because the more I rant on, the more they realize that while sometimes it sounds constricting, it keeps you all together when you need to move.

I want my love to be marked with my last name.
To have and to hold forever.
Because I know that my love will be with me
Through all the ****, all the *******, and every last bit of life.
Even if my love rides up every once in a while
I know that it's just trying it's best. And I love my love for that.

Stained.
Like the blood on my hands have dried to a crust.
My heart had thawed but now has freezer burn.
The strands of blonde that were bleached last year.
The words that I won't forget.
Stained.
Like the white dress that has now turned yellow.
The dried candle wax that won't come off the carpet.
Don't love me, or I will become hard.
Don't leave me
Or I will become,
Stained.