"Feel like coming back to life!
(Im falling)
Feel like coming back to life
(This black crow becomes a white dove)
Feel like coming back to liiife
(Im falling again, im falling again I'm
Falling in Love)"
#Blindsided

shall i make you immortal
turn you into a poem
a mournful sonnet
a worshiping ode
should i press your figure
between the pages
or to form you as a masterpiece
this beautiful creek of thought
to make you a poem
is to remember you
and to remember you
is the uttermost fear.

I remember you quite well.  
Your face, the way you spoke.
The way your body felt in a warm embrace.
It all floods back from my memory.
Right now.
It's been about 4 years since we met.
                        4 years.
You told me you'd never forget me.
I remember the first time you told me you loved me.
My God we were so young.
It's been about 3 years since you wrote me the first letter in the series of many.
                        3 years.
You told me I was perfect and that stars are not nearly  as beautiful as my eyes.
It was the first time I truly felt that was true.
It's been about 2 years since we stayed up at your house, eating pizza, talking to each other about the wonders of life at 3 am.
                        2 years.
And I still stay up that late almost all the time, thinking about how you hugged me and told me I was wonderful and everything would be okay, and how for the first time in my life I had someone to talk to. I've never had that after you.
It's been about 1 year since we slept in each other's arms and you made me jump on your back and we ran through the pouring rain together.
                         1 year.
We came to a stop. We sat on the bench right next to the lake. We spoke and all I could pay attention to was the way you said my name like it was the religion you practiced and the way the water dropped down your face and body like you were being baptized.
You kissed me then.

I've never felt so holy in my life.

It's been 4 years since we met.
It's been 3 years since I knew I loved you.
It's been 2 years since you saw the real raw unabridged version of myself.
It's been 1 year since I was saved.
And it's been my whole life I've been waiting for someone like you.

Tragically, my love, I don't think you even know my favourite color or the way I love to sing anymore.

You used to think of me every minute of every day.
4
You used to think of me often.
3
You used to think of me sometimes.
2
You used to think of me once in a blue moon.
1
You stopped thinking of me, just like that.
I lost my faith like I lost you.

I want you to write your name with your tongue inside of my mouth so I can feel it every time I speak

Green I am not,
Nor red,
More a peachy pink,
Or a delicate blue,
In my feelings for you.
My eyes are not large,
When they look upon your lover,
Tho my heart turns over,
I am quick to smile,
You are happy.

"Wait a year, they said, wait a year and things will get better. They think one single lapse of a human’s concept of collected time can change anything. A year she waited, she listened; she had to. But the year came, and the year then went, and nothing had changed. The girl was left with nothing. There was a hole, a chasm, never to be filled and never to be touched. There was nothing left and soon she could not find words, syllables, even sound."

A year ago, this is what I expected. Funny how a character I created much darker than I, actually reflected the shadows of my soul. I never realized she was me, the darker me, the hidden me, the me I was after I lost Him.

The depression is real. Its is apart of me. The swirling vortex I'm so afraid of I have to accept. But it doesn't mean I cannot smile. The turbulent tremors of my aching heart will forever be apart of me, but they do not control me. I control me.

Control. That is something I thought I lacked, but I realize it is my strength. Without my strength, the dark wonderlands of my heart would have taken me already, to a place that would be darker than imagined.

I didn't want the world to see me, because I didn't think they'd understand. And when it came to him, I was right. He didn't understand why I couldn't just **** it up and smile, why my outlook wasn't so positive, why I was looking at the world so darkly.

Its a dark world, darling, if he knew me, he'd know its actually optimism most days. But no, all he saw was the darkness and how I could not overcome it and it broke me from him, like a rock from a shore.

I felt like a rock with him, not a season, that is until I met more people who could understand, who could see my face behind these broken eyes. It murdered my never-ending love for him, because I could finally see I could do better, I could be happier.

Bipolar 2.

That's me, but it doesn't control me.

Not anymore.