whatever you do
dare not to stare
they will take you places
do not be willing
to go there

they are tainted
they will ruin you
right from the start
cover your body
protect your heart

puppy dog eyes
bedroom glares
never fall captive
to scorpio or pisces
no matter who dares

i'm sorry.
i'm sorry that i fell for you,
and you fell for me.
i'm sorry i try to be
someone i'm
not,
just so you won't
worry.
i'm sorry i don't
fit into your cookie cutter
format, even though
i'm dying to.
i'm sorry i don't see
myself the way you
say you do and
i'm sorry that i
will never love
myself
the way you say you
love me i'm sorry.

What to do when you don't know what to do anymore: a beginners guide to how to repair emotional impairment**

1. stop trying to force yourself to write romantic poetry and listen to romantic music like you used to and think about him when you write it [[i'm thinking of him now]]. the spark that you saw in his eye and the flame that burned through your chest and touched your heart is gone, don't try to start it again [[even though i want to]].

2. accept the fact that maybe that flame was never there to begin with [[but i thought it was]]

3. take every single **** moment you two have ever had, everything he has ever told you, all the memories [[and the hugs and smiles, the jokes and the laughter, the way you remember his eyes lighting up like lightning when you would make him laugh]] you keep replaying whenever you see his eyes even if it's just for a moment, all the stupid texts that he's sent you at one, two, three am about life, and try to get over them [[ignore that you've been trying so **** long already]]. don't shove them to the back of your mind because you're too scared to let go [[im scared]] and don't push them to the front of your mind so that you can just sulk over the fact that they are gone and ended and you two don't act like you used to around each other anymore [[but i wish we did]]

4. delete those songs that remind you of him [[but its all of them]] and get new one for new memories that are promised in the summer kissed air outside of your constrained bedroom that has heard all of your nightmares and seen all of your tears [[and all of the hatred]]  

5. try to move on [[but i cant]] and dont be afraid to let down the walls of your heart again. don't put your walls up to begin with anymore [[i thought he was different but he wasnt]] because you know that you have to be the strong, independent, beautiful girl everyone sees [[but i can't be her]] so that you can win over his heart with a single swift smile and eyes that gleam like the last summer sunset he saw

6. try to repiece your broken self and try to have fun [[im too damaged]] and smile in the mirror at yourself because in the end he does not matter to you anymore [[yes he does]] and so what if he is starting to forget you? you can forget him too [[but i cant]]. dont be lonely [[im so ******* lonely]] because you choose to just focus on him; allow yourself to be loved by every inch of someone else, from their golden soul to their golden heart [[who can love someone this broken?]]

7. stop with the "i'm fine's" and be honest [[lying with my smile is the best tool]] because he will listen [[when he wants to]]

and finally,

8. acknowledge that you are a [**]t, [pe]rfect, al[l]uring, [e]nthu[s]ia[s]tic girl

When he says he doesn't love you anymore don't look around like you're waiting for the sky to fall. Take a deep breath and keep your eyes steady. Whatever you do, don't look down. Stare at a spot on the wall if you can't bear to look at him without losing your composure. Don't let your hands fumble for something to hold onto. Ball them into fists and ignore the urge to cover your face. Don't hide yourself from him while he breaks your heart. Turn your expression to stone and listen silently while he makes empty apologies. Don't scream, don't ask why, and please darling, don't ask him to change his mind. If he ever really loved you he wouldn't be doing this. He doesn't deserve you. Restrain the angry, betrayed side of yourself. Let it tire inside your head, don't let it out, it will only make things worse. Hold your tongue when it begins to plead "don't leave me alone", don't give him any more power over you. I know all you want to do is wrap yourself around him and hold on for dear life, but you can't do that. His arms will no longer hold your broken pieces together so you better start to learn how to do it yourself. When he gets up to leave ignore the empty feeling in your chest and the knots in your stomach. Don't chase after him, not even to lock the door. When you hear him drive away shut off your phone and take a deep breath. Turn on the shower and get in. Wash your hair and cry a little bit, then have some soup and go to bed. When you wake up the next morning don't call him. Go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and understand that you are enough. Take a break from dating when you realize you look for parts of him in everyone you see. Don't kiss another boy until you know you won't picture his face when you close your eyes. Maybe in time the two of you will find each other again, but for now you need to take care of yourself.