1,2,3,4,5.
5 months till my birthday
Birth-death
Maybe it will be my death date too
Hope so
That's what I'll wish for sure

I miss him and I shouldn't say ******* having lost someone I love
I miss him and I should stop thinking how ****** up the world is
I miss him and hiding things is terrible
I miss you and I wish you were here
I wish I could have said goodbye

I have so many faults
and you overthink about them
but I am not a bad person I swear
And it keeps up all night
thinking these thoughts are killing you
I wish I didn't make these mistakes but I wouldn't know what I do now

Lately,
I have been smoking a lot.
Drinking more.
Thinking about suicide higher than before.

Sadness.
Sweet sadness..
I have missed you.

He's different from the others
He has such pure soul
He is every girl's type
Making girls fall in love wherever
he goes
But he takes me home

He's different from the others
He has that **** look thing
He is so special
Making girls throw themselves
at him
*But he walks me home

So this is what my life has become
Waiting for a message
Waiting for something
to make my dull life exciting
Waiting for sth that I know that will never come
Is it worth waiting for?

Will there ever be someone who understands me?
Who gets my humour,who who sees my true self
Not the one who I may seem like
The depressed weird girl who has cuts on her thigh and wrist
Who can't wear dresses and shorts near family members bc they are going to see it
The girl who hates places and loves sarcasm
The girl who loves people but hates them more than anything
That depressed weird girl who nobody wants to know and nobody ever will

From a young age the friends I had became less and less..
They saw the real me,my mess so they left me.
Now I am not surprised when they leave
*I expect them to

Cigarette after cigarette

Your goodmornings and goodnights
make my day
You are so special to me
Never gotten tired at me

*You are the sun,the moon and stars
of my heart

I want to quit.  
I don't feel like telling them
every thing that goes through my mind.
I never did.
I hided things.
I always hide stuff.
But I don't know when my therapy will end
and that scares me.
Quiting it sounds good right now..

The clock ticked it's 5 am
I am laying in my bed
Smoking a cigarette
Thinking of all the wrongs in my life..

Sadness hits you at nights
It makes you wish you had disappeared
Makes you numb,makes you cry
Makes you wanna die

I wish I didn't felt this way
Wish I could rewind 7 years
to a different day

One day I will feel proud in my skin.
One day I won't have to cut everywhere just to destroy it.

*One day

Put your skin on my my skin
Let our hands unravel the secrets of our bodies
Every curve,every line
The surface of your body

My body screams for your touch
Why can't you hear it?
Why won't you?

You aren't here though
Will you ever be?

Killing myself never seemed so good
as it is right now
I am screaming at the top of my lungs
yet you can't hear it
Ι guess this is goodbye

I say the wrong things and hurt people
because people have hurt me all my life.
They never said ''hey I am sorry for the pain
I caused you.''
I think everyone is lying to me..

I wish I wasn't like that.
I wish I had jumped off that cliff.
Then the demons would disappear
*And the darkness would appear

Too late to change my mind
your opinion doesn't matter to me
I am better off dead

You don't have the right
You don't know me
That's what ****** me off about people
Thinking they know soemebody
because they knew him a year ago.

A person can change so much in a year you have no idea

Useless *******,
that's what they call me.
They are right.I am.
I shouldn't be here.