I needed space,
So I could find myself,
Support myself for once,
Instead of holding other people,
One could say im selfish,
But I need to fix myself,
Before I can help anyone else.

Everyone is made of glass,
Some are durable than others,
But we are all fragile.

I feel cold,
Cold to touch,
Cold inside,
My senses are becoming numb,
My world is turning darker and darker,
Until I am one with the void.

when i say black lives matter,
i'm saying all lives matter
but right now our white people
aren't being murdered
for earning extra money for their families
or for a broken taillight,
it is the black people who are murdered
for representing all that is human
black lives are the lives
that are buried in the ground
and painted on white faces
because they're going to a music festival.
black lives are the lives
that result in names
printed in fine print,
displayed by candles and tears,
they are the lives
men in blue take each day
because their job
is to serve and protect.
who are you serving and protecting?
take your blue suit off
and put on a kkk robe
because the oath that you took
is not the oath you are practicing.
so when i say black lives matter,
i am saying there is a great injustice
i am saying save those people
i am saying our brothers and sisters are dying
i am saying they are our family.
all lives cannot matter
until black lives do.

15 steps until I hit the front door.
15 steps until I wrap my arms around you.
15 steps until I breathe in the smell of cigarettes and diesel fuel.

Waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of chocolate banana milkshakes being made.
Sitting on the dining room chair with his headphones falling off my head.

15 steps is all it takes to run out the front door, just the clothes on our back.
15 steps trembling in fear.
15 steps of my heart beating out of my chest.

Waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of screams.
Sitting in the passenger seat of the SUV, not knowing who's house we would be sleeping at that night.

The many years of sleepless nights and tears.
The many years of broken promises and nightmares.
But I will always remember those 15 steps of excitement, hope, chaos and terror.

Maybe one day you will remember late night milkshakes.
Maybe one day you will remember not knowing where your family was on those nights.

Maybe one day, you will remember how to be a Dad.

it is so tiring,
having to bring meaning to things
i thought i had forgotten.
and i am so sorry that your name
is the only word my ink has written,
and i apologize for the smudges,
it can't be helped,
sometimes my words blend together.
they say when you spend time with people,
you begin to mimic their behaviour,
and i started smudging and blending
your name beside 'stop',
just like you did to me
with love and hate.

a paper planet,
made of paper countries,
paper cities, paper towns,
and paper people.
a number on the bottom
that is never quite precise,
and the coordinates
of your happy place,
written in blue ink,
accompanied by a coffee ring
and a crease in the middle.
is this what it looks like,
perspective?
faults and failures
and everybody in one place?