here i sit, qlone and broken,
finaly my eyes are wide open,
it seems that i've been living in a dream.
my worst nightmare has come true.
the gleam in your eye is not for me,
but the destain in mine is for you.

you who con damsils in distress
with your fast talking lies, and your puppy dog eyes.
you, souless animal, monster in my disguise,
you are the one, i will forever despise.

as long as my heart goes on beating,
i will never open the doors for you,
i gave that key to somebody new,
after you toar my heart in two.

somebody amazing, who loves me,
cause i saw the light, you're nowher near a dark knight.
just an imposter, with a heart cold dark and ugly.

i roll my eyes, shake my head and let out a deep sigh. "no dad... she was there. just because you didn't see her there doesnt mean that i'm just 'crazy and making it all up in my head'" i snickered.   but does it? "im so tired of being judged and treated like some kind of fragile phsychopath. thats all you see when you look at me, you dont even know me anymore.. you don't even try. you leave that up to all of my councelors, and ****** therapists" i shake my head in frustration "i'm not crazy" i say, almost as if i'm trying to reasure myself. "charlotte... i, i dont know what to say." my father is lost for words and completly and utterly broken. "i've always just wanted what was best for you and your brother but somewhere along the line i must have failed you" i stare into space, nearly bursting into tears. i've never felt this guilty in my entire life.

it seems that you
always have an excuse, for all of your lies,
neglect and abuse. there is a sob story behind
every mistake, you're turning me, into a pitaful catastrophe.
i dont know how much more this heavy heart can take.

does it help you get to sleep at night?
while its keeping me awake.
im slowly crumbling, i'm begining to break.

a gun to the head would be more merciful ,
then what you've done to me, a rusty dagger in
my back, and an aching in my heart.
you're killing me softly but slowly.

my father sighs "it is terrible, all of those people have lost their homes now... we should be thankful that we have a roof over our heads and clothes to put on our backs, im sure that all of rheir belongins were damaged in that fire." i nod sadly. he has a devistated look in his eyes, my father cares deeply for others. hes very sensitive and things effect him alot more than others. i guess thats where me and charlie got it from, because now i have the same devistated look in my eyes. "did you see the little old woman with the pink nightgown on?" i question. "she looked so lost."
"no, i didn't see an old woman." my father replys with a look of confusion, devistation, and concern. "how could you not see her? she stuck out like a sore thumb." i sadly reply. "she kept watching us..."
"charlotte." my father turns and looks into my eyes, his voice is calm but very serious and stern and he looks shocked and bewildered "there was no little old woman."

i sit in the passenger side of my dads old beat up chevy. it's early october and the rain is pooring down hard, i will be 18 soon. my fathers eyes widen and he stretches out his neck as we stumble upon a burning building. "looks like there must have been some kind of accident." he says sympatheticly. there are fire trucks and ambulances. people surround the building in tears, some wrapped up in blankets, and some hugging one another. but there is one woman who looks very lost, and out of place. she stares up at the building in confusion. her hair is very long and itlooks as if she hasnt brushed it in weeks. her skin is very pail and she wears a pink nightgown, covered in flowers. she looks very feeble and fragile, and as if she might be in her laight 80s. "she didnt make it" someone in the crowd crys out.  the woman stands out, like she's in a fog. and the crowd doesnt even notice her presence as they console one another. the woman turns and looks at me and my father as we slowly drive by. her stare is eerie and unsettling. something about her presence makes my heart feel heavy. and i can't seem to shake the feeling even after she is nolonger in sight. i look back at her, and she's still watching me.  i raise an eyebrow and turn my head back around and sigh. "how terrible."

ambulance sirens wail.
as i stagger to the door.
dried up tears stain my cheeks.
pills scattered on the floor.

bruises cover my body,
and i can barely breathe.
remembering your final words,
as i begged you not to leave.

my head is pounding,
my stomache turns,
all of my insides ache and burn.

they rush me to the hospital.
where i sit on a hard cot, with nothing
but a thin blanket,
no i've never felt more alone.
im treated like a prisoner here.
you'd think that i'd feel more at home.