i am in a steele cage, the bars are cold and rusty. the cage is surrounded by barbed wire. i can hear a man hysterically laughing in the distance. but i cant see him,it's dark and i am surrounded by fog. where am i?   the laughter is sadistic and malicious. i grab the bars and pull them as hard as i can the barbed wire digging into my palms, i begin to bleed. i try to scream but nothing comes out. my eyes widden with fear. and the laughter gets louder. like it's taunting me. i begin to cry and i open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out and i begin to cough up blood. blood spills from my mouth like a horrifying flood and i stare down at my ******, trembling hands in terror. suddenly i see a face make it's way out of the fog. it is a man with dark shoulder length hair and a beard. he wears an army jacket, old tattered blue jeans and black work boots. his stare is cold and blank. and i feel like his souless black eyes are slowly ******* the life out of me. he laughs in my face and i cover my eyes in terror.

i awake in shock. my heart races, my hands shake. i still feel like i'm in the nightmare. i take a deep breath and close my eyes. letting out a deep sigh.

paranoid chapter 1


Charlottes p.o.v

i cry until im sick, coughing and short of breath. i cry hysterically. i feel like i have been hit in the chest with a stray bullet. and i dont look up until i can't feel him there anymore. eventhough i know deep inside that the illousion of charlie will come back, it always comes back... nomatter where i am. busses, street corners, asylums. mom and dad think that if we move far away that everything will change. that i'll stop seeing charlie. that i'll be 'miraculously cured'. that they'l finaly have there daughter back. and that they will finaly be able to move on, and stop grieving the loss of their only son. i don't blame them, everything in the old house reminds me of charlie, too. but i know that when we move that nothing will change, that theres no hope for me, that i'm just as dead as he is. but thats not what hurts the most. what hurts the most is knowing that i'm going to let them down, and destroy any little bit of hope that they might have had for me. i am nothing but a burden. and there is nothing that i can do about it. i cry until im tired, and i slip into a deep sleep.

there are ghosts from my past, shamelesly they build a wall, a wall around my broken heart, atleast a billion feet tall.
like zombies in the night, chasing me as i burn, running for my life, finding them at every turn.
relentlessly taunted, sadisticly haunted, changing the way that i see, i see no light, only darkness, my heart it has been hardened. are they making a ghost out of me?

i took a handfull of pills one day
hoping i would fly away,
and see jesus face to face,
escaping this god forsaken place.
i thought that it would set me free,
from being a living tragedy.
but i began to feel very sick.
i felt as if i had been hit in the head with a brick.
my stomache turned, and i began to cry.
i never really wanted to die. but now im gone.
and im never coming back.
daddys at my funeral, all toarn up and dressed in black. 
mom is busy crying, she would give the world, anything to get back her dear baby girl.
and i rot away, and all of my hopes anddreams they do too..., because i made a big mistake, thatno one could undo.
all of the plans that god had made for me, tragicly erased.all of my potential, has now gone to waste.
i never really wanted to die, i just wanted to end this pain, i guess that i thought that life, was nothing but a game.

chapter one. moving on and moving in.

Charlottes long crimson red hair hung over her face as she wrote in her journal. sitting on her queen sized bed infront of her bedroom window. a cold gust of wind blew through her long locks, sending chills up and down her spine. then she saw him.. sitting in an old apple tree infront of the house. the same apple tree that they had played in together as children, with the old tire swing hanging from it. charlie sitting there, and staring at her sympatheticly, with a dull wave. like nothing ever happened. like he hadn't been dead for 2 years. as she stared out of the window, her heart pounding, her hands trembling , to paralysed with fear to even scream, or run. she watched him mouth the words "i'm sorry." as he hung his head in shame, nervously kicking his feet back and fourth. Charlotte gasped and quickly slambed the window shut. her big green eyes swelling up with tears she placed her head in her trembling hands and began to sob uncontrollably. suddenly she felt a presence in the room and a cold finger tapping her shoulder. too terrified to look up, she closed her crying eyes and burried her head in her hands as she felt a cold hand pat her on the shoulder. and then she heard a very faint voice cry out  "i'm sorry."

i just want to close my tired eyes,
and fly away.
dazed, amazed, i peacefuly gaze into space.
getting lost in purple haze,
i dream of better days.

floating on air,
nomore pain, or dispaire.
i dont care at all.
i just want to smile for a little while.
and blissfuly bounce off of these four walls.