Hey.
It's me again.
Thought I'd call to see how you were.
We haven't spoken much lately,
and last night I slept with another man who didn’t remember i loved tulips and bought me marigolds and i almost said your name. I closed my eyes and envisioned the hair on your chest
and your growls in my ear and the ******* tulips you bought me the first night we went out. Now, all i can do is
turn you into ****** poetry to read at ****** open mics.
You’ll be a story to tell when asked about my love life and
those who don’t know your name will tell me you’re an ******* and I deserve better and the mutual friends we share
will tell me I’m an ******* and I need to grow up,
but I am an adult. I did my taxes last week and I made an appointment with the doctor two weeks ago and next week,
I’m turning in my resume for an interview to an office job I’ll probably hate and when I think of you,
I’ll become that girl who had panic attacks at the thought of you leaving and who cried every night for a boy who never loved her back. I’ll be the girl who begged you not to leave and got drunk just so she could tell you she loved you.
When I wake up tomorrow, I’ll put on mascara and pull myself together, because my mom raised a woman who didn’t need a man to tell her he loved her every morning and I’ll go run errands I can’t keep pushing back because I can’t keep cancelling on my publisher, because eventually the I-Don’t-Feel-Good excuse gets old and life moves on and you moved on and I’m tired of everyone telling to move on. I have always been the type of person to get stuck and I’m stuck on you and unfortunately my water heater broke and I can’t get rid of you without hot water and it hurts to much when I try to pull you off my skin because if I move on you will disappear and it’s crazy but the pain reminds me you were here and i had felt something I hadn’t felt for a really long time because for a really long time, I was so depressed i didn’t know i could feel, I didn’t know I could love and my best friend told me I couldn’t love someone else until I learned to love myself, but thats ******* because god ******, I loved you with every fiber of my being and the day you walked out the door, my ******* water heater broke. Time stopped.
The vase shattered.
All the tulips died that morning.