Your silence was a direct infliction of harm on my mind.

You could have used any other direct form of violence to settle scores with me.

You chose to hit me where it hurts most.

KPop and horror films,
You're just the silliest girl.
I don't want you to go,
We've been through a lot,
I know.
I'm not going anywhere though.
You don't need to worry about that,
So.. don't.

iloveyou,
you say, tangling up the three words in one breath.
i love you more, i tell you.
no, iloveyoumore, you say.
i love you more than bees love flowers, i say,
and you tell me that bees love pollen
and that youlovememore.
but i love you,
more than bees love flowers and yes, pollen
and i love you more than birds love to sing
more than wishes love stars
more than dreams love sleep
i love you more
than grass loves rain
and rain loves the earth
and the earth loves trees
and the trees love the wind.
i love you more
than sunflowers love sun,
more than the sun loves the sky,
more than the sky loves blue,
more than blue loves the sea.
i love you
ilove you
iloveyou like youloveme.

If you look back in a 2014-17 high school yearbook you’ll see a picture of a hurricane of awkward moments ravaging a tiny coastal town called my self confidence.
My hands never knew where to rest and I couldn't keep eye contact for more than 5 minutes.
My eyes introduced themselves to their friend the floor every time someone looked my way.

Hi……..

Being awkward is only being able to muster up a “Hi….”
But then have the commitment to see out the next long moments of silence.
Being awkward is spending a lifetime learning how to jump into water
But not knowing how to swim.

Being awkward is saying “Thanks Mom”
To your sixth grade teacher
Being awkward is answering a number question with “Yes”

Being awkward is keeping your skeletons in your closet
Just for them to fall out when your mom cleans your room.
Being awkward is telling a fast food worker “You too”
After they tell you to enjoy your lunch

Being awkward is saying “I love you” after ordering pizza.
Just to realize the same person would be delivering it.
Being awkward is cancelling the debit card
That’s sitting in your pocket.

Being awkward is smiling nice for a picture
Just to look photoshopped in when it’s developed
Being awkward is thinking a million ways of avoiding a problem
And forgetting the one way to deal with it.

Being awkward is ___
Being awkward is remembering to do the second part of something
While forgetting to do the first.

Awkwardness is like a soda machine
Your money is your actions
The soda is your words
Your change is social q’s you don’t pick up on .

Just a glimpse of you
Has awoken these emotions
Are now floating
In my subconscious mind
Bringing imagery before my eyes
I remember back to when
Once we walked these streets
Hand in hand
Talked about absolutely everything
I had so much love and admiration
For you
Never would have thought
Things would have ended
The way they did
Then again I was a naive kid

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

It’s been years since we last talked
I cut you off after being rejected
More because of the silent treatment
I was receiving
I poured my heart and soul into you
You couldn’t even give me a yes or no
And maybe I’m still bitter
But can you really blame me
After all that time
I was there for you
Through every heartbreak
I was the one who wiped those tears away
You couldn’t even take the time to reply to me

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

We’d been through a lot of up and downs
We always managed to come back around
But I stopped all of that
When you couldn’t take the time to
Write me back
I was done playing second best
Watching you date every other man
Still don’t regret that decision
I can’t help but think of you
Because when all is said and done
Still have love for you,
Even though you broke my heart
Just another song
now this is all you are

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

©2018 Written By Benji James

Awkwardly I stand my ground.
Awkwardly I'm standing there.
Should I smile? Should I frown?
Awkwardness is in the air.

Awkward in the morning fog.
Awkward in the evening light.
I've been awkward all along.
Though I think that I'm alright.

I've got lots of awkward friends.
We are awkward every day.
The awkwardness it never ends.
But together, it's okay.

Awkward I am, but I'm proud.
To be awkward is a gift.
I don't have to make a sound.
I can give the mood a lift.

Though I'm awkward I still smile.
There's much to be happy for.
I'll be walking down the isle.
Awkwardly and then some more!

There's no point being ashamed.
If you're awkward, please be proud.
If you're awkward and get blamed.
Just awkwardly smile and say real loud:

"I am awkward, but that's me!
And that is how it's supposed to be.
So come and be awkward with me.
If you try it, then you'll see!"

I dreamed I was painting with a dancers feet again.
I woke and there was hurt, which is love, which means life and God and good... So, hurt can't be all too bad I guess.