Why did you want to hurt me again
Why do you want to twist that knife in
Your words cut worse than any knife
And I'm the reason for your strife

I swear I did the best I could
I thought I was proticting you like I should
I'm sorry I didn't know
But I'd ask you everytime you would go
But your answer was always no

But I know little kids can be frightened
And I'm sure that noose he tightened
And I don't blame you for hating me
For I am mom you see
I was supposed to protect you from the monsters
But I didn't know it would be my secound step father

I didn't know my mom would marry a another one like the first
This nightmare was the worst
I just wish you could see
I tried my very best to be
The mother you could always depend on
But now your gone

You hate me for what was done
But I want you to know if I'd had a gun
He could of never hurt anyone
And tho you hate me I'll love you always
I'm mom and I'm to blame anyways

My lady is immortal and shines only for me
Setting waves in motion so that I may hear the sea
With skin a white as milk that is mine to behold
And eyes that shine brighter than both diamond and gold

Her ambience inspires those whose love has come and gone
The streaks of sultry melodies create a secound dawn
And I will look upon her sillouette with unfaltering, desiring eyes
As she reaches for me every single night and carries me up high

My lady's essense walks upon the solitary shore
Her hair of silver, so long and silken, that flows forever more
She sips dreams from her teacup and plays amongst the stars
But always keeps in my sight to she show she strays not far

Oh illustrious siren of destiny, look at your lover and smile
Realize he looks to you to carry him through Heaven's aisle
And with the kiss you lay upon my cheeks each solitary night
I dream of you on glowing shores in palaces of white

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
There's no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

Why did you want to hurt me again
Why do you want to twist that knife in
Your words cut worse than any knife
And I'm the reason for your strife

I swear I did the best I could
I thought I was proticting you like I should
I'm sorry I didn't know
But I'd ask you everytime you would go
But your answer was always no

But I know little kids can be frightened
And I'm sure that noose he tightened
And I don't blame you for hating me
For I am mom you see
I was supposed to protect you from the monsters
But I didn't know it would be my secound step father

I didn't know my mom would marry a another one like the first
This nightmare was the worst
I just wish you could see
I tried my very best to be
The mother you could always depend on
But now your gone

You hate me for what was done
But I want you to know if I'd had a gun
He could of never hurt anyone
And tho you hate me I'll love you always
I'm mom and I'm to blame anyways

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
Theres no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

Why did you want to hurt me again
Why do you want to twist that knife in
Your words cut worse than any knife
And I'm the reason for your strife

I swear I did the best I could
I thought I was proticting you like I should
I'm sorry I didn't know
But I'd ask you everytime you would go
But your answer was always no

But I know little kids can be frightened
And I'm sure that noose he tightened
And I don't blame you for hating me
For I am mom you see
I was supposed to protect you from the mosters
But I didn't know it would be my secound step father

I didn't know my mom would marry a another one like the first
This nightmare was the worst
I just wish you could see
I tried my very best to be
The mother you could always depend on
But now your gone

You hate me for what was done
But I want you to know if I'd had a gun
He could of never hurt anyone
And tho you hate me I'll love you always
I'm mom and I'm to blame anyways

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
Theres no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

Ive been lied to, tricked and teased
Dont you see?
Ive had my trust stolen, shattered  and pawned
Cant you tell?
I bother you but i mean well,
You  take it as possessive  and controlling  im sure,
But that's  the opposite  of what im trying to do, i ensure.
I have trouble  trusting. You must know
Of course  i fret and fiddle, when you don't  tell me where you go,
Its nothing  against your charecter. I trust you holely.
But the holes in my head, they despise the act, knowingly.
Its the dark parts that whimper and whisper  about my defeat
and how your victory over me is complete,
"She could have anyone! Anything!
And youd not be worth a secound glance
Not worth a thing!"
"No she  loves me!" Id interject,
"She loves me and  i love her, from here to puket!"
"She doesnt feel  the same "the dark holes whisper
"She doesn't  think about you this way, she doesnt even ask about your day!"
I fall defeated
But not  before  a plead is headed
"Your wrong.  I love her. Shes all i have left,
I gave her everything  when i thought i had nothing left. And weather  she loves me, or you where right all along,
I promise  to wait. To sit here. To be strong

You couldn't love me, I had to move on
I hope you see where you was wrong
I hope you stay strong
I never ment to harm
But I gave you my love it was never returned
You left me feeling burned
So in it is a lesson to be learned
Not not treat the heart of another
Like trash in the gutter
That you can pick up when you want
Never giving them a secound thought
Only when YOU need them, not when they need you
I hope if not a lesson, you at lest get a clue

He grew up just him and his poor mother
No sweet sister, no rough and tumble brother
His Dad was M.I.A.
It happened in the usual way

But he didn't care
A cub never needs a father bear
His mother sufficed
Taught him wrong from right

He had it all figured out
He knew without a doubt
He had watched the rich kids laugh and joke
While in property he wallered and choked

So he studied hard and got good grades
In college he didn't party, never went to any raves
Got a corporate job, had a 3 figure income
He had money to pay bills, buy cars and then some

He took care of his mom till she passed away
He learned a great lessons on that rainy gray day
Money couldn't stop his mom from dying
Grown men where not above crying

The years quickly passed, he was married to his job
To those less fortunate he was a snob
On the streets he never gave the bums a secound look
If they had only took a page out of his book

He thought money was the way to happiness
Those he thought of as sad always had less
He had forgot about the lesson of the stone with it's dashes
Then the day came when the stock market crashes

He should of invested his time in a family
Instead of that money tree
For soon all his money was gone
Things in his life was going all wrong
His job disappeared, along with his home
Soon on the streets he had to roam

Now he was one of the despised
But on the streets he truly grew wise

Through hardship he found true friends
The ones that would help you to no end
For they know the pain of need
There was never any thought of greed

He was astonishingly amazed
That even with the poverty that he was grazed
He was happier now
Than chasing that cash cow

A good woman found him
His future then didn't look so grim
Years passed and they married
Over thier rundown apartment threshold, her he carried
Soon it was babies in his arms
He truly knew now his vision of life had been wrong

Now he knew
Where it was that happiness grew
In the hearts of ones you loved and cared for
Being rich or being poor was both a chore
It's all just clatter
Unless to someone else you matter

Wanted to take a secound to make a wish
That all my fellow poets have a joyous day
No matter what Holiday is your cup of tea, your dish
If you are alone or sad, I hope a smile comes your way
I hope all your Holiday plan's you accomplish
And that joy comes to your table to stay

©Pauline Russell

If I fail
I'll fail only with you
My side is secure

It's the insecurities that wakes me up
Failliors are my gift
Love them and despise them
Every secound

It doesn't show me who I am
But what I can be

One day I'll be what I never was
because one day I was what I'll never be

Sweet-bitter consciousness
that backed me up from not being
what you wanted me to be
without knowing