China charges 1 million annually
For each panda in our zoos
If we won't pay in full
Then the pandas we will lose
Nasty Panda's the exception
No one wants him here or there
He was paid 1 million dollars
To abscond and disappear!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

I smelled him 'fore I seen 'em
That black and white pariah
Slippin' slidin' in my kitchen
On smooshy mushy pulp papaya
I yelled for him to stop
And I told him where to go
Wink and laugh was all he did
With a Homer Simpson "D'oh!"

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

He hasn't bathed in ages
Masked by quarts of cheap cologne
His furry skin sweat-sticky
From the surface to the bone
Smelly cigar and ***** breath
Plus an air of upper-crust
Please keep your kids away
Cuz that nasty bear can cuss!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

If you meet up with Nasty Panda
Better turn around and run
You're bound to lose your money
And your wits before he's done
Don't shed tears for Nasty Panda
Cuz he likes the way things are
Don't forget to hide your keys
Else he'll drive off in your car!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He eats shoots and leaves

Here comes the Nasty Panda
     ~He's a scoundrel and a ***
He's such a nasty panda
     ~He's as nasty as they come
Beware of Nasty Panda
     ~He's gonna raise a stink
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
     ~He's much nastier than you think

You black and white beasts
From the far east,
Oh, how I long to be invited to your panda feasts.
I put on my panda hat with my panda suit,
Tie my panda tie and my panda shoes.
I arrive at your gate with all my panda bling,
But you say, for me to enter, I must wear your panda ring.
That doesn’t sound so bad if that’s all I need to do
To be allowed to enter and eat bamboo with you.
I’ve waited for this moment, longed to be accepted.
But, to be honest, it’s not what I expected.
Although I am so close, and the ring looks nice,
I hesitate for a second, take a moment to think twice.
Is this what my life has come to, debating a “panda ring”?
Enslaved to every whim of the panda king,
Doing what he wants me to, just to be approved,
Once I put that ring on, it cannot be removed.
No, I will not stoop to a panda ring,
I have my own bear song to sing.
As I say goodbye, waving my bare hand,
I notice panda rings on all their bear hands.
Spotless I return, back home to the ice,
Ready to chill out and live a polarized life.

Baby Panda
You called me
A *****-*****
When you woke
And I smiled
In response

Baby Panda
When eating
Fruity pebbles
With almond milk
You croaked like
A frog, croak
Over 20 times
And got up
To spit in the sink
Excessive saliva
In between
Each bite
I asked you why
You croak
wha?
I smiled
And say
Never mind

Baby Panda
You ran to me
Sobbing as if
The world was ending
My socks!!!
No more clean
****, I forgot
To dry them
You pace
Uncomfortable
As you're forced
To go barefoot
Feet ****
For longer
Than an hour

Baby Panda
I return to
You're stash
Of a room
And picking up
Your pajamas
I smell an
Accident
Of both sorts
Soiling your
Clothes
sorry
Red faced you enter
I smile and
Remind you
To let me know
Next time
And not to
Throw it on the
Wooden floor

Baby Panda
Socks on smooth
Shoes tied with
Quadrupled knots
You head to your
Room, radio blasting
Some radio talk
Station about comedy
Until 8:21 rolls around
And you run
Like a bullet
To the bus outside
Our house
I smile as you yell
BUS IS HERE
No matter what room
I'm in

Baby Panda
I worry for you
The second you walk
Out the door
Because you have such
Big, terrifying emotions
Yet a small filter
On your words, thoughts
Of your own body
Despite the fact
That you're turning
Into a real teen
Before the summers end

Baby Panda
I wish I could help
In ways I cannot
I can't read your mind
Though you think
I should
Know how by now
I can't make socks magically
Not hurt, or have people
Not get ******
When you randomly shout
Profanities
When your last conversation
Was regarding food
And I can't
Stop the madness that
Overtakes your body
Every time you get ill
Physically, mentally


But Baby Panda
I love you now
And always will

Amanda was a Panda
She was a lovely lass,
Although she had two ******* eyes,
She retained an air of class.

She ambled into the Bamboo Bar
To have lunch with Panda Pete one day,
And he looked into her eyes
And to her he did say.

"Oh Amanda with your ******* eyes
Will you please be forever mine,
And promise that you will never
Let your panda arms entwine,

Any other bloke panda
In this bamboo land,
Please oh please Amanda,
You've got to understand

For me there is no other
You're the only girl for me,
You remind me of my mother,
And so we're meant to be,

Together as a couple we'll be
With our four eyes of black,
Oh darling please look at me
Why have you turned your back?"

She answered very clearly
She said "because Pete I'd rather,
Find another Panda really,
To be my childrens father."

Now Panda Pete was really sad
He felt total and utter rejection,
So he sloped off before he got mad,
To a future of dejection.

He slunk out of the Bamboo Bar,.
Back into the forest outside
And jumped into his panda car
And took off for a long lonesome ride.

Tom Higgins 07/05/2014

There's a panda in my backpack
A panda in my backpack.
Yes there is a panda in my backpack.
A very interesting panda.
Very interesting panda.
There's a panda in my backpack...

There was a panda in my bed last night
I did not notice while I was asleep
When I awoke the panda screamed in fright
He hit his head and he began to weep
"Oh my dear panda, why are you in tears?
I'm sorry I made you hit your poor head
A panda, that is sad is in my fears
And thusly your sorrow makes my heart lead
The panda arose to glance at the door
Then he ripped the blankets out from my hand
I guess he cared not to talk to me more
So I attempted to await command
But wretched bear took a bite of my spine
And then on my entrails panda did dine

There was a Panda in his room
Ready to fall asleep
He wrapped himself up
Hugged his bed
As he counted all his sheep

The sheep jumped by one by one
As he watched the setting sun
The moon would rise
Stars shine bright
As the night time had begun

He rests his head on his pillow
He lays there all alone
In the warmth of night he falls asleep
As he pays his daytime loan

His mind goes dim, as his dreams awake
And he's in a pitch black room
When in front of him a bubble forms
One the size of his head
Past him it begins to zoom

The Panda half walks half crawls to where the bubble lay
Afloat in the air
Suspended above
He raises his voice to speak for it to come
But when his mouth opens, he doesn't know what to say

The bubble sits there laying in wait
Waiting for him to reach
So the Panda puts up his outstretched arm
Reaching for what he thinks would give him great joy
But what he finds is alarm

As he reaches and touches the bubble
The bubble begins to shake
It waivers and pops and rains down debris
And yet he doesn't wake

The Panda looks down
With tear stained eye
He sees the puddle below
And to the bubble he waves good bye

In this puddle left by the bubble
He sees his reflection glow
He sees his face, his tear stained eye
He wants to be set free
But for this little Panda, waking up is slow

there was a little panda he was black and white
very very funny and very very bright
he lived in a country very far away
in a great big jungle where he used to stay.

oneday while out walking through the jungle road
he looked upon a leaf and there was sat a toad
the little toad was crying feeling oh so  blue
then the panda asked what is wrong with you.

i have lost my way he said i have lost my track
panda said dont worry i will take you back
then he heard a croak not to far away
coming from a place where the toad should stay.

panda led the toad to where the toad should be
to a little pond just behind a tree
panda said goodbye as he walked away.
toad stayed in his pond and never more did stray

there was a little panda he at lost his white
he was all in black it didnt look quite right
panda he was sad that his white had gone
a panda all in black he was the only one
he  had lots tears rolling down his face
it made feel him depressed and completly out of place
then suddenly he heard. a rustle in the tree
he took a closer look to see who it could be
it was his friend the elf he had heard him cry
he came to have a look what was the reason why
elf  had magic powers and gave him back his white
panda he was happy and once again felt right

there was a little panda he was black and white
very very funny and very very bright
he lived in country very far away
in a great big jungle where he used to stay
oneday while he was walking through the jungle road
he looked upon a leaf and there was sat a toad
the toad he was crying feeling oh so  blue
then the panda asked what is wrong with you
i have lost my way he said i have lost my track
panda said dont worry i will take you back
then he heard a croaking not to far away
coming from a place where a toad should stay
panda led the toad to where the toad should be
to a little pond just behind a tree
toad he was happy. he was now back home
never again from his path did he ever roam

Sometimes we all have our dreams and childish feelings,
I know we do,
I had two where I had the ears and a tail of a Panda,
Now I feel I currently have them,
If I had the ears of a Panda,
If had the tail too,
I must do
What I must do,
If I had the ears of a Panda,
I'd want you to have them too...