I numb pain by getting high
Bounce from drug to drug
Wish I was stronger than I am
Want to get clean and be done

I keep hoping motivation will blossom
Positive train of thought
Guess temptation is more seductive
Giving it all I've got

My skin senses familiar stinging
Night comes; I succumb
I tumble down the rabbit hole
The place my conscience is dumbed

My hands move of their own accord
Hope I soon gain control
My cold heart is seeking comfort
From the agony hindering me from being whole

I do not know any other way
To stifle the ache of being alive
Than consuming toxic substances
The irony of methods I use to survive

So near to dying completely inside
Want to unnumb emotions
Remembering how I'd always complain about the flood
Now I wish for those sensitive oceans

If you touch me
I won't feel anything
I am numb
It'd be fascinating to light a fire to my skin and smell the burning flesh as it turns black
It'd be ok because i won't feel anything
I'd stick pins into my skin and see how long it would take to be lightheaded as my blood drips
If you touch me
I won't feel anything
The burning sensation, the sparks, the goosebumps i would get at your touch
Would only be an imagined feeling
A feeling i yearn to feel again

If you look at me
I won't feel anything
Am  emotionally numb
I won't shy off if we are eye to eye
The nervous feeling
The eye diversion
Is only a thing my unnumb self
If you look at me
I won't feel anything
My blank mind
My lack of words
The gibberish talk
My painted smile
And overplayed laugh
All as i stare into your eyes
All this is what you'd wish to see
Rather than the numb stare i give you

If you listen to my words closely
You'll realise , i don't care
My uninformed mind can't take the shock anymore
My euphoric hormones can't be controlled
My hopeful heart is becoming hopeless
My mind is tired of over analyzing
My mind is tired of this romantic B.S that's everywhere
My heart doesn't give a **** about your lies
My euphoric hormones don't need to be fed by your presence
My face is tired of lighting up when you walk into the room
My body is tired of sending signals to please you
I am tired of feeling
So i might as well embrace the numbness

Because sometimes, something just hits you
and you're not sure why it hits you,
or what direction it came from,
but you stop what your doing and feel it.
In your bones, in your soul, in your chest.
And you're not sure if its realization
or just fleeting moments like you have become unnumb.
But its raw and it hurts.
It shifts your thoughts and changes something
if I only knew what that something was.