So now I'm alone again,
Wishing we were more than friends.
You made me feel wanted,
With you I was home.
Now I'm begging you please,
Don't go.
I'm not good on my own.

This blindside,
It's knocked me off my feet.
You feel guilty,
I feel dead.
I never should have showed you,
What goes on in my head.
Dear god what's wrong with me?

What is it,
That makes everyone leave?
Is it the way that I look?
Do I talk in my sleep?
You say it's not me,
But I'm the one you're leaving.
We're crying in my room,
My cries have turned to screams.

So now I'm alone again,
Wishing this would end.
Torn between running back,
And never seeing you again.
How do you take back,
All those things you said?
You feel guilty,
I feel dead.

This is what's inside my head.
You feel guilty,
I feel dead.

My body aches
My mind is tired
I wonder if this amount of work
Will let me
Reap what I sow?

I put my time in but now I expect it back
I've given you my time
Quality time
But what have you given me?
Just enough to get by
And survive?

Life isn't fair
But I expect respect
I only have so much patience
And you are trying it
Really, you are

If you disrespect me one more time
I'm gonna hit you so hard
Your own mother won't recognize you

I will put you in your place

I will talk down to you like the little man you are

Not that I expect you to learn anything
Or change your selfish ways
But it will make me feel better

If Karma's a *****
Then she's on my side this time
You've got it coming
It will be from the blindside

A knave to hold a soft core;
Schist, basalt, limestone!
A cross, kaleidescoping until it's square then into a passkey.

Solids, Solipsis, a patterned plane was your gift, almost as cruel as mine.
Given me, as due, for my recognition of your soul.
Your belief is a gaes, almost as burdensome as your mistrust.

A blindside for a blindside.

Whoa,
you totally caught me by surprise,
there I was speeding in the Fast Lane,
racing through life when you hit my blindside,

it’s amazing how one person,
can affect another person so much,
see I’d forgotten what love was,
out of touch with other people’s touch,

and I’m fighting,
every instinct to rush,
because I want to take my time with you,
so I back up,

still I can’t help but think what would happen if we hook up,
what an unstoppable team we’d make,
racing down the freeway under the star light,
with both the risks and the opportunities we’d take,

and I usually stay single,
because I’m just not the committed type,
but when it comes to you the truth is,
I’d be honored to call you my wife,

whoa,
that last line totally caught me by surprise,
and I mean I know you have a beautiful body,
but really what got me was those eyes,

those crystal blue hues,
as magnificent and deep as the ocean,
I swear my soul could swim in them,
without air I wouldn’t even need to come up oxygen,

you could make this player an honest man,
and I remember you saying how easily you could fall in love,
and I remember me saying you could go ahead,
because there’s probably not a better man out there below or above,

haven’t felt this sort of feelings in a long time,
maybe in forever my God it feels so different,
as the light of the Himalayan salt crystal glows,
we let it all go and operate off instinct,

I asked you to move in with me,
and you said you might,
because we both live our days like this could be our last night,
knowing all to well that life goes on then all of a sudden we die,

whoa,
don’t want to die nor do I want to think about it too much,
but if I did die right now I’ll tell you what,
I’d be happy as Hell in your arms surrounded by your touch,

fck,
what more can I say,
I’m in love with you,
and I’m not ashamed,

no reason to not get lost in each other,
I mean sometimes you have to get lost to get found,
want to shut off the rest of the world for a moment,
where our heart beats are the only sounds,

want to explore as well,
maybe travel the globe,
I’m ready if you’re ready,
all you have to say is “Let’s go.”,

let go of all that passed past,
be here for this moment before it’s passed,
because it all goes by way to fast
and we both know nothing good ever really lasts,

whoa.

∆ LaLux ∆

The New Book Is FREE Here: https://www.scribd.com/document/367036005/The-Sydney-Sessions-12-Steps

The years, they have come and gone so
fast, nothing seemed to last, like the loves
that have come and gone and when
we are young and wish the time didn't
pass so slow, as we get older, we wish
things didn't move so fast, and that the
nice things would last just a little longer.

In  65  I was seventeen, somewhere
between mean and lean and I didn't
know much, but most don't when they
are only a teen and my first love, dear
Anne  was so young
and sweet,and she never missed
a beat, so soft and tender, a real
credit to her gender, and one day
she just disappeared and I can't
remember if I even got to say goodbye.

In 69, I was twenty-one and made my
living with a gun, in a no - win situation
called Vietnam and life was no fun.

Surviving 13 months of daily combat
I give thanks that I was trained by the
best -  the ( Marine Corp ) but the battles
in my head would never  let me rest when
I returned home.

The decorations they came, but I would
never be the same. coming home to a very
mean and angry Country that was fighting
an unpopular War and didn't seem to care
any more about their returning warriors
and just closed the door.

In  77   I was twenty - nine, aging like a
fine wine but waking up in a Hospital room
in Joplin one day from an automobile
accident not knowing what to say,except
"what happened to me ? ","where am I, and
"who am I ?"

"You can't walk" the nurse said and the
pain so great, I felt that I would be better
off dead and I was discarded as a crippled
by my wife and I was forced to begin a
new life which would be filled with strife.

Learning everything again that I already
knew like walking, talking and being a
human being was no fun at 29 but it had
to be done, because I had no where to run.

In 1980 I was recovered and strong
after rebuilding my body and I was
on my way to embark on a new way
of  life and I had something to prove to
myself and not to anybody else.

In 1990, moving to another State,
with the idea that it was not too late
for a new start, and this time I would
have a new part to play.

I learned what the War had done to me,
and that our  freedom never comes free,
and that I needed help in my head,
or I would end up up dead.

In 2010 I am  sixty - one  and wonder
what I have done with my life. Where
did the years go, gone like a vapor
in the air and all you can do is simply
stare in the mirror asking yourself
"is that really me ?"

Then this Angel came out of nowhere,
this beautiful lady who needed me I
thought as much as I needed her.

It took 61 years to find her and we
were together for two years in a union
that I thought would last forever, but
for her the truth was never.

She lied to me for two years about her
past and her intentions so she could use
me and keep herself amused.

I couldn't see what she was doing
because my love for her was so strong
and she just wasn't equipped to handle
so much love and it didn't take her long
to find someone else that could keep
her amused.

When I found her,I thought that real
love was unstoppable and that it would
always find you and that you could not hide.

Instead I got taken for one big ride by this
Kansas Queen who also turned out to be
very mean and who thought that she could
get away with it clean.

Together I thought that we faced the World
with our hearts in each others hands and I
thought that we knew that the others love
was true.

But upon discovering her lies she only
made me blue because her lies were so cool
and so very cruel it made me think I should
go back to school.

With her lies she professed her love for me
and I smiled because she made me happy
and she let me know if I made her mad or
made her sad.

But she appeared much to my surprise
to be glad when I opened the door for her
to leave and I was even more surprised
at how fast that she hit the door running.

Was it to another man who was waiting and
knew she was coming but that's all right
because it really doesn't matter because I was
glad and fortunate to see her scatter.

So we must be prepared for changes that
come at us so fast often leaving you to wonder,
"how long can I last?" and leaving you
wondering "how did I last this long," when
so many times you thought you were gone.

She told me everyday for two years
that she loved me and that that she
would never leave me saying to me that
I was the "one" that had been sent to her
by Jesus, and in the end I was just numb
and must have looked pretty dumb
because I believed all of her lies which
resulted in so many cries.

Life will blindside you when you least
expect it so we have to learn to expect the
unexpected and learn to love and not hate.

In the beginning she showed me that I
could love, taking away my hate but in
the end she took away that love
and brought back so much hate.

Because of her lies I will never be the
same because it was all just her game
that I lost but I will never play that
way again and I will never lose like
that again.

I will survive and live to see another day
and another love will come my way. 

Just do what you have to do to survive
while you are on this crazy ride................                  
Jon York        wrote 2010,    edited 2012

Combinations, badly put
Assume dimension, found afoot,
The very stuff of human kind's
Ability to see ... whilst blind.

For instance, take the last four years
Where insanity drove dulcet fears,
Keelhauling reason's rationale
Beyond the realm, beyond the pale.

Consider this, Sir, if you will,
Fascination's trough of swill
Where every man beneath the sun,
Under the pillow, keeps a gun?

Intriguing how, across the globe,
Despite sophistication's robe,
Pandemic rages forth, unchecked,
To foolishness's disrespect.

Futility of righteous flame
In seeking absolution's claim
By whispering in hallowed ear
Thy Catholic sins in shades of fear.

East / West drowning in distrust,
Wall Street terrified of bust,
California's deep disdain
Of climate change's promised flame.

Some you win, some you lose
Wisdom depicts those who choose
Sink or swim, the game decrees,
Observing mankind on his knees.

Combinations, badly put
Assume dimension, found afoot,
The very stuff of human kind's
Ability to see ... when blind.

M.
Foxglove, Taranaki NZ
12 July 2021

If experience has taught me anything (an unlikely assumption)
it is that if a woman ever tells you
-straight up-
that she’s a *****
she is not lying.
this advice is not at all useful.
at least; it hasn’t been for me
since every single time it happens
I insist that she’s just got low self esteem
or she’s  joking
or she’s just had one of those days.
But a few months to a year later,
I find myself on the blindside of the road
bags barely packed
rushed out with the trash
in shock and agreement.
But see,
at least for me,
It’s hard to believe someone
when you’re in love -
which is not unlike losing your glasses
and sort of seeing blurs of people
not nearly as clear as you would with sober eyes.
I don’t expect anyone to heed my warning
I believe it even less than you do
to be honest.
I’m just a little drunk
and in a funk
and thinking way too much,
as I’m prone to do from time to time
in bars like this.
So, don’t pay me any mind
or do
I don’t care, really
how’d we get on this topic, anyway?