So sick of going insane, in this humid bed in this dark room,
All my mind does is turn everything back around onto the subject of you.
All my memories with you in them play through my head like show, crazy thing is when I see you tomorrow, you'll never know.
I can't sleep because I so desperately wish you were here, to hold my hand & talk to me until I fall asleep, letting me know that life can be safe. Just like you did that one night.
My heart craves for you like a growling stomach does for food.
But the part that's really killing me, is that you told me yourself, our love can never be, you love men.
It hurts so bad, this is tourture!
So every night I lay here, suffering in this hot, stuffy bed, remembering all the good times that we had, that I know will be no more, because my confession of love has made our friendship awkward.
Please I beg of you take our friendship off hold.

A tourture that breaks and distorts my mind
Every calorie cafrefully chosen
Written in a journal
Every thing ive eaten since 8th grade
No breakfast
Running out the door a weitght in my stomach
No lunch
Drinking a monster
10 more calories than I need
Vaping in the bathroom
Dinner
Dreaded dinner
I have to sit and eat with my family
No excuses
Work it off after dinner
Do I go there
Do I sit on the floor racking my lungs
I can feel the fat settle on my bones
Crying myself to sleep
Repeat

Delinquents perform instantaneous falls into a tortured well.
Where in seamless fashion increase the heart rates in echoes,
and tell the leaders to walk fast, for we are close behind.

The road to true freedom lies in heart of sinner. where thoughts of lost loves and lifes dance ever so quick to judge me, for I am a holder of sin and triumph and I can never let that go.

They try to say that my salvation will sail above me. That the beauty of the trees and stars were not mine from the start, and that everything ive earned and learned I should be looking up to thanks.

But what we've hold to be true is that my blood should have all the thanks, my heart and my soul are the only things that push me to my next day, and fill my world with what I have to give, and what ive had taken from my life.

The people of my generation have lost there way in thinking for themselves. Mindless bags of bones following the kin before, with no lungs to breathe in the new air. The air of despair and heartbreak, of pain and tourture. The air of lust and love, and the feeling of being alone.

Sharing the falsity of told news they looked up for the blame.
Which told us doing nothing and knowing the same was always best,
and lies kept the mass in the fog, to never see the light.

So we struggle to find a breaking point, never knowing how much torture is enough.

They left him there. On the open fields of misery. He didnt even know how to spell his name. The doubts and anger clouded his brain. He was just so angry. They brought him ashore and then they just left him there. It didnt make sense to him. Was it something he didnt do. For he couldnt rememeber why he deserved their tourture. They left him there and he didnt even know how to spell his name.

Give me my body and my lost sanity.
Take away all of this absolute profanity.
The marks on the walls, the knifes and the saws
are used to make me cringe and squeal
the words you always wanted to hear.
You yell at me, and make me suffer.
You make my life tourture and make it all rougher.
My soul aches from the pains.
My body shackled is by throrny chains.
I will not speak to you, you cannot condemn me.
Leave me now, you've enjoyed the insanity.

-n.s.

my head throbs
and the vivid dreams
as a side effect of my
medication makes me so tired.
I dream that I'm
laying or siting in bed
at night and I can't sleep
so every morning
I wake up and wonder
did I get any sleep at all last night?
and all I want is the throbbing to stop
and to be able to do the things I know
I can do but I just can't at the time
this makes me so so so angry
that I lay in bed thinking
about how I am going no where
and all this is
is the endless tourture
of depression
                                          *(i wish i was more scared to die, than i am to live and fail)

I hope that I'm strong,
Stronger than i know,
And if you have to leave,
Then i wish you'd just go,
Please stop this endless nightmare,
Just tear the bandaid off,
My hearts too good for your tourture,
Too beautiful for your scoff,
Please help me do this God,
Help him along his way,
Take away these bad days,
Take away all this grey,
Soon i will rise, soon i will smile,
And when your plans fall apart,
Know we can't reconcile,
Its over today time to heal this broken heart,
Now i accept to put things together,
All these thing must fall apart!