I know that we are flesh and blood;
We're bound terrestrials.
There is not a hint nor thought
In me, celestial.
And yet the final day they found
You were ephemeral,
I raised my eyes towards the skies
And sought the aerials.
I hoped the blessed, holy book
In truth, was literal.
The yearning, needing wanting hole
Was raw and pitiful.
In vain I combed the cobalt spans
For proof reciprocal
Of an eternal, lasting love
From the ethereal.
My opulence in obstinence
Brought truth from empty skies
The swirling air, the ash and dust
Is only where you fly.
There is no golden field of wheat
And barley where we'll meet
There is no paradise where I
Will once more hear you speak.
The last known home where you reside
Exists in no known creed
You live now in the dreams and thoughts.
That bring you back to me.

I want the jagged forest line
Against the setting sun;
The smear of black across the sky
Where night had just begun.

I miss the way the silhouettes
Of Trees did frame that sky,
The inky way it scrawled across
The blue in craggy lines.

I want the silver moonlight tipping
The horizon-line
To glaze the earth in black and white
And cloak the looming pines.

I miss the sprawling milky way
That luminescent stream
That cut across the onyx sky
Within the starry sea.

The Sun is a jealous lover
That yearns for the wandering Moon.
He give his softer light to her
And easily assumes

That she will chase him everywhere
Throughout the starry sky,
Obediently follow this linear path,
Until the day she dies.

The Moon however, loves the Earth
The gentle shady sphere,
Who pulls her close and cradles her
And whispers in her ear.

Earth and Moon are destined hearts
That dance on through the night
Until the Sun returns again
And hides the Moon from sight.

By day she fades into the Sun
And seemingly stays the path
Until the sacred night returns
And reunites them at last.

Skim to search the airwaves seeking
To abandon you
I fill this empty silence with a
Useless song or two
In silence creeping, weeping, you fill
Up my nodding head.
And all the words you've spoken hence
Flood forth to fill my head.
The voices on the radio say
All I should have said-
I skip those haunting broken tunes
And search for more instead.
Though truthfully excuses fail to
Negate what is true:
I fill this car with music to
Escape my thoughts of you.

Someone stroked the dial down
On contrast, shade and form
The dullness paints the very air
From eyes; tired and worn.



ANNOUNCEMENT (To my readers):

Hi Guys,

I know it's been a while since I've posted poetry and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your support and feedback. All of you have been so kind and I could not have asked for a better audience. However, times are rough at the moment and I'd like to post a link to my GOFUNDME account. If you like my poems, you will be make a small donation via the website, even a buck would be appreciated. Below is the link.

Thanks,
Sarah

http://www.gofundme.com/Sarahquil

Read me, Hear me.
I am existing somewhere
Strewn between each letter that
Your eyes caress.
I'm mingling with the meaning
I've chosen to impart
With riddles, with metaphors,
With everything but
The truth.

I'm tangible.
Whisper my writing and know
That I am a scrawled sentence
Of desperation;
A Vagrant, caught wandering
In the downpour
Without the language
To capture the way
The rain smells, or the wind tastes
Or the earth sounds.

Oh read, and know
That I am crying out
Along each line to the seraph
Of a letter that I've struggled with
To grant a modicum
Of the nonsense left in my heart.
I've cried out
Thousands of words;
Screamed them until they furrowed
In paper, in computer screens
Into the faces of hapless lovers
To no such avail.

At the end of the day, read and know
That my writing is as futile
As loving a dead man,
An errant, wandering heart,
And a depth-less, angry river.

Set down your oars, yield to the sea
Go back to the sky to become free.
Lay down your head and close your eyes
And listen as the world goes by.

Weary traveler rest your feet
Soften your breath and go to sleep.

Crawling there through the mud I

Scraped along, through flesh and blood.

The water came in rivulets

In floods that I could not forget.

Gravel ground and broken glass

Over where my body’s passed.

Marked time in pulse; memories with

Seconds to days and no end to see.

Salvation was just there beyond

Where light and crash does oft respond

This overhead swirled in the sky

As lightning bolts came crashing by.

Up there beyond the cloudy seas

Where I dream that I can drift on free

In Sunshine’s arms and nothing more

Than rest and heal against these sores.

The journey’s half the story then

When’s this journey going to end?

Somewhere anon, and somewhere close

Somewhere new, yet missed the most.

Place you in the netherplace
An internal nudge to nowhere
Where the line of your smile hurts less
Than a break;
More a persistent ache or
A fading bruise.
In absence,
The presence is still there…
I can still smell the summer on your skin
Catch traces in the steps I’ve taken
To keep the span of the earth between.

Somewhere along the line
From act, to speech to print
The text, made stained by mortal hands,
Condemned an act to sin.
The deed which brands us human
And binds the two as one
Where nature bequeathed liberty,
Religion came to shun.
The little death outside of law
That brings dual spirits close
Became an ugly, shameful thing
Beyond our own control.

If this is so, than **** my love
And send me forth to Hell
May countless masses follow
When commanded to be well.

My sight, sick
Slick- a brush
Spreads your face
Layer by layer before me.

Unpeeled, my eyes
Sell truths my mind
Cherry picks, kicks around
Until they crumple,
Fester, shrivel
Fade.

For one brief
Infinite moment
I'm there beneath
That single layer,
Flush against
Soil, earth,
Summer and rain-
And the precise shade of olive
I've only ever seen
In the double sphere
Of each iris.

I dreamt before it happened,

It happened before I dreamt.

It ended before it could begin;

Began there at the end.

The past yearned for the future,

The future for the past;

But nothing comes from everything,

And everything never lasts.

Move a little closer
Give me what you've
Planned to take.
We're both numb here
Blue lipped
And wanting around the
Flame
Taking what burns we can.

I know we need this
The way I need to
Lift away and dig around
In search of something
Redeemable
Though this act will only
Add another layer
He won't reach.
I shiver
Wasting away with the taste
Of fine whiskey
As a whisper on my tongue
Of a moment where we felt
Halfway human again.

I was fire set upon
A bed of wood to flicker on.
The steady feed of brush and bark
Kept me ablaze to stay the dark

And yet at once, a time before
An oil fueled my cobalt core.
So mindlessly, I did consume
All things before their buds could bloom.


Further back, beyond that burn
I reveled in to quell the yearn-
There was chill that eddied forth
That ushered in the wind from North.

My fires faltered needfully
And lapsed into a harmony,
That warmed us both without the threat
Of razing us with hot regret.

One for one
To equal another
When one's snubbed out,
What comes of the other?
I've done the math
Enough to know
That one minus one
Leaves one a zero.
One half an the other,
A one and one pair
When one splinters off
Then one's beyond repair.

Nobody's enough, no body with me
Nobody loves no one/ No body loves me.

I've had a lot of overflow from this site to Facebook and I thought it would be appropriate to make a fanpage. You can like it, and communicate with me there rather than here or my personal page. I'll post art, post updates and other goodies to all who are interested.

https://www.facebook.com/sarahquilpoetry/

Thank you.

Crawling there through the mud I

Scraped along, through flesh and blood

The water came in rivulets

In floods that I could not forget.



Gravel ground and broken glass

Over where my body’s passed.

Marked time in pulse memories with

Seconds to days with no end to see.



Salvation was just there beyond

Where light and crash does oft respond

This overhead swirled in the sky

As lightning bolts came crashing by.



Up there beyond the cloudy seas

Where I dream that I can drift on free

In Sunshine’s arms and nothing more

Than rest and heal against these sores.



The journey’s half the story then

When’s this journey going to end?

Somewhere anon, and somewhere close

Somewhere new, yet missed the most.

I wonder when
Trapped inside
The dragonfly feels
Every inch of the walls
Curbing her from the sky.
Does her path know destination?
Or does she wait for a gap to the wild blue
That will never come?
I know her fatigue
The steadfast despiration of
Looking for an out
False windows grant
A glimpse of a simplistic freedom
Where carving the air has become
A fading dream.

Four years
And the acrid proof still swells,
Drags down my face when I recall
The sweetness before the end.

Even angry
Hot metal hatred ready to
Scour a path to him
Something stronger finished first
Lept back and forth to show that
Words meant nothing in the face of
This.

I've worn a cranial path-
So trodden in the search for
How things go on between Two
When one ceases existing.

The why is evident,
The how has fallen to negation.

I will love you through
Bump and scrape,
Play and study,
Onward over each
Bite and kiss.

I will love you through
Innocence,
Through sweating hands and
Hopeful eyes,
Through long baby hair that
Hid our faces;
Kept our secrets.

I will love you through
Each forgone bedtime
Through this speaker that
Kept us in the same room-
Long after bells sent us
Our separate ways.

I will love you through
Needless others,
Through the ones that mattered
And the ones that don't,
Long after each
Hello and Goodbye

I will love you as I wave goodbye
As you stay behind, skim the other
Side of the delta where we
Came up through adolescence.

I will love you as you hide
The truth, the gentle ecstasy of
Pill shaped promises to
Forget, to leave.
I will love you past each
Untouched phone call
Each slanted gaze,
Each gentle sidestep.

I will love you even as
You choose goodbye
Never knowing I would have
Chosen you, given the chance.
I will love you past the silver fire in your veins
Past the blue-tinged lips
The sightless eyes.

When the love has no where to go
When you are gone
When I am here.
I will love you
Still.

Seven times we've danced around
That darkest mark of days,
Drifting past the gravity
From whence his path did stray.

Seven journeys round a sun
That no more knows the shade
Of eyes that witnessed 22
And barely more a day.

Seven trips and many moons
Spent staring at the sky,
Wishing I could raise my wrist
And grasp the reasons why

Seven's worth of dreams in which
The 'why' evades me still
And why I when I caress the skin
I feel naught but the chill.

Seven come and seven gone
And seven on my skin
And yet untouched by seven are
The memories of him.

Passed the time searching,
Tracing the circles
Of this tired path I’ve worn in the soil.
Eyes touching faces,
Skimming the places
The crowds that have swollen and roiled.

Red brimming eyelids,
Sleep stolen violence;
I’ve curled up with nothing, away from the light.
Drift off to no where-
Found you were somewhere,
Sought then to flee there: off into the night.

In the dawn, I saw you there
With misty eyes and tousled hair
And with the sunlight flooding though,
I knew the summer scent of you.

You trickled yourself over me
The way the light pulsed through the trees.
And hand to hand we carried on
Across the dampened morning lawn.

Our pluming breath of spectored speech
Soared skyward towards the dancing leaves.
Gaze to gaze, brown to green
The morning lost it's sacred gleam.

Roaming down my spine are shivers
Fingers, fear and dread
And films reels on a loop that trickle
Whispers through my head

Rising in their wake the goosebumps
Feather out and feel-
If only for an instant what's
Remembered then- is real

It's easier to leave, to turn and go,
To mark my footsteps heel to toe.
Grasp the door and flee the frame
And keep my mouth shut 'round your name

In my chest, the tipping point's
A high hailed peak that scrapes the sky
The concept tips from front to back
And longs to plunge from either side.

In one which way, the drop would shake
The foundation of what's inside
The collision point would rend the base
And throw a fissure far and wide

The sure descent, the easy course
Should this notion plunge rightfully
Would quiet yearning, wanting things
That have no right to come to be.

Though balance seems precarious
Atop this inner mountain top
Decisions cease to help provoke
This fickle notion's needed drop

The air was lilac on the day
The sunset touched the earth in grey.
The velvet breeze caressed the grass
Of meadows rooted in the past.

A ring of trees bore witness to
The blurr of light that cut on through
The dusky darkness of the way
Your silence stole my breath away.

We paced the clearing, fed our sight
With fireflies like Christmas lights-
And up above, the navy sky
Breathed starlight in a soft reply.

In this moment, I love the face of a dead man,
Repeated by chance in the guise of a stranger.

His lips quirk the same way in
Sweet sarcasm,
And in that moment,
Three years beneath the earth scatters,
Ashes to the wind.

And you are here.

His shoulders span the same width
And I know- cupped in my
Needful, grasping palms-
Their touch before I even
Pass a phrase to their owner.

I know, his abrasiveness is softened from a scour
To a pleasant heat
And those who hate it
Love him fiercely, unreasonably, and unquestioningly.

I know this
And yet this man
Is nothing more than a mirage left
In the wake of a fire storm.


After the remnants of goose-flesh have failed to leave my skin
I'll take it.

This racking need forged at my core
Lives and breathes to want for more
It peers between my bone and flesh
From wall to wall, it's fingers press.

The gnashing, chewing, rending pain
That bows my body up in twain
Seeks the surface, yearns to breathe
I stamp it down inside of me.

Child, monster, cursed thing
Precious, putrid, close to me.
In clips and phrases, peer on through
The world will see a glimpse of you