I've been told that it takes 7 years for every cell in your body to renew itself.
7 years from now, you are completely new.
This thought is a comfort.
Every time I feel your hands on me,
Feel uncomfortable in my own skin
Because of what you did to me
I think, we’re almost there.
It’s been 3 years now
Only 5 more to go until I am truly
Clean of you.
SD 2/19

You choose your friends
Those people who torture you
Those who have destroyed you
The same people who have given you such strife
Over me
Time and time again.
I find myself wondering,
Do those who ruin you, still mean more to you?
You make your answers very clear.
I am unable to accept, but they are obvious.
The answer is yes.
You search for their approval,
With no regard for the people who truly care for you
You abandon us who love you.
For those who hurt you.
My heart cannot handle this.
What do I do with this information?
SD 3/19/18

If one day,
you change your mind
and return to my side.
Remember this.
Remember all of the times you broke me.
The times you shattered me,
and left me on the floor.
When you realize what you’ve lost,
know what I have gained.
I have gained perspective.
I have gained independence.
But, remember what you took.
You took my optimism.
You took my faith in humanity.
You took a piece of my soul.
Do not return it to me.
If you leave me,
don’t return.
SD 3/9/18

Do you ever feel so alone,
So in need of affection,
That you lay in bed, reach down,
And grab your own hand?
Just close your eyes, and lay there,
Pretending your hand belonged to someone who loves you.
Someone who looks at you like you are the beginning and the end of their world.
Like you hang the moon, and are the reason the stars are shining.
There is no way to describe that pure form of love,
Nor is there a way to describe the pure form of loneliness
That results in holding your own hand.
SD 2/25/18

See
A bluebird, on my rib. My mom’s handwriting, on my back. A plane ticket, in my hand. More stamps in the passport, in my pocket. A friend by my side, running across the airport with me.
A new destination, a new place to use our education to help those in need.
Maybe this time we’ll be in Nicaragua, rooting out the political corruption.
Or maybe we’ll be in Cairo, negotiating refugee treaties.
Maybe we’ll be on a return flight home, to wherever home may be.  
Smell
That very particular scent of airports, on busy nights. Perfume, my own. Laundry detergent, the same one I’ve always used. Also, the scent of two people who have been in the sun all day, helping somewhere.
These scents will become familiar.
The scent of the airport will smell like home.
Taste
Dramamine, the taste of rotten oranges.
Airplane food, the **** of so many bad jokes, actually tastes as bad as they say.
Mint gum, to get rid of the taste of the two mixed together.
Tomato juice, the flight attendant tells me how my taste buds change in the air,
I sit back, enjoy my tomato juice, and fall asleep.
At peace, 30,000 feet above the world
Touch
Carrying a duffle bag in my hand, fingers turning red and cramping.
The feel of linoleum, or whatever 2028 airport floors are made of, under my feet.
Running to catch my flight. The relief of sitting in those awkwardly carpeted seats.
Shaking hands with the flight attendants, the feel of the plane engine rumbling.
Takeoff.
Hear
The sound of people chatting before and after takeoff.
The token screaming baby, the parents apologizing.
The flight attendants thanking us for flying whatever airline we were on this week.
Chatting with the people in the seat next to you about what you’re doing in the next place.
Feel
Happiness. Pure happiness.
The joy of looking out at the clouds, feeling like I’m on top of the world.
I am at peace with myself, I am fulfilling what I was made to do.
What my soul thrives on.
Who I am as a person has been discovered.
All 30,000 feet above the world.
SD 2/24/18

The vulture,
That I spoke of so long ago,
Was away for so long.
But, I regret to inform,
He has returned.
Here you are, yet again,
Tearing me down
Leaving me alone
Abandoning me.
But,
That’s what you’re best at.
Leaving me on my own.
You have taught me I can survive on my own.
For that, I thank you.
SD 3/8/18

i’ve heard of sun-downing in Alzheimer’s patients.
their symptoms get worse as the day turns to night.
this is the best description of how I feel
as the day gets darker, so does my mind.
one second I am happy,
then, the sun sets.
literally and figuratively,
my brain goes to the dark place.
the place where self worth is non-existent.
the place where everyone hates you.
the dark places joins hands with the dark
and runs you dry.
SD 2.13.18