i'm in need of some love,
heart's in disrepair.
beyond tired of hearing people
say they'll always be there.
even when my tears
are trailing mascara down my face
they still turn away,
leaving nothing but a trace
of who they used to be,
yet another ghost of my past.
when they choose moments to comfort me
the moment i needed it was already gone fast.
how dare they take everything
when they give nothing,
empty promises, half truths
always forgetting lines--they're bluffing.
i have so much
love to give, to receive
how dare they take everything,
all i gave them, and leave?
how dare they leave me behind;
i was the flashlight during their darkest moment,
the unconditional love and guidance i gave--
my utmost bestowment.
i shouldn't be surprised,
i was simply a warm home when they were hungry and cold
well now i'm watching the story
of my betrayal unfold.
i'm in need of some love,
heart's in disrepair.
don't tell me you're gonna stay
if you won't actually "always be there."

I want to be done in the way that isn't final

Maybe just be in a coma for like
Three years

And not have to worry about anything
Or see anyone
Or go anywhere

People get exhausting
Work piles up
Money becomes not worth it

Emptiness make you wanna give up

Drowning in homework
Or your own blood

A constant headache
A steady job

I feel like I'm withering away

Even though I'm so young
And I really shouldn't complain

My life is pretty okay

But the more friends I make

The more tired I get
The more they wanna talk
The less I do
And I can feel myself pushing away
Because they're "normies"
They'd never understand

And I'm trying to plan my whole life out in front of me
Even though obstacles keep delaying me
And people keep disappointing me

I have to remember
Again
And again

The world doesn't revolve around me

the first time i heard the words
"greater than the sum of its parts"
my mind drifted to you, of course
because of your shattered soul and misplaced mind
always too much or not enough
of everything.
but soon the branches starting
tap tap tapping
at my window, owls waking me up
to whisper your secrets in my ears.
the first time you looked at me with your cerulean eyes
and made me a promise you soon broke,
i eagerly forgave you,
for i could not resist the sugar trickling off your words.
then it happened a second time, a third
a fourth
a fifth
and now, i can't remember what it's like for you to
actually make promises you'll keep.
the owls visited me last night and
with their words, it was the first time i thought that
maybe your whole is
less than the sum of your parts.

This was not love making.
This was sin
and the devil victoriously
danced between the sheets.

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.