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Ruther Cabral Jun 2019
It started when I was twelve
A new place, a new school
When I couldn't quite understand myself
Not the best place to lose my school

It started when I was in class
When the teacher called me innocently
My heart started beating too loud, too fast
And then I felt all heads and eyes on me

It started when I was fourteen
The year when I was invited to a dance
But all I could hear were the haunting taunts, so mean
That's why I stayed home in a trance

It started when he asked me out
By this guy I liked, out of the blue
When I tried to answer, I couldn't open my mouth
Red-faced, I ran like an animal escaping the zoo

It started when I was sixteen
And I was graduating top of the class
But giving a speech, I wasn't too keen
Felt a bottomless pit on my stomach so vast

It started when I was an adult
Found myself not getting any employment
I just know that all of this is my fault
Cause it feels like some kind of punishment

I know how it all started
But I only have so much left to bend
I feel like I am being deserted
I just wanna know when this will end
Had an assignment to present social anxiety disorder creatively and this was the result. Only had a day to do this, so it's pretty rough.

Disclaimer: mostly NOT based on my own experiences
Ruther Cabral Apr 2019
You
One day
I was walking
By this lonely road
Heading for nowhere
Then I thought of you

One day
I was dreaming
This unintelligible haze
Of maddening nothings
Then I thought of you

One day
I was writing
The days of my life
Where not a thing stood out
Then I thought of you

One day
I was reading
This bumbling love story
That I never related to
Then I thought of you

One day
I would say
This out loud to you
Then probably it can be a reality
And not just a thought of you
Ruther Cabral Mar 2019
It was a beautiful day
The sun was out
The sea breeze
And the crashing waves

I was raring for a dip
And I was curious
I was drawn
Like newly hatched turtles
To the sea

I can’t recall
The exact moment
I felt the tingling sensation
Of the saltwater
On my sole

It was fun, at first
The contrast of
The cold water
And my warm legs
Yin and yang

Dazed, I went forward
On and on and on
I was clamoring for the cold
Even if the sea
Didn’t seem to mind

The water was up ’til my chest
But I didn’t notice it then
The waves were higher
Hitting me more regularly
Like clockwork

The water was up ’til my nose
I couldn’t breathe
Well, I did but it was
All water

I try to go back
But the currents pull me in
And then I realized
I was in too deep
Ruther Cabral Mar 2019
I am a force
To be reckoned with
But I can't help
But be pulled
By your gravity

Are you the Earth
And I, the moon?
Orbiting for eternity
Close but not quite touching
Near yet so far

Am I an asteroid?
Speeding across the galaxy
Burning brightly in your sky
And then crashing into you
My remains only a blemish
On your beautiful face

Are we twin stars?
Revolving around a common point
A dance perfected across millenia
Our audience, the planets
Our witness, the constellations

Or are you a black hole?
Devouring everything in sight
Slowly seeping away at my light
I grow weaker and weaker
Still entirely devoted
Until I am no more

— The End —