Life is not like instagram,
it doesn't come with an edit button.

On one side there’s fear.
Fear that I’ll die alone
fear that I’ll fall
fear that I’ll fail.
On one side there’s hurt.
Hurt that I’m forgotten.
Hurt that you’re not.
Hurt that I’m ignored.
On one side there’s joy.
Joy at some praises.
Joy at kind words.
Joy I can’t enjoy.
On one side there’s frustration.
Frustration I can’t articulate.
Frustration I can’t fix.
Frustration I can’t escape.
And I’m all boxed in.

It's all an act,
The smiles I send to those that pass me in the hall,
The ex girlfriends I once said I loved,
The laughs and chuckles,
Almost any conversation that someone holds meaning to,
It was all an act,
There is only one person in this god forsaken world;
A single person I didn't have to put on an act for,
That person was you,
But when I took off my mask,
Showed my true face you turned the other way,
In silence you left me naked with no mask to hide me,
All the truth came out and I'm left in silence,
Still loving you through this pain,
Still there when you are in trouble,
Always thinking of and loving you,
With my emotion loose,
Running ramped through my heart,
Like a wild animal through a burning jungle,
My mask broken now,
The act must go on,
I will go on...

I am so close
to saying goodbye,
to being finished
because I can't
live anymore.

I walk about
with a smile on my face
while my insides are being
ripped apart,
with a mask so heavy
it encases my body
so densely and restricting
while withering away
whatever is left inside
slowly killing it.