Why is it so
when sleep is eluding
My restless mind wanders
In and out of thoughts
Yet stops at you.
Always you.
Why?
You never loved me. In my mind I took comfort
In the thought of you
Yet so I still take comfort in your memory.
Ending my wandering soul
Stopping in your strong arms
And my lingering mindfulness of
Always you.

You grabbed my scarf in the silent shadows
Of that wintery night.
To bring me closer to your open soul
To bring me warmth with your soft breath

And all at once, piercing winds
And tingling fingers
Were unknown to us
Just as the rest of the world-
Vanished.
So too my longing-
Vanished.

And I found a warmth only
Once imagined, in the depths of my
Dreams.

And now I no longer fear the blustered wind
At my back
For you are there
And it is but not a dream.

So deep my eyes do stare
Into your soul through your heart
And slowly I fall
Farther and farther down
Into a sea of hopeless affection

Slowly drowning in thoughts of moments together
Yet so far apart

Returning with saddened hopes
Brutally realized
That it was me. One-sided.
Unfortunate mistaken kindness
For something deeper.
Like the withered and dried
Pressed petals you gave me
Once fragrant now fragile;
Simply lost in memory.
The collection preserved
Between salt water stained pages
Of handwritten poems never shared
Composed in sleepless moments
On sand underneath
Weeping palm trees.

Into a dark ocean I stare.
Nothingness.
Yet perhaps small glimmers of light; false as they may seem to the eye and soul
still nothingness
Miraged hope
unattainable light
too far away on the endless horizon

Maybe if I cry enough tears
I will become part of the salty water
In which you so often submerge your soul

Maybe then I will once more
Feel you in my depths

On Sunday I cry
From Joy
Out of sorrow
To connect myself once again with my soul
Lost but near
And so full of being and of life.
I seek to find my way
Within so I may fully be
At peace and have no fear of
Without.
For I, alone, am whole
I, alone, am love
I, alone, am one.
I, alone, am all.
From love
From joy
From you.