I need touch
but not of any kind.
I need the gentle one
filled with tenderness and love.
It is so hard to tell
for it means admitting
the ache in my chest
clenching tight.
I need to let myself feel it.
I don't want to get numb,
not again.

I feel so vulnerable.
Fragile.
Like porcellain.
Lying still in silence,
calmly crying tears.
They carry my hurt,
my loneliness.
At the same time
they carry the knowledge
that I am indeed
loved.

I am scared,
scared that by telling this
you are going to let me
slip.
A fragile child
shattering on the ground.
Rejected once again,
old scars reopening.
It's too much to bear.
It just hurts so much.
Rejected,
lonely once more.

So if i reach out for you
please don't freak out,
I'm not in love
nor am I a stalker
but a part of me is hurting
and i want it to heal.

I need touch,
a tender caress,
the warmth of skin
so comforting.
Please hold me close,
don't let go.
I feel so exposed,
nothing left to hide behind.

Please don't turn away,
I'm standing here,
so insecure,
soul stripped of all armor.

And I'm scared.

I find myself here again,
I can't seem to get away.
No matter where I go
I always end up here again.

I tried to follow the lights,
I tried to get to the village,
but i'm still stuck here.
This **** forest won't let me go.

All i've accomplished
is lighting up the paths
that lead into nothingness,
the village always in sight,
but always out of reach.

Visitors come and go,
but I can never follow them
back home
as the paths seem to change
and lead me astray.

None of my actions matter,
I may change the forest
but in the end i'm still stuck here.
Am I cursed to roam these paths forever?

What kind of sick game is this?

I used to be your scapegoat,
responsible for everything,
treated like an infection.
I was just so shy and quiet,
your perfect prey.

I chose to ignore you,
pretend to be the strong girl,
but I had so many wounds
hidden in darkness.

I carried on day after day,
your calls at my back.
I numbed the pain
what else could I do?
Numb and lost.

I grew older,
became stronger,
but the fragile girl
still lives deep inside of me.

"You're kind of boring,
You never go out,
You stay in you're room all day.
You should be more outgoing..."

Maybe I am boring...
I don't socialize very often after all.
I listen to music all day,
Not the most interesting thing to do,
And I don't have many friends.

I'm such a bore.
People don't like to spend time with me,
They will just forget about me!
I guess I have to live with it...

"I like you we have much in common.
You like art and music,
And you're thoughtful.
But you can be really funny at times.
I think you're an interesting person."

But they said I was boring.
I thought noone liked me,
I thought no one cared,
But you apparently do.

So am I boring?

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the ****** and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to ***** up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

I walk barefoot
Down the wooden trail
Golden sunlight peeks through the canopy of trees
Making my skin pearlescent green

Birds above me,
Chattering and clattering
Bold blues, striking reds, electric yellows
Flit through the sky
A woodpecker up above,
Drumming against a tree
I soak in every delicious detail
of sight and sound
Enveloping me

The forest calls me deeper,
And into it I must go
I know I will lose what I have now
But I'm willing to lose it all
In order to grow
I don't care so much about external decorations anymore,
Flowers for my stem
I need deep roots more than I need flowers right now,
But I'll have both in the end

I'll jump down the rabbit hole,
Get lost in the splendor
Of a lifetime adventure
Release all illusions of control,
Free falling, arms wide open--
Deeper I shall go.

From the top of this mountain
I look upon the earth.
Everything seems so small
as the wind is stroking my skin.

All our problems,
insignificant.
As gravity looses it's grip on me
my worries fade away.

The wind is whispering to me,
begging me to follow its call.
Like a feather
it carries me away.