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Breaking out with my faults
I can't handle becoming an adult,
My scars are open
My life is determined by someone else' pen

There is no recovery from suicide
There is no place to hide.
I know that I've lived and fought
But what happens when you're a neet who takes bottles in one draught

When you give yourself less but everyone else so much more
Man life ***** when you're poor,
I hate the meds because it makes me feel weak, reliant and unhappy
Shoutout to Dappy.

I almost met my fate yesterday, oh what a feeling of ecstasy.
It almost seemed like a fantasy,
It isn't about the lie, it is how the truth is denied
It isn't about life, it is how you've lived with a knife.
Make comments if you can relate or just wish to comment.
 Sep 2016 Raquel Butler
Shay
He stands tall and sanguine like a beautiful sunflower;
always facing the sun and absorbing its positivity and strength hour by hour;
never allowing the darkness to swallow him whole or cause him discomfort or pain -
he just brushes it off and grows more compelling and powerful through the storms and the rain.

And here I am, the opposite; a wallflower
who hasn't got the strength to go on (nor the willpower) -
I am a wilting, moribund soul with dwindled leaves and descending dead seeds;
suffocated by the never ending nightmare - I join the worthless weeds.
Sometimes I go in
too deep just to see if you
still feel any pain.

The wince on your face,
the sudden drawing of breathe.
Timeless everything.

Sometimes lovely and
maybe just another kink
to get through a night.
 Sep 2016 Raquel Butler
Mazzy Ram
I keep comparing
Left and right
It's just a matter of time until I stop
But there seems to be no end
Why can't I let go
Do you understand?
I hope this battle strikes its command
Because I'm starting to feel
This will never be able to heal
It eats my soul
Builds its rancor
Why can't I just accept
Me for who I am
 Sep 2016 Raquel Butler
Erin
For every heartbeat I have left in my body,
I will love you
For every syllable that passes through my lips, I promise you this
I will love you
For every stutter when you leave me speechless,
Every daydream that conjures endless possibilities
For every touch and kiss
I promise you this
I will love you
For every moment shared, every love filled stare, baby I swear
I love you
 Sep 2016 Raquel Butler
Kareena
I am happy for you
Really, I am
I smile for you and I am excited
When you tell me every modicum
Of how he looked the other day
Or your intentional conversations
But I cannot help but feel inside
Like it soon may be over for you
Like it was for me, it always was
And I never want that for you
I want him to be the one you marry
I really hope for your sake he is
I pray you never have to have your heart broken
I pray you never have to live without him
I pray you never feel rejected
But I know your man is different
You chose the right one the first time
If I start to write a poem, will I finish it this time
Or will I give up midway through, because there aren't enough rhymes
In this old dreadful, awful language born of brutal feudal swine
Wearing wigs and pantaloons, and saying words like 'thee' and 'thine'?

If I have a hazy thought, will I succeed in making clear,
That murky bit of intuition felt, or will it disappear,
The minute I put ink to paper and begin to toy around
With all the scattered bits of insight that implicitly abound?

If I find myself inspired all the sudden by a muse,
Will she hastily retire before I can spread the news
Of all her wondrous gifts to me, that I so luckily did capture
In a transcendental state of exaltation, joy, and rapture?

If I have a vivid vision, flowing freer than the stream
Of a river, clear as crystal, and as dazzling as a dream
Will my will be of such power that I'll succeed to convey
It, or just fall flat in defeat and then retreat into dismay?

If I see sumptuous fruits that hang atop the mighty tree
That's down the road of human intellect and creativity
Will my reach extend sufficiently to gather them and bring
Them back into...into... oh, **** it! I can't think of anything.

                                                (╯°□°)­╯︵ ┻━┻
Har har har
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