The story I'm going to tell is something that isn't good.
A registered *** offender moved to my neighborhood.
A child molester moved to my neighborhood and I didn't want him here.
When I told my neighbors that I wanted him to leave, I made my point clear.
But the idiots said that everybody deserves a second chance.
Sometimes that is true but not under this circumstance.
All of my neighbors said that we should forgive and forget.
They ignored me and it was something they would regret.
Less than two months later, a neighbor's daughter was molested.
The police were called and the creep was handcuffed and arrested.
I told everybody time after time to make him leave but they ignored my advice.
And because of their stupidity, my neighbor's underage daughter paid the price.
I have a message that each and every person needs to receive.
If a child molester moves to your neighborhood, you should demand that he leaves.

The world lost a talented actor one year ago today.
After being on Earth for almost 83 years, he passed away.
He starred in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
People also loved his performances in '1990' and 'Pack of Lies'.
He also entertained us when he starred in 'Othello' and 'Born and Bred'.
His entire fanbase has grieved for 365 days because he is dead.

It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
My life went straight to Hell because of the lottery.
I got $100,000,000 when I won the Powerball.
But after just two years, I'm broke, I lost it all.
I bought expensive cars, mansions and a yacht.
I went broke partly because of the things I bought.
I also had family and friends begging at my door.
Two years ago I was rich, but now I'm dirt poor.
When it came to my money, I should've been tight.
But I was generous, I handed out money left and right.
I gave $250,000 to my church but ended up being sorry.
The preacher used my donation to buy himself a Ferrari.
I shouldn't have chosen to get my money in one lump sum.
Now I'm living in a cardboard box because I'm a ***.
I also lost money because the Government made me pay tax.
I wanted to go after those Government Officials with an ax.
The Government took the money and I told them where to stick it.
If you want to avoid being in my shoes, stop buying lottery tickets.

When I built a time machine, I traveled back to 1977 and gave my younger self a hard smack.
When I was a child, I bought the Star Wars action figures and removed them from their packs.
I told my younger self not to do that because it ruins the value of the dolls.
Even though I traveled back in time, he ignored me, he didn't listen at all.
He continued to remove the figures from the packs and so I traveled back in time again.
This time I took a gun with me and I got so angry that I shot my younger self in the shin.
I begged him not to remove the figures from the packs but he ignored every word.
He told me to f* off and then the little ******* gave me the bird.
He thought I was bluffing and he left me with no choice but to pull the trigger.
That bullet was painful enough to convince him not to ruin the value of my figures.
That bullet is still in my shin and when I sit down, it really hurts and I cry like a little *****.
But it's worth it because a collector paid me $1,000,000 for my figures and now I'm rich.

Because of my upbringing and education, I'm a man who has substance and class.
But nobody will believe that if they learn that I have a hairy ***.
I have hair sticking out of my **** crack and hair on my **** cheeks.
I'm afraid that this information will be discovered and posted on Wikileaks.
People must never discover my secret, nobody can know.
And if they discover my terrible secret, they will have to go.
Yes you heard me right, when it comes to preserving my secret, I'm prepared to ****.
When it comes to my secret being discovered, I must make certain that it never will.
My sheepdog has less hair on his entire body than I have on and sticking out of my ****.
Don't you dare reveal mt secret to people or I'll come to your house and you will get cut.
I have an awesome job that pays over a million dollars each year.
But if people learn about my hairy ***, I can say goodbye to my career.
My wife has agreed to keep my secret but she complains and we bicker.
I shaved my *** a couple of times but when it grew back, it was even thicker.
My *** is hairy and my wife looks and smells like Jabba the Hutt.
Nobody can ever know that I have an extremely hairy ****.

It was a meal that my late mom cooked but it sure didn't please.
Every New Year Day, Mom cooked hog jowls and black-eyed peas.
I always ate it but it was something that I didn't enjoy at all.
I would've rather had pizza, Domino's was who I should've called.
I don't have to eat those meals anymore and it sets my mind at ease.
Thank God that I no longer have to eat hog jowls and black-eyed peas.

Prohibition began one hundred years ago in the USA.
People had their right to drink ***** taken away.
This made people unhappy and they began to whine.
And this caused Al Capone to start peddling moonshine.
Capone was evil and because of him, people were killed.
On December 5 1933, the 18th Amendment was repealed.
People were very happy because prohibition came to an end.
They were as giddy as school girls to have the right to drink again.