frozen in emotion, the girl sits and stares.
her ears are ringing with the hum of his name.
her hands aren't shaking, she is motionless.
the girl is quiet & calm as she stares into his eyes;
she is taking in every line, freckle and element of his face.
everything moves in slow motion as her heart softly flutters.

the buddhists speak of soul-mates, they say if find yours; you will be serene.
no uneasiness.
no anxiety.
no apprehension.

just the tranquil river of love smoothly flowing through your veins
and the quiet, alternating heartbeats that beat with veracity.

I was not enough
Still not enough
And will never be enough.

I was not good enough
Still not good enough
And will never be good enough

But I am useless enough
Careless enough
Frustrated enough
Clueless enough
Lonely enough
Mad enough
Ugly enough
Stupid enough
Lacking enough
Furious enough
Scared enough
Insecure enough
Dumb enough
Afraid enough
Monster enough
Sad enough

Does that count?
Am I already enough?

P.S. This list is not even half of my original list.

They are a part of you, those scars,
No denying that, how can there be?
You are not alone though, never alone,
and there is no shame, not one iota.
Any who judge you, find you lacking,
Are not worthy of your time, nope!
They will never understand; never!
Not advocating the cutting, nah,
Just accepting it that it happens,
Just like it might rain tomorrow.
Accept yourself and learn, love,
Find ways to cope, to push through,
Know that you are all right, yes?
They are a part of you, those scars,
No denying that, how can there be?

©Paul M Chafer 2015

My past, threaded with love,
Both good vibes, also so painful.
That pain, it wrinkles the soul,
Draws attention, refuses to yield,
Resists any attempts to flatten,
So I tried dropping it, dumping.
That worked, for a little while,
Until cringe moments crept back.
We all have them, who have lived,
We who have loved with hot fever.
Why is letting go the hardest part?
Not because we want to keep, no,
Because we want rid, want to shed.
Maybe because we enjoy the pain,
Secretly, a small part pleads guilty.
When we think we have accepted,
Released the pain of the past, in time,
It suddenly rises up, slams into us,
So cruelly hard that we are shocked.
Only way, keep on dumping, do it,
Keep on rising, cherishing the now,
Continue loving in the present, yes,
Send those memories a message,
We are done, bad times, surely done.
I made mistakes, I misbehaved, yes.
It is love, for crying out loud: love!
Not some factual analysis, but love!
Do not punish us anymore, never,
For we are guiltless when in love,
For we never had any choice: none.
Love is like that; it is: it surely is.

©Paul M Chafer 2015

You see, forgetting you
is not a one time thing
it's a constant daily battle
stop thinking about him
remember the times
he stood you up
remember the times
he broke your heart
remember the things
he said in his anger
remember the way
he left you all alone
remember how
he gave no explanation
oh but remember
the roses he brought you
remember the late night conversations
remember the first time
he told you he loved you
remember the secrets
he confided in you
no, stop
stop
remember what's good for you
remember he's not good for you
remember what you deserve
forget him every day
every morning when you wake up
and your brain wants to bring him up
remember the nights you spent
crying on your bed
remember your best friend
cursing his name
remember your mother
cursing herself for not stopping you
remember your brother
cursing himself for not protecting you
remember the days at the hospital
the pills, the drops, the shots
remember what is best for you
he is not best for you
remember that
and forget him
every year
every month
every week
every day
every second
if that's what it takes

Pardon me, I know this is a pick-up line
As standard as my Chevy four-wheel drive,
I was at the end of the bar when you passed by.
I don't come on often, I'm usually a little shy
I couldn't help but notice your blue eyes,
They are as blue as the western sky.
Your hair is like threads of silk, how it shines!
Your face is friendly. Can I be your guy?

May I sit in this chair by your side?
I'd like to have the barkeep bring you another white wine,
And sit and talk a while, can you spend the time?
I'd really like to win you over. I think you're looking fine.
My impression is your're just as sweet as a mother's lullaby.
The soft lights are bringing out the longing in your eyes.
I didn't mean to intrude in your thoughts tonight.
I only came to ask you out. Can I be your guy?

No, Madam, I didn't see your ring. Gee, it's nice.
I wouldn't change a word I've said, please, pay no mind.
I'm glad we got to share this time, it seems right.
I'd like to stay and finish my drink, while I pine.
I'll thank-you, then leave with a friendly good-bye.
As soon as I've sobered, I'll go to my truck. Home, I'll drive.
I'm a little confused... Where is your man tonight?
Oh, I'm sorry I guess I'm just envious of your guy.