I wish the sky wasn't blue.
I wish that water wasn't wet.
And i wish that i didn't still love you...

Love:
Your spoken words don't only draw attention but pictures i want to be apart of.
You need not take off your clothes for me to acquire the truth cause truth be told, the truth is the sound of your voice.

It's surreal, that my serenity is because of  another human being.
A being who's got me falling like autumn leaves, and as i fall the rest of me deteriorates slowly.

Love:
I think of...the circumstances under which we became acquainted.
I was a tainted image, came with negatives, while you were picture perfect and i was trying to inherit this.

Love:
You need to hate me now, i'm selfish and i was told i need to be selfless, hence why i'm doing this...


I LOVE YOU

what is a real friend?
my definition...a real friend is a person that doesn't exist because half the people around us would exit like Bruce Jenners **** and become non existent, during crisis.
i know it must be hard to digest like Donald Trump going into office...think about it, the ******* is busy banning muslim's, yet if you ask me, he would be the only terrorist i see, in a mosque full of Osama Bin Ladin's. wait how did i get here

the last time i spoke my mind on this platform i had lost my other half. i wrote about her because i saw the wolves surround her and it killed me inside to know that i couldn't defender her anymore...wait let me rephrase that
IT WASN'T MY JOB  TO DEFENDER HER ANYMORE

rough isn't it?
i still blame myself for what happened

The story of my life has never been one direction but a couple of blessings that come from me learning lessons and understanding that women are like different fragrances some that last longer through your trials and tribulations and some that are wrapped in fancy packaging claiming....but what am I saying she was an angel or so I thought meanwhile she was fake like an actress covering up with facials, never thought personas where part of life's daily essentials or that the essentials where really becoming essential.
Masquerading, parading but at the end  saying you're real though had my fair share of drama in this world involving this one girl turned into an ******* as they said but as I learnt in school I had to recycle cause pain comes around everytime like the menstrual cycle

How can I ever love again...knowing I had everything I ever wanted in you

I think its fair to say you imprinted your name into my heart, your smile into my memories, and your kiss to my lips...I will forever love you cause you were my true sight of bliss

When I see you with your new guy and he isn't treating you right, but you let your pride get in the way to see what's wrong or right...

I seem to be bound to something that's out of bounds...drowned to the sound of nothing cause she aint around, now I'm here with these windows down writing nouns, we used to be high together but lately we're on different clouds...I seem to have found higher ground with you, the only woman, I would ******* ride or die for you, my world was so complete, but I guess dreams aren't for keep, I got a bottle of *****, a gun and your voicenotes on repeat

...I'm leaving I'm gone
But what if I'm wrong, could it be that you have my heart beating to the beat of your song

Another morning of another day... Without you I still stay
Although I'll see you today at school
It won't be the same

Now let's go back, back to reality we fell for each other but there was no gravity to hold us, but I caught you, held you tight with all my might even though we were crash landing, I loved the flight, I would do it all again start from the beginning where we were just friends
I would go through the all pain I endured when you walked away just for a moment in my arms where you would lay because time with you always took my breath away

I'm laying deep in thought in this bed of lies, questions inter twine as your name circles my mind
I realise that the saying that says things will be better in time is just a lie
Ever since the 4th I've buried my smile
Cause the reason I had for it died now all I do is reconcile old feelings while I'm alive

Ive always known the definition of Fatal Attraction as: an attraction between an individual and someone that is so strong that the individual lacks reason and logic in their thinking when dealing with their attraction...the subject is often someone that will have a negative impact on the individual.
That used to be my definition until I met you...
Now my definition of Fatal Attraction is: 15 May 2015 [losing my girl Caitlyn]

Relapse...
I just relapsed again
After walking on that long road called recovery
I'm back where I started
The memories...
Something I thought that had departed from my head
Is something that got me back here instead
I can't get rid of you..
you're like a drug that's destroying me but yet can't seem to get enough of
you're like the sun, you **** me with the summer heat but I'll miss you in the winter cold
you're irreplaceable, even if you have replaced me...I won't be able to replace you
Its impossible...because I've Relapsed

I'm lying deep in thought on my bed of lies, questions inter twine as your name circles my mind
I realise that the saying that says things will be better in time is just a lie
Ever since the 4th I've buried my smile
Cause the reason I had for it died now all I can do is try reconcile
I lied when I said I'll be fine without you
I lied when I said I don't need you
I lied when I said I'll never miss you cause the truth is now I can't go through a day without thinking about you
I miss you...

"Get sober!
Its time to start over..."
In my mind the only words that are ****** in are "Its over" and then my mind decides to plays tricks on me and tells me I'm still sober even after I've finished a bottle of liquor...

I mess up because I love you, but can't make you mine, because I know you love that other dude

You were a father I wished I had and a man I wish I become...

I'll never be the same again since you came my way

I'll never be SOBER...




From the day you said it was over




I'll never be SOBER...




Cause when I'm sober I think and when I think you come to mind and when you come to mind I find that I start wishing that I could just die...but when I'm not sober this pain becomes a distant memory, I don't think, therefore you don't come to mind, I don't find the need to die cause through time the alcohol consumption buries my mind so you see I don't mind...but what I mind is what my mind is doing right now, and that's thinking, I want to stop but that's impossible then I'll have to stop living...I guess sober or drunk it doesn't really matter, I will think and when I think you'll come to mind and when you come to mind I'll just want to die...



I'll never be SOBER...

What would you do if I die now?
I feel like blowing my brains out, so I guess this will be my last bow
This is my Curtain call, I caught you when you were about to fall
That's a metaphor showing you how much you meant to me that's all
This is about a girl who became my world
And allowed me to bury my soul
Now she's built a wall as high as Jericho
She turned me into a cold person
Now I seem to resemble this world I despise
Isn't that ironic??
Now I wish i could really die...



            







Here I go,  I'm flying to the next universe
Not knowing what's ahead whether its a blessing or terrible curse...but what I know is that I'll never be sober cause I'm scared of the memories they might hurt

Its the fight of my life
I'm swinging left and right
Mind emotionally drained
Been punching at the same spot for so many nights
Took my gloves off
Now each blow is harder than the first  
It hurts...
The fight of the season
Me versus the wall you created
Which is the reason,we are even separated
You left without a warning
Built this foe that I'm going toe to toe with
I'm bleeding out
The fight of the season is turning into the last fight I'll ever be in
Can't punch anymore, knuckles bare
I'm knocked out, maybe dead
Now my new home is the cold floor
This is the last time I cared

Ride or Die...
That's what it came to when I was with you
What I loved about you was that you seemed so simple
But you were twisted like a salted pretzle
You were incredible
My Ride or Die
My world
The only place were I can truly bury my soul
But then again...you left
Then you filled my veins with ice and left me so cold
Now I'm watching you and you're  happy and I'm living in misery
You're looking to your future
While I'm just part of that history
Ride or Die
That's what YOU meaned to me

First time I saw you
You were looking for a class I was inspired to find
At first glance your greyish brown eyes gave me a chill that ran through my spine
You were a mystery no one could solve
And you had a history you barely spoke of...

Waking up
And you're the first thing on my mind
That's why I hate being sober and I'm drunk most of the time
Another day has come...which means I'm forced to see you smile at someone elses jokes....
I just wish I could take some time and elope








Disappear forever under the ground, with these words as the final sound as I travel to the promise land listening to Bob Marely
"Don't worry about a thing cause every little thing will be alright"
I just wish that I didn't have to worry about you...
Cause its killing me so much that when I sleep I wake up dead
You were not fair
I guess this is my karma for making you fall for me cause I'm literally falling and there's no gravity to hold me
I loved flying with you even if we did crash and burn and even if your final words did break my bones...

When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours

There was only one girl I ever saw face to face, her name I cannot say
She was the only one that could make my heart race
And the only one I would want in this Paper Town to stay
She was a real girl living in a Paper World
Concealed by her friends thoughts
I knew her hearts content and she knew mine
Looking on that day I don't have any regretted mistakes cause at the end of the day she was mine...
She was my bottle of Whiskey on some days and ***** on the next
They warned me about my addiction but I was just a drunk mess...

We're involuntary slaves to the system
Women degrading themselves to pay for tuition, little kids wishing, that someone could see their vision, what's with all the killing, ****** our ladies what the hell are we thinking
Making babies, then running away, now mommy's on child support, with no work, waiting on the government to pay..her parents are disappointed that their baby is a parent,16 and pregnant, its no show this is the real segment...I have a dream Martin Luther once said, he talked about equality and the freedom of  men, but we live in a world where we put high  prices on bread, reading all these terms and conditions now my vision's impaired
Its only fair that we stop this malicious attempt whether you're black or white, male or female we should all have one thing and that's respect!!

Let's pretend that I had friends would I be so different, would I have all this anger and would have I picked up this pen, would have I wrote all these words to curse everyone that hurt me, until the very end...let's pretend...
Let's not pretend to what's already happening, they say I'm Extraterrestrial like an Alien,You'd swear I was a court case cause they keep judging my name, the only defense I have is this pen and this page
Being pushed over the edge, by the people you love, the people you trust, then finding out that their truly corrupt   you've had enough, enough of being a puppet to these corporate muppets,
They make me sick to my stomach, now I'm spitting out words that I can't stomach
**** it
The next time the world gives me hell I'll take a gun put it to my temple and **** it...

Its not where you are or who you are...its the hours, the minuets and the seconds you have in life...they might be the scariest times or even the happiest but I'm sure of one thing you have to make em the most exceptional times...being in hospital having people care, after they saw I was knocking on deaths door!!! Maybe I do have something to live for...I can adapt to the new surroundings, I will not perish...but then again all good things don't last forever, and life isn't as good as it seems...not when you're me anyway, I mean I lost the girl of my dreams, the only person that knew me and the only person I can be real with, I lost my niece who still had a long life to live which was cut short by a driver...and I missed 2 weeks of school! Today 11 May 2015 @ exactly 14:13pm I'm sitting in my room, which looks like the atomic bomb that hit nagasaki paid a visit!! Everything is different now, I miss Caitlyn even more, I wish I could turn back the hands of time, I wish I could have gotten my niece and nephew off the road, I wish life was back to normal...but I guess that's all those are...wishes! I wonder if she thinks about me or even misses me....I wonder if my niece is smiling with the lord Jesus up in Heaven...those two changed me! I was never the same again when they walked into my life!! Anyway, that's all I have right now #StayCool

I seem to be bound to something that's out of bounds...drowned to the sound of nothing cause she's not around, now I'm here with the windows down writing these nouns, we used to be high together but lately we're on different clouds...I don't know how, it came about.
For us to be so close then to turn into the un-found
I mean  my world was so complete, but I guess dreams aren't for keep, now i got a bottle of *****, a gun and your voice notes on repeat...
I don't know why I can't just forget you
You're basically crossing my mind and sometimes it just hurts too much that I wish I could eat a bullet and die maybe then will I forget you
Barely ever sober no more
Wake up with a shot, just to collect my thoughts
Your definition of drunk is my reality of soberness  
Its how I control the urge to jump infront of a moving bus...
Isn't it funny I'll be using your fear as an escape route
Maybe then you'll realise how much my heart hurts
Or did hurt cause Its not there anymore
I gave it to you, you took it,held it closely to your chest until the day on the 4th of May you decided to throw it away because you were afraid that I might do the same
So you left first
And I had to deal with the hurt but thank you cause I finally understand that love is a curse