and some nights I feel like ice that cools in the mid winter or crisp fall leaves that have just fallen, life less and dead at the end of their journey once so beautiful and radiant a sight to see some thought of thee then life came and the colors changed the greens turned into hot reds  then just as fast as it arrived the color left the leaves wrinkled and the wind came to collect its debt ripping its heart the leaf hit the ground slowly doing its last glide in the air as it hit the ground to no longer live again

be so high be so low
but many do not know
for the burden that I bear
I simply can not show
through tears and the pain
I hold smile and proudly reign
this throne that I sit on under a titled crown will soon come to an end with the devil at my door and my morals poor I must pay the debt of sins that my heart lead too for the spirit was before the flesh therefore forgiveness from the lord seems a bit far fetched for I sin then I cry and beg the lord hear my cry then the devil speaks to me and I fall being so weak

Dear America,
How are you ?
I must ask what do you see as beauty . For I am a young black women who just want to be beautiful in your eyes and so I ask what must I become to be such in yours. Must I buy the hair of foreigners and wear it as my own since I know my natural hair and rough texture to distasteful for your eyes. I have become too ashamed of my appearance therefore please tell me what I must do to be beautiful. I know that my thick thighs and curves are not acceptable. I eat less and run more but I can't seem to quite reach the image displayed in the magazines. My buttocks are quite small and I do not have the means to pay for implantations but I want to be beautiful so I must find a way, right? Oh America my biggest blemish is my dark skin. I search for bleaching products since lighter skin women are superior and I must be part of the hierarchy of beauty. My skin contains this substance called melanin that I just can't seem to get rid of but of course I won't disappoint you I will find a way to become the right complexion.  America I truly do want to be beautiful in your eyes and will do what is necessary. I want men to find me appealing, I want my fellow women to envy my beauty, and most of all I want to be what you view beautiful. ..I have foreign hair now no more  of that rough natural hair, my skin is much lighter and I am a size zero now with a large buttocks. I do not recognize myself in the mirror but why does that matter because you think I'm beautiful now, right America?

some nights I cry
others I shake
more often then so I yearn
I yearn to feel to for I only exist these days wandering through life admiring strange faces and emotions I once felt myself but I crossed paths with the devil who took any life I had left within me now he watches amused at the life he's subjected my soul too a life of forced emotion and smiles a life of laughter drowned out by reality

I look at you and I see the world
I see pain that changed you
Emotions that drowned you
The faces that came and went
The promises that were broken
Disappointment that became the norm,
The nights that broke you and the people who left you empty inside
But I also see hope for humanity
Feel the love within your heart
Hear the warmth in your voice
The world is dark but I see the light in you
keep shining even when it gets dimmed

Pain never goes away.
We just become a little more numb
Tears only await to return.
They await for us to be broken again
Then to get up just to be broken again.