Sleepless nights always start the same
A shaking I can’t control
I chill all over
I know somethings wrong
It keeps me awake
Often it has the same effects
Eventually the shaking turns to rocking back and forth
Tears spring to my eyes like a soldier at attention
Late at night I can’t handle it
it ruins my efforts at being distracted from the causes
I break down
I stop what I doing and sob
as the soldier tears rappel down my cheek to my chin
and dive off the edge
Sleepless nights are the loneliest
I sit there afraid
Of losing you
Of myself
Of myself without you
I can’t bear to be without you
Losing you is the crippling fear
in the back of my mind
that keeps me lying awake at night
and on nights like these it’s the worst
it seems real
like i’ve lost you with no chance of return
Last time i had a night like this
you sent me “love you too”
i kept it on my phone to look at it to reassure myself
last night like this i looked at that message 16 times
scared that it would change
i can’t sleep on a night like this when i don’t have you
i need you more than sleep
i need you more than life
i need you more than anything

There is a silence that binds,
and a type of silence that frees the soul.

Be a lover of silence
that leads to purity of heart.

An inner silence that leads
to a deep freedom in a chaotic world.

A silence birthed out of a chosen solitude
that helps me connect to life.

My heart contains an inner chamber,
where silence is cultivated,
so I can walk free no matter where I am.

A silence that contains serenity and peace
like the hush that fell the world,
when death lead to resurrection.

I don't know if I'm ready
To lay down my guns and
Declare a truce

I don't know if I'm ready
To open the door for you and
Let you inside the walls

I don't know if I'm ready
For anything other than self-sufficiency

I don't know if I'm ready
To hear that not being ready isn't good enough and
That waiting isn't worth it anymore

On a shore flooded in the tide.

Now     on a         flitting            log:

Rain,     trying     to fill up
the ridges white,

that,      I,             along with
*****, snails and           tiny        starfish
are ambling to escape from.

The trees, they are       laughing wet.
As are the            distant           waves,
snapping on returns.

Sometimes I feel
fleetingly
like I am not here.
I feel like a narrator
like a character
in an unfinished novel,
like
like

like an unending street.
Like this town,
like this place-
a collection of lives,
beginnings and ends,
tangled strings
and cracked windows.

Wandering through the small maze
of downtown,
I know the answer.

I need to get out of here.

The first time I saw you
You have eyes that were so innocent,
Hair that perfectly frames your face,
And a smile gives of an aura
Endlessly making me linger
To your being.

However i doubted that
Not all people can be like you
So a rainy day came
And so does your frown
I observed you passively
Hoping something changes

You were so busy on things
With your hand flicking along
I assumed you were consumed
By the world and its people
I approached to help you and asked
"Are you okay?"
You gave a gesture
Seemingly making it so

Confused by these thoughts
I got tangled unknowingly
You were putting me under
Like i was in a case of plunder
With the whys and hows coming
How can i be so stupid to realize.

All this time i fell
By the time i laid
My desperate eyes on you
Thinking it was me all along
Fooling myself that
You needed help
From all these whelp

In the end of all
It was me who needed it
A help from you
From the world itself
By all the traits you have
To keep me going,
Running,
Living,
Breathing and
Hoping.

That someone like you would save someone like me
In a world that is full of mischiefs and illusions

My silence is never a weakness
For it shows darkness
Dwelling inside me
I can no longer carry

It shuts my mouth
While I try to listen
But, darling, you are mistaken
There are thousands of thoughts
Living inside me

This silence is a sponge
Trying to absorb it all
How I wish it doesn't turn to grudge
For I'm afraid on how you'll end up crawling

Pardon me for not saying anything
But I can't keep up with your crap
Trash talking
Yelling

Just wait 'til I'm done
Let me be the one to have fun