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Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
I realized a mistake was made
The moment the music played
Emotions, conditions, circumstances
Were not thoroughly weighed
But the piper was paid
Vows said…that
Should have been delayed
A curse on a heart betrayed…

His true nature had yet to show
Ugliness, anger began to grow
Uncharted emotions began to flow
Brewing on the surface...
And just slightly below…

This relationship
Came on too soon
On a crooked clock
Broken slightly past noon
This was supposed to be
The time of my life?
I should have said no

But…
How was I to know?
True story
My wedding nightmare
Realized a little too late
Remedied six months later  
Be careful with your heart
Trust that little voice inside you
Original 3/12/04
Updated 4/26/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
Where my heart was
There is an empty space
I leave it that way
Just in case
I find one
To replace
The one you stole
From me

Look me in the eye
Look at my face
This is a condition
Only you can erase

Give back my heart
You broke it apart
Now let your love
Be the glue

To start the repair
Then put it back where
The empty space
Holds its place

Without it I am empty
Without you I am empty
I’m holding a space
For you
1/19/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
I’m sorry it’s over...

You no longer meet my EXPECTATIONS
Loving you was no small feat

You no longer meet my WANTS
I know you play, I know you cheat

You no longer meet my DESIRES
Once white hot passion, now absent of heat

You no longer meet my NEEDS
My dreams shattered by neglect

You no longer meet my LOVE
You fractured my heart

The ending is written
This time complete
Again, once at last
There is no future
Only the past

My mistakes with you
I AM DOOMED TO REPEAT

Lost EXPECTATION

Lost WANTS

Lost DESIRES

Lost NEEDS

Lost LOVE

I’m sorry it’s over
Someone had to say it

DO I NEED TO REPEAT?
12/02/03 revised 4/23/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
The butterfly is an ancient symbol of hope, the symbol of new life, and the symbol of those who are bereaved. However, before the beautiful butterfly emerges it must spend time in a cocoon.

It is our human nature to want to assist the butterfly in its attempt to escape from the cocoon; but, if we do release the butterfly prematurely, it will fall to the ground and perish. By its struggle, the butterfly strengthens it wings enabling its survival and flight to freedom.

Our grief in time of sorrow is like the life process of the butterfly. We often spin a cocoon around ourselves to hide the way we feel, our anger, and our desolation. Others may help us in our struggle; we do not need to travel the path of bereavement alone as does the butterfly.  However, the ultimate responsibility is ours. We need to grieve, hurt, cry, be angry, and strive to free ourselves from our own cocoons of grief.  And, hopefully, one day we will emerge like the beautiful butterfly…a stronger, more compassionate and understanding person. Until that time, let the little butterfly on the corner of this page be a symbol of hope, faith and understanding.
I wanted to share this for anyone who needs to see life and death in a simple kind way.  

Twenty years ago I heard this at a memorial service for a colleague. I had the hard copy but thought I had transcribed it on to my word documents. I had shared it many times with friends at various times. Unfortunately my external hard drive died and I lost it completely. I needed it recently and scoured the internet for the butterfly story then gave up. Two days later the original hard copy fell out of a pile of paperwork I had not looked at for years. No coincidence that it came to me in the last place I would have imagined.

The butterfly found me when I needed it the most
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
You abruptly say you are leaving
I stare stunned
Eyes averted unbelieving
I drop to my knees
Heart broken and grieving
Thoughts of loss and pain
Run through my brain
Misery
Loss
Rejection
Are weaving
Into my life again
You seem Hell bent on leaving
I guess looks are deceiving
You looked so content
But you say your love is gone
And you don’t know where it went?
You are going to leave me broken and bent
What is the reason you are giving?
Whatever it is
I am shaken to the core
Stunned I watch
As you pack your stuff
I beg and say
Enough, enough
Our love was Heaven sent
What happened?
What did I miss?
A subtle change?
In your touch?
In your kiss?
Is that all out love meant?
You are declaring us over
Hell Bent?
Or
Heaven Sent?
January 14th 2018
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
Thoughts in love conceived
Misdeeds in love deceived

Now you say
You are relieved

The burden is lost
But at what cost

Now I have no doubt
I have figured it out

You are the one to lose
Do what you choose

So what if I’m singing the blues
I’ve already paid my membership dues…

To the club of love deceived…
~Not a club I'd want to join again
February 4th 2018
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
The Bipolar Bandit comes
To take away my sanity
It wants to steal me away
To take me on a trip of madness
Drags me up above
Shows me things I don’t want to see
Is this really happening to me?

I can’t bare it
I start to cry
Oh no not again
I am crippled in panic

You blindfolded me
Just when I thought I could be free
You stole my life away you thief
Any happiness I have is tainted
You took away my joy
I can’t feel happiness or
Love for family and friends
I only feel anguish

You have ****** the life out of me
I can only look away
As you chuckle and say
“You can’t get away from me”
Struggling to keep my sanity
Wanting to restore me
To the person I used to be
9/30/16 revised 4/2/18
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