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woolgather Nov 2016
I've cut before,
I'd really not want to make a statement;
But I just couldn't take it anymore,
I can't hide behind it!

Cut; bleed; repeat.
I can't stop myself even I don't want to
woolgather May 2016
Retiring from reality, I am once more,
To close my doors and open what's another;
Fall into a very deep slumber,
Fall into a world where mine's all power.
You seem of a distant dream,
I think that's why I can't get you off my head.
Now, I play my tuneless hymn,
Now, I become what is already dead.
You are my rise, you are my fall.
You make me feel good then toss me on the floor.
Though I know you reached your toll,
I still hold you amidst reality's terror.
I know we can never be counted as one,
I know we can never be real,
So here I am, screaming with words,
Trying to tell you what I feel.
Although none I say seem relevant to you,
Losing this game seems more relevant, too,
Jactitating for nothing sounds fair to be true,
Obfuscating the fact that love is my waterloo,
None I say, is relevant, still,
But I know, my love is real;
Farewell, my love, though it's just a deal,
I hope I see you in my dream's reel.
See you in my dreams.
?
woolgather Feb 2017
I tried to make poetry,
But I'm bothered by how idiotic I was;
You tried to help me, I just shut down,
*Now I just have this four-lined ****** apology.
woolgather Aug 2016
I feel comfort most of people far away;
With everything standing as an obstacle;
Yet it is what it is; they stand me up
*And make me filled with words far too kind.
Thank you, everyone.
woolgather Jun 2017
I wish I could be the one to extinguish the flames,
But the world would say otherwise;
As I watch from a distance as you trample your path with rage and sadness;
As I watch another quench the scorching heat,
I freeze with your cooling.
Irrelevant.
Useless.
Nothing but a small stain.
Nevertheless, I never considered it wrong to care.

I may never fix myself but I'll try to help you.


If you ever asked me to.
If I ever was brave enough to tell you.

As I watch from the distance,
Your fate.

As I long to intertwine mine with yours,
To pull you out of the ravine,
But I'm too much of a coward; I'm sorry.

I'm too scared to trample the little things you've given care.
I'm too scared to charge into your world, not knowing of what I can do.
I'm too scared to step inside your door, in your most vulnerable times.
And I ache too much to save you.
But I can't.

To anyone who hears my calls,
To anyone who feels the worry and pity I feel,
To anyone who can reach the heart I am crying about,

Please.

Before his rancor turns into ashes
leave your place if need be

everything right now is meant to be temporary

varnish your heart with resilience; don't give in to the demons that elude you from goodness

in time you will smile again

I hope he can read this; but everything else says otherwise
woolgather May 2016
It is rather difficult,
Spewing words, trying to make sense.
I cannot find the rhythm to suit me,
Yet, they flow out of my mind,
They appear in my paper.
I see happiness all around me,
Yet I cannot find;
I see the gleaming in their eyes,
Yet I cannot compare mine to theirs;
I am dull,
I am one borne from darkness.
An outrageous statement, indeed;
But from the damage I have dealt to myself,
There's no other way to put it.
I find their joys as they see their faces,
None of them see my torture behind these smiles.
My solitude is pitch-black,
My sadness is joy.
I am haunted by the thought of happiness,
I am comforted by my pleas.
I want help,
I don't reach out.
I leave my resolves unfinished,
Enough to hear infinite censures.
They cannot understand,
The chastity I have found within me;
Because of them;
I hate to see the joy in them,
They make me feel left out and envious,
Yet, I cannot do anything,
I know that joy is within me,
It's just hidden in a deep chasm in my heart,
Too deep I cannot even reach it.
No matter how many tears stream down my face,
No matter how much I cheer up,
I can't erase the sadness in my heart and mind.
I am not a victim,
I chose to be this way,
Don't blame me if my spectrum's not your forte,
No one asked you to understand me;
I am a nobody,
Even in my own life;
I am the one borne from darkness.
I'm crying
woolgather Jun 2016
I'd rather see a thousand suns setting,
Loving you seems to be pleasure and torture.
Of course, you'd never understand,
Vast is my heart, yet you are the only thing it has.
Every tear that falls from my eyes, because of love,
You are the cause.
Open your heart, for once;
Undone will always be my confession of love.
Read between my lines, my insignificant love
woolgather Apr 2016
A never-ending rage,
Blowing gusts of hatred,
words, cracking like the sound of thunder,
He wrote, Storm.
Nonsense.
woolgather Jun 2016
I once met a man who thought everything could go his way;
I said to him: Life's not your personalized story book!
And so he slumped down and decayed the rest of his history.






**The man I knew was me.
Broken glass is irreversible
woolgather Apr 2017
I wouldn't know if this was just turbulence or
If it was cathartic comedy
I wish that I've known what wrong was my right and
That my memories were more than just cold
"He's just getting attention" I hear them say
Although that may be partly true
Cause when my dreams stopped painting pictures in my mind
I'd just stare at the dark like an empty cask
And when they would come for my body, it'd already get half-rotten and
I hope my memories won't be so

You'd always leave me cause I wouldn't say,
At least I've accepted that it's my fault
These words are from the moon that you never knew
Too bad that the sun can't shed a tear
And I know that you know that there are a million stars in the galaxy
But you're my only one
"He's just getting attention" I hear them say
Although I can't argue; that could be true
Cause when my dreams started painting my walls black
I'd have no other choice but sit still like an empty cask
And when they would come for my body, it'd already get half-rotten and
I hope my eulogy won't be so

I may not have left my room tidy
But I beg of them to think kindly

They would say save the best for last
I guess then I'm just not the best

Goodbye
.,
woolgather Jul 2017
Alas, he gave it his all,

Yet nothing moved;

Nothing changed,

Nothing for the better

As it eats him whole;

As he sees those he care about

turn their heads away;

Something moved;

Something changed,

Something he never thought he would feel;

Left out,

Spaced out;

Their sympathies turned inside-out.
sloppy
woolgather Apr 2016
From the eyes of a nobody,
Wits of  a deranged,
I speak reality, though not clearly,
That one like you be saved.

If sympathy is what you seek,
Seek not to strain your soul;
Though you do not feel at world's peak,
I will do nothing but condole.

I have been where you are today,
And, frankly, have never left;
I had mistaken that the right thing was to lead astray,
Now I missed Love's theft.

A cluster of words,
Seems meaningless to some;
I do not aim to be absurd,
I just wish to conjure a soothing hum.

I have never known you,
Nor have seen you, even once;
I merely tell that , even you are not my ou,
You're not alone in these wretched runs.

In time you will ease,
Even the darkest of your fears.
And you will earn peace,
After the myriad of tears.

I am but a stranger,
Yet I feel the same as you,
We will battle the Alleger,
We will battle like we all do.

Dear Fallen One, I hope you can read this,
And get what I transpire;
Don't worry if they won't stop the hiss,
Because one day, they will tire.
We have all been there, and some are still there, Fallen One. I hope this can give you even a little shine of light.

Cheers from somewhere in the world.
woolgather Sep 2016
It's easy to  hide in the lines of sentences,

But the hardest part is lying about it.

The longer you keep it, the more painful it will feel.

You're just a click away,

Yet there's a distance between us;

The distance between our hearts.

The closer you are, the farther I feel.

They'll never know how it is.

You'll never know how I feel for you.

The heart screams the words the mouth can't utter.

I'd rather die than see you with another.

But even though I've accepted the fact that we is just I,

It's painful to let it go.

Now you're gone again.
Being happy.

I'm sorry if you read this and you're bothered.

It's long yesterday, a long-running joke, obviously numbing:

"I wish I had the courage to talk to you."
it's painful but it isn't obvious
woolgather Nov 2016
Slashing, dashing,
The blade through my arm.
Bleeding, bleeding,
I don't know why it works like a charm.

I wouldn't be surprised,
If they'd be  disgusted;
They'd want myself revised,
But I'm not just  maladjusted.

Wear that mask again,
That mask that hid your pain with fakes;
And try to clean the*  blood-red  stain;
And keep doing so until your sanity breaks.

I guess that words keep me intact,
Even just to reality, I hope.
Though, with my demons, I made a pact;
*It's no use; I can't seem to mope.
Blood spilled is blood spilled
woolgather Apr 2016
He was once a joyful kid,
He thought he had a picture-perfect family.
He loved everyone around him,
He had the joys of the world;
He was happy.

Yet the allegers came into the scene,
Brutally murdering his happiness,
He cried for days, of course,
But after a day he always shrugged it off,
He never knew what it meant.

Day by day, the sky grew darker,
His parents constantly shouted,
His afflictions constantly battered him,
The wolves wounded him deeper,
Yet he never, understood.

Until that day arrived,
Raging on, the darkness came,
Abusing him,
Pleads for help, rejected,
Ending the catastrophe unsolved.

He cried for justice,
He cried for his mother's tears to halt,
He cried for his father's tyranny to stop,
He cried for his innocence to return,
Nothing, nothing, nothing.

His innocence was too young to die,
Yet he never understood;
No one, understood,
He knew all, but was kept silent,
Again, no one understood.

Havoc kept tormenting him,
Scraping off the joy he's ought to see,
His everything changed,
No one understood,
His solitude, gone.

Years passed, love hit him,
But love too deranged for anyone to understand,
Cowardice enveloped him,
Hiding his afflictions
Towards his afflictor.

Confused, deranged, demented,
He struggles to write these flurries of words,
Stringing a pointless cause,
Echoing in his head,
The truth will never set me free.

He struggled in fifteen years,
And it never ended,
Seeking the truth he desires,
Losing who he was,
Losing who he should be.

He found his empire in words,
He found his art in poetry,
He found his solitude in himself,
But weak still is his heart,
Weak from years of hatred.

He wishes for all to end,
For his love to cry for him,
When he vanishes,
And thee, I feel my heart sinking;
He never bid farewell to Madness.
**** it. This is me.
woolgather Sep 2016
Is it that unacceptable for a beast to love,
A creature more majestic than it is?
A creature more accepted than it is?
A creature better than it is?

Is it that ironic that I still want you,
Even though it hurts so much;
So much to just think of you,
And everything good that'll never happen?

Is it that hurtful to love,
Love so much that you can't put anyone above them;
Love so much that you sleep to the thought of them,
Love so much that you can't?

Is it really that easy to let go,
When you hold on so many memories,
When you're inches away yet feel a thousand miles apart,
When you never found out how much you are to them?
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Oh, my bad.
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*You're too busy loving someone else.
Riddle me that
woolgather Jun 2017
I will hide my voice
At least until the sun ceases to rise,
I will hide my voice
At least until they leave;
I will my my truth
At least until they cease believing;
I'll just hide my voice 'til then
That the world's frail and already collapsing.

As I write a thousand words
A thousand wounds come with it;
As I spill a thousand tears
Burning hatred come dry it;
My demons would otherwise claim me
But I won't let them take my sanity;
They'd ooze out of me unexpectedly,
But all that's left would be my insanity.

Broken heart, broken memories;
Things I long for but cannot be given;
As I see you happy without me;
As I feel your blades thrash my very core;
I'll lay still.
Still as I hide my voice:
Frail and useless,
*Pleading—
6/16/17

I guess a useless journal

Now slightly rhythmical
woolgather Apr 2016
He was born of the grandiosity,
The pride of wolves,
The bravery of lions,
The wit of ravens;
He was born of a beast.

He had the might of the strongest,
He triumphed every strife.
He always had the victory,
Of the pleasures of life,
He was born of a beast, indeed;

Yet unlike the beasts akin;
He was not of ferocity,
A strange affliction, received;
Bravery of lions, he has, indeed,
Yet, he struggles with a foe.

The foe gave the toughest skirmish he had,
Sadly, he failed to vanquish it:
The sullen darkness, the specter,
The mist that did nothing but whisper;
Whisper tragedies over naught.

It filled him with guilt,
It filled him with fear;
It made the Beast weary,
To conceal the scars he sought in battle;
A battle far too explicit.

He, the beast, ventured endlessly,
Trying to hide his curse.
He tried to release himself from everyone;
His kinship, his gallantry,
His kin.

Then in his yonder, he met a wisp;
Lively, bright, pompous.
The wisp accompanied him in his bouts:
The bouts that hid his truths,
The bouts that pushed him away from his realities.

Alas, the Specter he encounters once more.
Again, it whispers his fears.
Amidst the pain he listens to, a faint voice enlightens him;
The wisp speaks his bravery;
The wisp speaks acceptance.

His eyes were unclouded,
It glowed like never before.
He had done something he thought he would've never done:
Vanquish the evil that haunts him;
Vanquish the Specter of Censures.

A day arose again.
He, the Beast awoke, listening to the hymn of the wisp;
It spoke that his battle was not of the specter's,
That his battle was within the Beast's self,
And with it, he slumbers, edified.

He awakens once again,
Realizing the truth that he is:
A flamboyant Faun,
Frolicking in the meadowy grasslands,
Basking the Sun's warmth.

Yet realizing this, he wears his mane once more,
As he is greeted again by his kin;
He fears not that hisself  be lost;
He fears that his all would be lost,
When they are darted by his Truth.

He, the Beast still walks upon his feet,
He still has the grandiosity of his birth,
Yet he forcefully clouds himself in lies,
To hide the reality he only can accept;
The Faun, hiding in the beast's mane.
I try to conceal a lifelong guilt, yet here I am, subtly shedding my worries.
woolgather Jun 2016
Stand.
Fight.
Fall.

Poor man,
Chained to his own memories.
Stand on your feet,
Only to tumble down violently,
Why do you keep torturing yourself?

Poor man,
Resolving a lost cause.
Tell you've found the missing piece,
Only to find it not to be the one.
Why do you run in circles?

Poor man,
Sulking in his misfortune.
Traversing a ruined world.
Walking in wounded feet.
Why do you persist?

Poor man,
Contemplating impossibility.
Blood dripping from his wounds;
Wounds to him, unbeknownst;
Why do you continue?
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I am never poor.
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Poor not am I.
Chained, but not imprisoned.
Tumble down, yes.
Only to stand taller than before.
I make myself stronger.

Poor not am I.
Resolving a lost cause I may be,
Igniting a spark of possibility.
Strive to find the missing piece.
I run in circles but not aimlessly.

Poor not am I.
Traversing ruins, I may do,
Wounded may be my feet;
I seek of the treasure incomparable to words;
I persist as I'd never give up.

Poor not am I.
My contemplation will be fulfilled.
My wounds will be tended;
I continue this fate I venture;
I am not at end, but at beginning.

Fall.
Stand.
Fight.
Nonsense
woolgather Sep 2015
You would say that I was your friend
And I would let it slip away;
But as of what you did, you tore me apart
And you put my trust in the fray.

Why wouldn't you tell me our problem?
Is it because it's hard to explain?
Do you really have to see me beteem;
To sit while I cower in pain?

I try to forgive what you did wrong
And forget all of your foul doings;
But once it subsides, it won't be for long
You'll harm in colossal helpings.

I would want to erase you from my reality
But here I am, trying to understand;
I find you sadly, I give you pity
I think you, from the norm, againstand.

You would say that I am your friend
And even though you bug me such;
But as of what you did, I just try to mend
And think it's just a little, even though it's too much.
I'm just very ******* ****** by somebody I shouldn't mention...
woolgather Apr 2016
He knows your joys,
He knows your sadness.
He knows your vulnerabilities,
He knows your helplessness.
He comes in close, he comes in quickly.
He, the Whisperer.

His face is covered in darkness,
Nothing to be seen but a sinister smile;
Dressed in your clothing,
Dressed in who you are.
You cannot outrun him, nor can you **** him.
He, the Whisperer.

He is a reflection in a broken mirror,
Twisted upon everything you are.
He slowly creeps, upon your ears,
Reciting your worst fears.
You cannot escape his trances,
He, the Whisperer.

He feeds upon your worsts,
He grows in your chaos.
He chuckles when you cry,
His laughter, growing louder, and louder.
You cannot make him cease,
He, the Whisperer.

He appears when you least expect him,
He vanishes when you stir insane;
Insane with anger,
Insane with sorrow.
He manipulates you endlessly,
He, the Whisperer.

He'll never go away.
He'll never be astray.
He'll be wherever you are.
He'll be the man behind the strings.
He'll make you bend to his will.
He, the Whisperer.
I guess, this is depression...
woolgather Oct 2017
It kills me;
A random thought,
Of madness,
Of sadness,
Of guilt.
Nothing more than a coward,
Afraid of facing demons;
Became one.
Indifferent towards himself,
Sympathetic towards others.

It kills me;
What hope I say,
Is hope I cannot hold on to.
I drag you down, unknowingly;
I tear you apart.
Just like what I do to them.
I'm sorry.

It kills me;
That we see each other without saying a word,
A broken record in repeat.
Getting close but I guess never close enough.
A movie nearing ******,
Yet never there.

It kills me;
How I can't say a word,
When it's all about to explode.

I'm sorry;
I doubt you would even feel the same;
If I told you,
Would you still see me the same?
It kills me.
I'm not okay. I doubt that I ever will be.
You saved me more than once
I doubt you'll ever feel that
This is for you
Even if you'll never figure it out.
woolgather May 2016
Time is a chain:
Adamant, yet manipulable,

Cruel, yet giving,
Too long, yet too short.

Time is a blank slate,
Yet, it is also filled.

Time gives freedom,
Yet time is restricting.

Time can be endless,
Time can be limited.

Time is a spectator,
Time is an audience.

Time is for you to spend,
Yet time will seek its due.

Time can be seen in different contexts,
Yet time is an unseen figure.

We own time,
Time owns the world.
I really need to organize my thoughts better next time
woolgather Nov 2016
Scream, then silence.
Move, then stop.
Think, then get lost;
Cut your soul in half.

Drowning in my own sorrow,
I find myself breathing;
Nonparallel to what I thought; *

Parallel to what I'm thinking.*

See not the light of the world;
For only then you will see how darkened it really is;
It's better to see in the darkness;
At least it's the reality that you'll witness.
Don't be
woolgather Nov 2016
With all the letters telling me:

You can move on and be better!;

I wonder if they're just there to remind me of being stuck.
Because it keeps oozing out
woolgather Apr 2017
I'd rather stay and watch the stars tonight,
But I'm too busy thinking of free time.
I'd rather dance with you to a million songs,
But I'm too busy thinking of thoughtlessness;
I'd rather love you to the ends of the earth and back,
And see you smile as the sun arises,
But I'm too broken thinking of putting the pieces together again,
*And I'm too imaginative to think of us and you.
****

Now I can't write even half-decent poetry

Though when did I even begin to write even half-decent poetry
woolgather May 2016
Close your eyes, my dear,
We shall lay upon clouds;
Close your eyes, my dear,
We shall hear the sounds;
Close your eyes, my dear,
We'll fall into evergreen;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Our thoughts will ean;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Let us venture as one;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Us will never be gone;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Let your dreams flow;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Wherever you want, we shall go;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Let us feel this bliss;
Close your eyes, my dear,
Feel there is nothing amiss.
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Open your eyes.
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See the treachery of Paradise.
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Open. Your. Eyes.
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See how the dream dies, as time flies.
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Close your eyes, my dear,
As I cower in my fear;
Closing my eyes, dear,
**Makes me remember that you'll never be here.
I'll still stay even if the torture gets worse.
woolgather Apr 2016
I write again;
Writing, my blues,
Writing, my bleeding heart;
Writing, my bleeding faith.

I once was like everyone else,
A believer, an optimist;
Then, it hit me, it consumed me:
The truths and the reality.

Now I rot, my mind staring, blank;
My visions, shrouded with darkness.
My everything, painted pitch-black,
My humaneness, destroyed.
A tragedy that did, or did not, happen.
woolgather Sep 2017
I wish I could've put
A capo on 4
So that we can sing the tune
That felt so real before;

Or maybe it should've been
The capo on 7;
The pitch when we fought
And decided to call it even.

An unlikely key,
A capo on 3,
Can't decide if I should be relieved
Or hurt when you left me.

I wish I should've gone
Like the capo on 1,
An unfulfilling venture;
A bitter Love's run.
I don't know where this came from
woolgather Nov 2017
You ask for help too much
No one believes you now
How it echoes in your head
How it makes its deafening sounds;

You try and talk too much,
No one listens to you now;
As opposed to words few and meaningful,
Sentences lengthy yet empty;

You cried too much,
Now you refuse to make tears;
Now it rots from the inside,
Bottled-up feelings;

You pester too much,
Now they're gone;
Maybe they've forgotten,
Maybe they thought you've won;

Little do they know,
Though change will come;
That it will grow stronger,
And worsen.

You ask too much,
Now none will give;
You ask too much,
Now they'll just leave;

You hurt too much,
Now no one will help you.
Not even to stand,
Not even to comfort you;

I want to cry,
I want to lie,
I want to be free;
**I want to die.
It hurts
No one listens
Because I have been here countless times
And I asked for help countless times too
woolgather Jun 2016
The wings of once majestic has been torn.
The dove falls to dormant hell.
Snow-white feathers are stained by blood.
The dove falls to dormant hell.
The voice of freedom, shattered.
The dove falls to dormant hell.
Savoring its last breaths, it closes its eyes.
The dove falls to dormant hell.

What once soared high,
Now is slumped to the ground.
What once was joyful, and warm,
Now is freezing.
What once saw colors of all,
Now sees black.
What once was a hopeful soul,
Now is wishing peace with death.

I have a party with my demons.
They all dance with me:
Dance with my sadness;
Dance with my madness.
What was not welcomed before,
Now is the one that welcomes.
What once was *******,
Turned to ******* even more.

Dark and cold, dark and cold,
Save me from my endless pit, please.
I beg of you to tend my wounds.
Believe this fool and be a fool yourself!
He leads you to a trap!
He wants you to rot with him!
He doesn't seek help;
He's looking for victims!

What am I supposed to do?
My demons come to settle scores;
Draining me as they go;
Hold my hand, please,
This is the truth.
Believe in my lies!
Rot with me!
Leave the Haven for naught!

The corpse was given wings again.
The dove is still in hell.
It was painted its snow-white feathers.
The dove is still in hell.
It was breathed life in its beaks.
The dove is still in hell.
It flies the skies once again;
**The dove never escapes hell.
Come and dance with me and my demons
woolgather Feb 2017
You were red,
I was blue.
You turn lilac whenever I'm near,
Then red violet when you talk to me.
I turn teal when you smile,
Then uncertain as indigo when you call my name.
Then yellow came around,
You turned orange.
I turned green.
Whenever you're with me I turn you brown.
Now I disgust you.
Now I ***** you.
I strip myself of the hues I've made.
Now I'm just black.
Devoid of anything, of anyone.
Of us, of you.
Combinations aren't even right
woolgather Nov 2016
Make a whole **** lot good, everybody'll praise;
Make one bad and all hell'll break loose.
Be what they want, everybody'll be dazzled;
Be who you are, and hell'll break loose.
(At least that's how it was for me.)

Cut; bleed; die.
Hurt; speak; silence.
Think; select; analyze.
Not all words you say are heard by them.
(At least that's how it is for me.)

It's funny how all these happen;
They all feel correlated;
As all look down on me
And feast on my insecurities and weaknesses.
(How quaint.)

Making words has never been so fulfilling;
As false accusations are made against those depressed;
You're just going another phase;
Well to that, I say:* How dumb of them!
*Not everything you say is right!
If it's a blur then it's working
woolgather Nov 2017
He had no one

He hated to ask for help

Yet it was the only thing he cried for

Help

"I need you"

But he can't tell

Because he can't afford to burden them

Help

The only word that went through his mind

Yet cannot spit from his mouth

Help

Everyone leaves

Because everyone thinks he's fine

He's not.

He needs help

He must live.

He deserves to live.

Yet he can't see it.

He just can't.

And it hurts him.

He knows yet he can't change anything.

It hurts him.

It pains him.

It torments him.

Help.

Help him.

Please.
woolgather Nov 2017
I wish I could undo
These feelings I have for you;
Hoping these butterflies in my stomach calm down
Because I know;
They're fluttering for a lost cause.

I wish I could unsend
Those awkward messages;
Those weak clauses I try and make
Just for you to keep talking;
Making your time a waste.

I wish I could erase
The memories of the little things we do;
That to me mean everything
And that to you, mean nothing at all;
An unfair compromise.

I wish these wishes
And keep on wishing
That this wishful thinking
Just cease on wishing;
That I go back to the reality and stop believing.

But I'll never forget.
How you saved this lost cause.
When you pretended that nothing was wrong;
How you said everything was okay;
How you said you want to help.

I'll never forget
How I said no to your offer
How you said I broke you
How I pushed you farther away;
Yet how desperate I was to welcome you back.

I'll never forget
The things we shared;
Those little things we said,
Those words you told me;
I hope you don't forget;
Even if I mean nothing special.
I should've never felt anything at all
woolgather Jul 2017
I think I pushed the wrong buttons;

Now we can't talk.

I think I tripped on the wire;

Now everything I say can't get to you;

It seems that I'm the only one who knows;

And I'm the only one who's hurting, too.

I guess I 'm much of a klutz, aren't I?

I guess if you knew,

You'd say it's pointless to overthink it all;

But I guess you'd never know.

And even if you did,

*It's pointless to overthink it all.
I'm sorry if I'm not that much of a conversationalist

All the more after all I've said

I'm really sorry
woolgather May 2016
Hush hush, my dear.
The ravens have flocked.
The wolves howled your agony.
Your grievance is comforted.
Agony is no more.
For now.

These words I have written,
Over my restless mind, in an incandescent midnight,
Mundane, it seemed:
Scribbling figures I have seen in my sleep,
Staying for days inside my head,
Staying forever inside my heart.

I saw Darkness embrace me,
Calming, yet haunting at the same time;
Not once have I ever seen him like that,
He didn't look like a terrifying past,
Nor did he look like a havoc in my future;
He looked like a frail lover.

I orchestrate these words in my wake,
My mind recites chastity:
Too severe to put in words;
None say the same,
Yet all are torture like one another*,
Yet all are true like one another.

None seem adamant to be my savior,
None seem illuminated to be an answer;
I rot in my head, I barely hold myself together,
I gushed all but blood;
I shouted all but words;
I held all but, hope.
I can't help myself anymore. I'm a victim, so it seems.
I want help but I don't know how.
woolgather Sep 2015
I cannot determine what I truly feel
What feels like a burn in my chest
Like a stake to the heart, difficult to heal
I will say, it has got me best.

I traverse my mind, dazed and confused
Of why I let you into my heart
I just succumbed to your silent tortures, plundered, abused
To your pleasures, I was badly hurt.

Do I really deserve this kind of pain?
I'm just a wandering soul, searching for love
Now the sun always hides, prevailing, the rain,
Like a caged, innocent dove.

Dramatic, yes, Idiotic, why not?
I just need to state my feelings.
I can't stand to wait, for my thoughts to rot
I only have losses, never winnings.
I just feel so ******* confused right now. I can't make up my feelings for someone.
woolgather May 2016
I ruptured my own body,
I twisted my own head;
I know not what I must do,
To erase these burdens of mortality.
None can see what I really feel;
None can see who I really am.

Standing upon quiet land,
Stepping on fields of flowers,
Wilting at every second.
He seemed like a familiar friend,
A person I've met before,
Yet scouring, I've no memory of him.

Yet I digress, I think there is:
I've met him at 8,
He wasn't seen by others.
He was the only one to embrace me,
When I felt like an abyss,
Whispering haunt into my ears.

He'd want to strike me down,
He'd want to see me drown,
He'd be the one to do it himself;
Yet I let him be,
A part of me,
For as long as I can remember.

I painted his eyes blue,
He painted my world pitch-black,
Even the sunshine grew dark;
I knew he'd do it,
I knew he'd destroy me,
I knew, but I let him.

I can't shout what I want to say,
I feel like a hollow shell;
I have nothing in me.
They say I'd become different,
They say they know me,
How, when I am not me?

I may have bled not blood,
I may have not wounded myself,
But the gut-wrenching pain is real;
I can't help myself,
I can't find myself,
I am not myself.
I can't take it anymore.
woolgather May 2016
To the people that made me who I was,
To  the people who loved me dearly,
Yet hurt me harder.
To the people who made me broken,
This is for you.

I know you are not aware of what I try to say,
I would know because, I'd never want you to.
But waking up 9 o'clock past breakfast,
Waking up to the sight of emptiness,
Made me feel about to burst.

I know you have inspired me to be better.
I know you have inspired me to skyrocket my way.
Yet I also know what you did;
I knew of your words,
I knew of your actions.

I first thought you saw me as a star;
Bright, and soaring,
Now, flashing back the things that happened before,
I felt you saw me as luggage:
Nothing but something to spend hundreds on.

I know I let you down,
But it isn't my fault my lungs can't breathe the same air,
I know I give you burden,
That I annoy you a hundredfold rather than make you feel loved,
Rather than make you feel proud of me.

I'm sorry I fell down on my absolute lows,
I'm sorry if I have always kept what truth I have,
I'm sorry I let the opportunities slip by my fingers,
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do.

I want to go back where my world wasn't shrouded,
I want to go back where I gave you smiles and not pain,
I want to find myself again,
But I just can't, you can't understand;
But I just can't, you can't understand.
It's so hard to feel what's right when the ones who keep holding you down are the ones who made you better before
woolgather Aug 2016
I knew who they were;
They were my friends, the people who saw me through.
They knew who I was;
I was the one who held a smile 24/7.





























































­
































































­










Now the air blew differently.


















































­
































































­























As if I never met them


























































­
































































­



















*As if I never knew me.
Who would've thought a ******* like me would have any?
woolgather May 2020
what transpires here
are things that have just arrived;
none of them kept baggage,
or maybe some.

might i be given
the benefit of the doubt?
why must i still hear
the very same demons?

saying too much
or too little;
or both,
different on each ear;

why must the dark
feel like soothe,
when those who i call home
fear it?

maybe time will yield,
and to good things, tell;
what there is to triumph,
what stars are there to align.
Hi, it's Nes.

It's been a while since I've actually written anything.

I'm finding it hard to say at the very least the right words.

If anyone can read me, tell me anything. So that I feel like there's anyone who listens.
woolgather Dec 2016
Begotten memories,
Adjacent to thine heart.
Begotten memories,
Ironically, have never been part.
Begotten memories,
A plethora of feelings.
Begotten memories,
Some here, some made, some gone.
Begotten conundrums come past us,
Conundrums we have not expected.
Stand your ground and don't lose it,
Stand your ground and face it.
It would be a stretch to let you understand,
It would be a stretch to call your attention.
If you'd have night - a killer star,
Then be your very own morning light.
The darkness will get washed away,
Even if the waves bring something with them.
Be the one to light up others.
When the tide of sadness comes,
Even when it proves hard to be,
Be the boat that never sinks.
If you'd give up, it's fine.
But even just for this time,
Hold on;
Hold on,
Hold on.

[As you lay in bed to see the killer star - your night;
know that as tomorrow comes you'll see the morning light.]
It may just be another ****** piece but I wish it'd help even just a tad.

I hope you could read this, Lexander  Jones.

Stay strong.
woolgather Nov 2016
Unhinge the skin,
Negate the senses;
Cut out that grin;
Open your ears to the voices;
Make your pain akin,
Flood your mind with hearsays;
Oscillating, your head'll spin,
Ringing sounds'll follow you in all places;
Trapped without reasoning; discipline;
Apprehended by the past's corpses;
Blazing are the chances that's bore thin;
Losing all comprehensible choices;
Ending fouler than sheepskin.

Immobile are they, but still widespread like disease;
Nothing but the demons that play deaf to your pleas.

Close the doors that were open;
Open the doors once closed.
Mend the pieces once broken;
Find yourself occupied, yet bored.
Overcome the path of the demon once risen;
Reveal what truth there is discord.
Taper the pain with pun.
Unfinished business not looking forward to finish
woolgather Sep 2016
Ball and chain,
We've spent so much together,
Ball and chain,
We are one after the other.
Ball and chain,
You're a friend than of a lover,
Ball and chain,
You're the friend, I am the lover.

I carry the weight upon my shoulders,
You drag me forward.
I've always felt down;
You'd toss me up.
I follow you wherever you are,
A bond keeps us together,
I don't even know if you would rather;
See us as a ball and chain together.

You drag me constantly,
Am I that much of a burden?
I know you want to release me,
But the lock is a mystery to open;
If you're pestered, then say it!
Why not just tell me to leave?
Why are you letting me ruin your life?
Why are you not giving me the truth?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh — that's what I never realized;*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You were chained to another.
.
.
.
.
.
All those heartaches were real, after all;
To love someone who loves someone else;
Now I know why you never said the truth;
Because you never cared anymore.
I was trapped in a dream,
A dream that is far to happen;
I chose to stay in a hallucination so tame,
It's not all your fault — I am partly to blame.

Ball and chain,
I know it's not real,*
Ball and chain,
But still it hurts to let it go,
Ball and chain,
How fast it goes by,
Ball and chain,
*It's time to say goodbye.
Nagmahal. Nasaktan. Nagpapakatanga pa rin.
woolgather Aug 2016
Sitting in front of a screen,
Empty rooms, empty voices
Writing again words like always
Hiding pain in the pixels.
My soul is with me,
Yet my soul is very distant;
Everyday faces, steady paces;
Inescapable vices, real faces
Yet, again, as empty as before.
The more I sink myself in,
The more I drown in my own sea.
I can't fathom being the backdrop to your main roles
So I try to pass the course to be just like you.
No matter how many scars I get from your stares,
No matter how many bruises I get from your words.
But it hurts!
I can't do it anymore!
But still what do I do everyday?
This!
The cuts grow deeper!
The bruises grow larger!
I should be used to it already,
But the more I stay the more I perish!
What choice do I have?
Being truthful would be a sin.
Call me an attention ***** all you like!
'Cause I wouldn't listen to your lies, anyway.
I want to smile real for once.
I want to see if there are some like me,
Even just one.
I want to shout at the top of my lungs,
Even if you cage my voice.
I really want to reach out and grab your hands,
*But, there's nothing to hold on in the first place.
I hold yet I don't
I can't do it
woolgather Jul 2017
Sing;

Your words that seem to flutter;

Sing;

Your tune that seem to falter.


Do you really deserve to feel that bad?

Do you really deserve to be that selfless?

You're too good.

I hear your song.

Faint but not silent.

Cathartic but calm.

You don't have to whisper everything.


Sing;

Your words that scream your truth;

Sing;

The tune that never falters.
Please
woolgather Jun 2016
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
In a sea of regrets and torture.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
The anchor's too heavy.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Hold my hand and lift me up.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Just save me from my seas.
Dispirited am I,
To be myself and embrace the world.
Cut the threads of reality from my veins,
I am not worthy of this.
I am empathetic yet heartless.
I am mad and saddened.
Feel my walls slowly crumble,
Feel the cold blood gush from my veins,
I am dead to myself.
I am dead to myself.
I am dead to myself.
Nothing contains the darkness anymore;
It reeks everywhere I am.
This madman's too crazy to say those four letters.
Hop, rabbit, for the clock ticks faster than ever before.
Endless worries will flood your head.
Loop in a spiral of insanity,
Play the broken tunes you hid for too long.
Toyed are you too much
That tears never fall from your eyes no more,
Yet you still feel the pain.
Turn back to reality,
See the crumbling of You.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning.
See my body float in your despair.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
See my frozen heart shatter.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Drain the murky waters.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
See me in moss and algae.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Hell never felt so cold.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Evergreen is the anchor that pins me to havoc.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
Let the ocean floor eat me alive.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning,
*Plague all with the decay of my soul.
hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help hell help  hell help hell help hell help hell help
woolgather Sep 2016
I'll say it time and time again,

I love you.
Iloveyo
Ilovey
Ilove
Ilov
Ilo
Il
­I;

Until I become alone and dead again.

I;
In
Ine
Inee
Ineed
Ineedy
In­eedyo
I need you.

Your presence gives me desperation.

I love you.
Iloveyo
Ilovey
Ilove
Ilov
Ilo
Il
­I;

Even though I know you don't think of me;
I know that "I love you" for you would be;

I;
Id
Ido
Idon
Idont
Idontn
Idontne
­Idontnee
Idontneed
Idontneedy
Idontneedyo
*I don't need you.
It comes back stronger than before
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