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Friend
Liv Dec 2013
Friend
I've had people in the past
who i could call my friends
and people who I truly thought would be there
but it's different with you
you know me just as I know myself
and I know you more than you think I do
I sit and watch as you feel the same feelings
think the same thoughts
and look at people the same way
that I know I do
and it scares me
because I would never wish upon anyone
what has been done to me
but I'll never leave you
like you're just so used to
and I hope you'll stay
and we can fight together
this incliment weather
Continue reading...
fuck
Liv Apr 2014
****
we're back on a nine to five
of forcing a smile
and choking back tears
to make it through without you
but i guess i always knew
that it'd break my heart
having to be with someone
that melts the same way i do
Continue reading...
good bye
Liv Apr 2014
good bye
this is for you and your broken heart
this is something to let you know that
you haven't done anything wrong
you're the strongest woman
i have ever seen
and it kills me knowing that
i've ruined the only thing you're living for
you've given me the world
you've given me life
you've given me all that i could want
and i gave nothing in return

this is for you
my best friend who can't sleep through the night
without wanting to sleep forever
you're a beautiful smile rolled up in a hurricane of tears
i'm sorry i'm breaking our promise
you're my best friend
and you've showed me that with a little love
life can last forever

this is for you
my best friend who wears bags under her eyes
and wants to follow in the footsteps
of a little green girl
who i'll be seeing soon
adding to your heart ache seems so evil
and it's ripping up my heart
this is for my best friend
who would die to save my life
and so i'd die to save hers

this is for you
my dear little brother
who kills my hope and doesn't care
except when i'm like this
then i suddenly become important
and i know you have your own demons
but you'd never know mine
so you run away from yours
every single time

and finally, this is for you
the boy i've fallen in love with
a boy who thinks he has nothing left
so he runs away until he can't run anymore
and looks for drugs around every corner
my beautiful boy friend
who gives me reasons to live
and sings me to sleep
so i can dream of a place where
he and i would wake up in the morning
and smile for the first time in years
a smile that doesn't hide cuts and tears
a smile that grows from ear to ear
at the thought that one day
we'll be free
goodbye. this is for you, i love you all.
Continue reading...
half past
Liv Sep 2014
half past
people and things are
sometimes
not what they seem

remember when you told me
you'd never fall apart?
now you're just a fish out of water
flopping around to the pretty sound
of no one there to save you

your word is your bond
our bond is blood
leaves on a tree
like birds of a feather
you promised me you'd be here forever

come crying back to your little girl
tell me everything you're sorry for
how you never meant to hurt me
you're a half-baked conundrum
and I am too
if this is all we have, then
I guess we're left to reconcile
and settle the waves
hello, father.
#sad #father #disappointment
Continue reading...
headaches
Liv Oct 2014
headaches
waves of pain
crash against my skull
with each collision shaking my insides
and every thundering bolt
pushing me closer and closer
to grabbing the forty-five
in a desperate attempt to stop
my head from shaking and screaming
to be set free
breathe in, breathe out
to a cold barrel against my temple
pull the trigger, count to three
we were "so nearly free."
you grab the camera, i'll grab the gun.
let's make a movie.
#suicide #pain #death #headache
Continue reading...
herb in wonderland
Liv Jun 2014
herb in wonderland
they caught me
lying in the corner cradling my body
crying for help and praying for a god that didn't exist
they caught me with my chest split open
a still picture of my beating heart
vulnerable and gasping for human touch
finding love in places it doesn't belong
to feed my constant loneliness
with constant attention and fake affection
they caught me
with makeup stains on the pillow
at 3 in the morning
with gritted teeth and puffy eyes
that lay empty on my face just begging for relief

they told me they could save me
and take away my fear
they told me that there's a place
where I could disappear
they brought me to a rabbit hole
hidden deep inside my mind
that led me to a wonderland that was only mine

*I could stay here forever.
Continue reading...
i can't hear you
Liv Nov 2014
i can't hear you
words
it was all words
because you repeat them
over and over and over again
but not to me

I hope you meant it to someone.
i'm sorry this is stupid and awful but im just a little frustrated but why should I even care ya know because I've got to get on with **** in my life. I don't want to juggle a broken heart again, I ******* drop it every time
#****
Continue reading...
I feel like a dust particle
Liv Sep 2013
I feel like a dust particle
I’m so insignificant
and i’m not new to this feeling

it doesn’t hurt anymore
i’ve grown
used to
fond
and understanding

of feeling like i am nothing
Continue reading...
i love you, endlessly
Liv Jan 2014
i love you, endlessly
The best days of my life
I recall being with you, thinking about you
breathing the air that you exhale.
I need to catch my breath when I remember
that beautiful ocean air
and clear blue water that separated us by inches
I'm lost in this confusion of how to let you go
because I wouldn't ever dream of it
I'm just a memory
but to me, we're A romeo and juliet love
where I can't live without you
so I'd rather die than breathe anyone else's
exhaled air.
Continue reading...
I'm breaking
Liv Jan 2013
I'm breaking
Cover me in colors
Light up my world
I'm not so strong anymore

Give me your love
I swear I won't let it fade
I don't feel so good anymore

I'm tied together with a kiss
But if you fade away
I won't be ok anymore

I'm sorry that I need you
I'm sorry that you don't care
I'm sorry that I'm coming undone

I can't help it anymore.
Continue reading...
i miss you
Liv May 2014
i miss you
i have a feeling
that miles and miles away
our hearts are stilling holding hands
and crying from the strain
but you're still holding me
and thats all that matters
Continue reading...
i passed you on the way to the bookstore
Liv Sep 2014
i passed you on the way to the bookstore
you are an ocean
i'm simply swimming
through waves of
"i miss you"
and
"where did you go?"
a heartbeat mutters
if it can't be heard
hopefully someone
is swimming, too
finding ways to drown
in your calming eyes

darling, i love to swim
but not if you drown me
it will always be you and me
#heartbreak #sad #you #miss #drown
Continue reading...
I will always love you
Liv Dec 2013
I will always love you
It wasn't just losing the love of my life
it's losing half of my heart
and it's losing my mind
it's losing my best friend
it's losing myself

Please be here when I wake up
because if you aren't
I'd really rather
not wake up at all.
Continue reading...
kyle
Liv Feb 2014
kyle
Kiss me to sleep
You'll be forever mine
Love is not a waste
E**ven if it doesn't shine
do not love and leave me, i refuse to fall
Continue reading...
lack of color
Liv Feb 2014
lack of color
i smile, sometimes
when I see that everyone I care about is black and white
not because we are sad
although we are
but because we all share
a love for the absence of color
because we see things differently
with a different light, a different vibrancy
my whole life I've searched for another
black and white personality
never thinking that i'd end up
with people quite like you
you know who you are
Continue reading...
late nights
Liv Feb 2014
late nights
there's an alarm going off
inside my head
telling me things
that makes me wish I were dead

it's harder tonight
than it was just before
to forget memories
I don't want to remember anymore

and my pillow
gets sorrowfully damp
with whispering tears
that are better off sealed
because i'm not sure
how much more my heart can hear
Continue reading...
learning how to fly
Liv Dec 2014
learning how to fly
you spent your whole life
wishing you were a butterfly
when you're simply a caterpillar
who has a lot of growing up to do
Continue reading...
little
Liv Apr 2015
little
getting on a scale
used to be like payday
but if I did good,
the numbers went down.
If I did bad,
well thats another story
something is missing
and it's not my symptoms
a sense of satisfaction,
ripped from my hands
slipping through my fingers
like fine grain sand.
I no longer look to scales
or numbers when judging
my self-worth
but something is still missing
and i'm starting to notice myself asking
"where did you go"
Continue reading...
little things
Liv Jan 2014
little things
looking back now
it's the little things that mattered
the simple memories
the game shows
the look in the morning
the way he played with my hair
the way he kissed the back of my neck
he gave me hope i never dreamed of
he made me breath air that i have not breathed before
i miss him so much.
Continue reading...
livid
Liv Apr 2014
livid
we're homicidal lovers
with freaky imaginations that tell us
when we're cold
we should cut open one another's skin
like a shell and wear it
draped over our shoulders like a coat
because we crave a warmth
that nothing can satisfy
other than each other's
blood-boiling flesh and my beating heart
that only beats for you
Continue reading...
may 17, 2016
Liv Oct 2016
may 17, 2016
here it goes again
another few months
of listening to these stupid ******* sad songs
that remind me of you screaming with me
and the lyrics are ******* killing me
im crying im crying im crying again
i've been here before because
whenever I lose you all that matters
is you
because i swear on everything
i will never love
i will NEVER love unless
i love you
this will always be true
Continue reading...
meghan
Liv Feb 2014
meghan
i miss this little girl
with colors in her heart
and fire in her veins
who sang songs about the sunshine
and soaked up all the rain
Continue reading...
mine
Liv Apr 2014
mine
i'm curled up in your blanket
i'll never leave this spot
and i'm still wearing your favorite sweater
i'll never take it off
until i can see you again
and kiss all of your wounds
and see your precious face
listen to your heart warming laugh
and cry in your arms until my tears run dry
one day you and i
can watch from the window
our coffee drips becoming raindrops
in a foggy city of your dreams
i love you and all of your ripped seams
i love you endlessly
Continue reading...
mourning birds
Liv May 2014
mourning birds
taking a vow of silence
walking through the trees
my footsteps move in rhythmic pattern
that follows the melody of the mourning birds
a sound that echoes through the trees
leading me to the bird
that mourns for its own death
in the background a sun sets
and the music stops

what a beautiful way to die
Continue reading...
moving on
Liv Feb 2014
moving on
you and i could run through a forest
scream at the mountains and breathe in serenity
we could hold the sun in our hearts
the stars in our mind and the moon in our soul
I know where your mind is wandering
i'm already there--
Hell's gates are open and heaven's already gone
i'm begging you, god forgive me
i'm not ready to move on
Continue reading...
my life without you
Liv May 2014
my life without you
he loved drugs so much             he              into
                                          that           turned        one.
my precious little pill
      filled with all these chemicals
    that swim in my mind
  and give me something to be happy about

...

                  but he's stuck in my bloodstream
                                                        and I can't get rid of him
         no matter how many times you tell me
                               he's just no good for me

i guess that makes me the addict then,
endlessly wanting more of his heavy breathing and fruitful mind

i'm hooked
and being away
from his comforting hold is bittersweet
oldish
Continue reading...
My Now
Liv May 2013
My Now
She was alive.
Heart racing, blood pumping, chest pounding
You would never know that she was
mind breaking, stomach turning, happiness fleeting.

She was hanging by a thread
expecting anyone to part it
She held on with all of her might
and pushed away those who made her feel vulnerable

But he stayed and he saw
that the cord she thought held her world together
actually prevented her from getting better.

She held onto burdens
like she held onto her thread
and she would swing
and it would suffice.

He sat and he watched as she cried
and screamed and shook
Because one day
the cord rapped tightly around her neck

"Independent and strong,"
she thought.

But she reluctantly called out for help
and he jumped.

The thread snapped and they both fell
together.
She let go
and so did her hurt.

She was alive.
Continue reading...
Neverland
Liv Oct 2013
Neverland
I've been trying to make it home
but I just can't seem to go
He keeps me here
and makes me fear
the thought that I will grow

The magic is enticing
my heart will never rest
Never will I grow up
this is innocence at best
But is this really innocent?
Am I only just a kid?
I'm hoping for a release from
the world in which I hid.

In this little paradise
away from aging and time
because growing up is not that easy
when the future doesn't shine

So I stay in Neverland  
where happy thoughts will spread
But isn't it a shame
that this all became
just a thought passing through my head
Continue reading...
~not a poem, just a thought~
Liv Jan 2014
~not a poem, just a thought~
Opening the locked door of your mind can be hard
some people use drugs
and those that do, either find the key
or have a terrible fate

I think all things are like that.
Keys are hidden all throughout our thought patterns
our lives, our homes, our hearts, and our souls
I don't believe that I lack the ability to find what's behind the door
and neither do you
but I believe there is a world of possibilities
and everything can be possible
if we open up our eyes and our minds
to find wonderland
to find neverland
narnia
heaven or hell
they all exist within our realm of possibilities
we just have to find the key.
I'd call it close your eyes, open your mind.
Continue reading...
notes
Liv May 2014
notes
my lungs feel as if there's never enough air

like my tears
                      are
                            g
                               r
                                 a
                                 d
                                u
                              a
                            l
                            l
                             y
                               filling out my chest
and suffocating my lungs
all because i'm too afraid to be without you
and i'm too afraid to try
Continue reading...
notice me
Liv Jun 2014
notice me
you are only a dream
resting on top of wonderland
dancing with the waves
and salty kisses floating
in a sea of people

make my body a piece of your art
so you can put me on display
as one of your prized pieces
write me a song that syncs with
my heartbeats and connects
me to yours

you wrap your fingers around my heart
and shake me until i'm awake
you are only a dream
Continue reading...
October
Liv Mar 2014
October
as long as you're by my side
there's nothing that I shouldn't hide

and while you rest in this life we've built
ridding yourself of yesterday's guilt

I wait until your storm is over
don't look away until your know her
and i know that you are a few months sober
but wake me up in mid-October
to the only time I feel alive
so you and i can just survive
Continue reading...
pens
Liv Dec 2014
pens
a walking poem,
that's what you are
complete with your eyes
that form sentences
beneath my skin
your words crawl through my spine
and lie on my wrist
i think you're forgetting
i'm good at this.
i can see your metaphors
when your bones stay still
and i can feel your similes,
as deep as the ocean
all i've got to do is swim
the water's never clear
and it's never very warm
but i'd swim across the sea
just so we could be free
if words are your vice
then write me an ending
our love was **always worth defending
my writing blows im really upset about this, but nevertheless, keep going.
Continue reading...
Ph.D.
Liv Mar 2013
Ph.D.
We're afraid of the water at first glance
It's deep and cold
We know we can drown
I've learned to wade
rather than jump

Slow and steady
has made all the difference.
Continue reading...
pick one
Liv Oct 2014
pick one
you're a liar
and i'm a malignant juror
how are you turning my shame
into a hungry beggar
nibbling at my heart
a decomposing mess of raindrops
in a sad, sad city i'll never forget

i refuse to let this bother me
#love #sad #pain #depressed #seattle
Continue reading...
playing dress-up
Liv Oct 2014
playing dress-up
you tell me to jump
and call me stupid for hitting the ground
you tell me to swim
then push my head under the water
because the bubbles hide the screams
you tell me to speak
while you choke me breathless
you call me crazy because words don't come out
and i'm ugly as my skin turns purple
you tell me i'm pathetic
for "forgetting" how to breathe
and you can call me crazy for pretending it's okay
that the blood running from my nose
is simply stage makeup
and you're merely acting
but there are no curtains
and there's no one watching
cut my throat, slam the door
cry a little, come back for more
i'm not dead yet, but i am weak
and i'm just watching my skin
slip off my fragile, achy bones
*i was never crazy
#sad #abuse #crazy #hopeless
Continue reading...
pop 'em
Liv Nov 2014
pop 'em
I get a kick out of the inhale
the exhale even more so
my pockets never overflow
i'm a victim of the system
if you say so
load me up with pills
until my pupils turn to dust
you can't see it, but I can feel it
as far as you're concerned,
a filthy lucre is all you need
to watch me fall into
an inhale and an exhale of a hollow life
where both sadness and happiness
come in the form of indifference
because if you're telling the truth,
the pills aren't doing their job
#lies #sad #pills #meds
Continue reading...
post-war
Liv Mar 2014
post-war
I'm sorry that I can't be your sunshine
because I'm basking in mine
I wish you could lay with me
so the heat can penetrate your heart
with warmth and sunlight
I want you to feel the life
that swims through my veins, now
so you can understand
that it does get better
and this lurid battle you fight
every day of your life
is ending before your very eyes
so that you can join me in the sunshine
to finally feel what you thought
couldn't possibly be real
I can't write lately and it's killing me, I have so much to say, but I can't seen to get the words to flow the right way to fully express all of my thoughts
but nonetheless, this is for you because you're too important to feel so low. I'm happy.
Continue reading...
prosper
Liv Oct 2013
prosper
we're selfish creatures
in a superhuman world
where we **** what we need
in order to succeed

we live by standards
that god cannot touch
where we fail to find
the secrets of our mind

there's so much we don't understand
so much we can't comprehend
but we will pretend
that life isn't a dead end

and we'll do whatever it takes
to get ahead of the game and realize
that mankind
is a world behind
and we're just so inclined
to staying utterly blind
Continue reading...
pseudo friend
Liv Mar 2015
pseudo friend
i crave something different
this time around
i'm not searching for answers
or creating the questions
my shell has eroded
plain to see
leaving a pale-skinned lamb
to bake in the sun
whether its 8 in the morning
or a quarter to 2
the mornings are vacant
without you
while i might be hiding
my craving for touch
at least i'm not hiding
a closeted lust for everyone
who shows you fabricated trust
Continue reading...
puddles
Liv Aug 2014
puddles
we are oceans apart
and i won't let you in
i'm gonna make you swim
i don't ******* know i just don't want it to be in my drafts anymore.
Continue reading...
pushing daisies
Liv Oct 2014
pushing daisies
what happens when it finally happens?
and days after
you're thinking "what could I have done?"
you could've come to me
asked me how I am
asked me how the rain falls
but I know you couldn't give a ****
so when the rain is falling
and you think of me
know that you've done nothing
and let that sink in
let the raindrops be a reminder
that i'm no longer real
just a dreary drop of water
falling from the sky
look up and watch the clouds roll on
and stop wondering why
just a thought. i'm not suicidal currently but this is reflective of a suicidal mind. what happens when i'm gone?
#suicide #sad #**** #forgotten
Continue reading...
rainbow in the clouds
Liv Dec 2014
rainbow in the clouds
how do you bury sunshine
and keep it in a crowded box
it's just a shell
but it's enough for the wind to blow
and the cold rain to fall
a reminder,
as if we needed one,
that even sunshine dies,
after all
#sad #death #one #year #meghan
Continue reading...
Red
Liv Feb 2014
Red
maybe it's the way you write
the curl of your smile
or the glimmer in your eyes
maybe you take me back
to times long forgotten
and words left unsaid
the words that I don't have to say
because they are running through your head
maybe you remind me
of the way I used to cry
and somehow you make understand
the reason i'm alive
you give me this feeling
of past understandings
and I presently accept
that maybe you carry
behind a heavy weighted mask
the color I've been looking for
pumping blood to one another
so I can fall asleep just right
in your arms tonight
a feeling
Continue reading...
Relapse
Liv Jun 2013
Relapse
Diamond beads roll off my skin
Sweaty hands and age old gin
Sunshine pupils in candy eyes,
Crying gumdrops and sugarcoated lies.
Raindrops on my fingertips
Poison blood on broken lips
Black and blue painted thick
Cheeks flushed red; a simple trick
**** yourself but stay alive
On your rotting soul they'll thrive.
The shadows of forgotten thoughts,
Who rap themselves around your heart
And suffocate the breath you wished was gone
Turned my sunshine into war

I don't feel better anymore.
Continue reading...
rotten
Liv Mar 2014
rotten
there was something so innocent
about sitting together
watching a cynical documentation
of brutality and homicide
and i couldn't bring myself
to watch an innocent man
get bludgeoned by a ***** driver
for fear i might imagine you
lying in his place
and it kills me knowing
that there's a clock ticking inside your head
secretly wishing that this was the end
you'd call it psychotic
we'd call it realistic
or maybe we can't comprehend
that this isn't quite innocence at all
Continue reading...
Sad World
Liv Jul 2013
Sad World
She was just a sad girl
who wanted to change the world.
She pulled from within
the courage and strength she was gifted
until her vitality ran dry
and she no longer felt strong.
She was told the mountains were too high
the jumps, too wide
the people, too numb
the world, too big.
The sad girl who could have changed the world,
let the world change her.
Continue reading...
safe
Liv Jan 2015
safe
I am hungry
and no longer safe
the feeling lingers
in the stomach
the habit is in the heart
wanting more than anything
just to be loved
the inhale and exhale
is never enough
i'm holding my breath
i'm simply selfishness
hollow-rib-cage-rattling
desire

i wonder if you're hungry
for what I crave
dangerous love that feels out of place
Continue reading...
sea water
Liv Aug 2014
sea water
Feel the heat
Feel the sunlight
on your bare back
breathe in the ocean
let it take you far away
immerse yourself in the waves
Feel them crash against your skin
Life's a salty concoction; drink up.
I wrote this tonight. I am in a good place.
Continue reading...
seriously sorry
Liv Nov 2014
seriously sorry
I know you half expect me to smile
when you tell me to
and you think that it doesn't burn
to rub away your beating breaths
when i'm constantly wrapped up
in off-white polyester
weathering alone between the sheets
you'll probably forget the shape of my mind
when you tried relentlessly to mold it into
something you could hold
i promise you're no monster
but you're not from this world
you're out of place,
this town always had a bitter taste
for you
Continue reading...
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