empty pages be empty minds
only the dead don't think

if I am unbecoming all the words you’ve never read
then I can take my time while I go walking through your head
you’ll never even see me and you’ll never even know
I’ll speak into your body, may it reap what it will sow

if I am unbecoming all the traits in me you knew
then I will be the mountain you will not know how to move
you’ll never even feel me and you’ll never even think
I’ll be with you forever, every single time you blink

but

if I am unbecoming all the words you’ve ever read
then I will pick my body up and bury it instead
you’ll find me in the in-betweens, in laughter and in sighs
I’ll be in every single breath, you never will know why

I'm not without the thought of you converging into me
'Cause everyone I've ever met is nothing close to we
So tell me where we're going next and I will pack my things
The south and north and east and west will teach us how to sing
I've noted only happy days that I've already spent
Beside the shadow of the sun in everywhere we went
And I cannot explain this to a single 'nother soul
you're part of what makes all of me, your being makes me whole
We'll stumble into other things and try to catch our breath
But in the end it's me and you until there's nothing left
And even then we'll see ourselves exactly as we should
And trust that all we've done to date is only for the good
I loved you then, I love you now and that will never change
your moon's become the only star that hasn't gone away
I'll live inside the galaxy that brings me to your bed
And recognize your presence as my senses are reset
I've held you one too many times and here we go again
I want to have you something bad don't let this be the end

if we bind our minds to violence, all the evil that can be
will infiltrate our bodies in a single breath with ease
if we bathe our Souls in terror, all our bones will see decay
and everything our eyes perceive will slowly rot away

if we rush into our anger, all our tongues will turn to ash
the sweetness of The Truth will taste like bitterness intact
if we supplement deficiencies with lies we tell ourselves
we’ll end up in the throes of what it’s like to be in Hell

if we follow our delusions, make them part of who we are
expel our own beliefs from every chamber of our hearts
we will walk away with nothing, even less than, to be sure
if we bind our minds to violence, we’ll be gone before we were

if you give me a place to, my body will glow
my fingers will gather The Truth in the snow
and The Water will melt over parts of my soul
and I’ll be renewed and completely made whole

if you give me a place to, my Spirit will sing
I’ll float through my bones and come out of my skin
and The Light will consume all the darkness around
and there will be Life in the form of a Sound

if you give me a place to, I’ll be who I am
I’ll break through the silence and tell you, “I can”
and The Words that I speak will sow Love into you
and I will be stronger and you will be too

It’s in the corners of our friendship where I feel most alive
where every single part of me can find no place to hide
and then every time I see you and you give me all your space
I find myself surrounded by a certain kind of Grace

it is with your hand in mine I walk a way I never could
and everything I do and say is just because I should
I have never known another who feels closer than my skin
who leads me out to waters and then teaches me to swim

that I have no closer friend than you has turned into a song
and in its very melody we’ve learned to sing along

I made you my confession room and opened up my mouth
Without a second thought began to pour my story out
And at the end of every day I could not understand
Why it was that I would feel the weightiest of hands
In slowly passing over me and resting on my head
I knew that they were learning me but why - could not have said
Amalgamated perfectly, my tendencies a prose
They're written down, immutable, the words that I once chose
Oh listener, what have you heard and what can you recite?
Tell the world what I told you, you do remember, right?

I knew the way I knew you and I liked to hear your thoughts
but now that someone else is you, the thinking needs to stop
you put your head on backwards, made your body fight your soul
you tried to hide the parts of you that I will always know

I know where you are going ‘cause I’ve been there and I learned
you have to manage all the pain where trauma is concerned
I’ll love you from a distance and I’ll stay until you burn
I’ll wait for you to heal and be right there when you return

We're not as much apart as we are broken to the core
The blood upon my hands is somehow covered up in yours
And if I turn to water you will never want to drink
Then let me be forsaken by the thoughts in which I sink
I told you all my secrets both in person and in soul
But I can't be responsible for where you long to go
It's only in the stillness that I conjure up the words  
To tell you that I loved you in a way I wasn't sure
I've asked the time to grant us more than we could ever bear
So I would have a chance to make it up to you, I swear
The past cannot be changed and so the future goes astray
but I don't want to tempt you to just walk the other way
For I can bathe in showers that are hotter than you make
But if you fall asleep then I'm the only one awake

Everybody's fading
Becoming someone else
Recklessly escaping
A lie within itself
Smoke is curling higher
Than they can ever go
Not that it would matter
They clearly never know
i remember walking
Before we couldn't see
Picking up the pieces
Dividing them in three
Never mind confusion
We are not the same
Death becomes illusion
When life is made a game
i cannot escape it
So what am i to do
i continue onward
In memory of you

I cant be bothered cant be moved
My head has swallowed many moons
And somewhere in the black of night
I cease to be, surrender sight
So this is what it means to lose
Your mind to everything you choose
And any steadiness you had
Is in a fist of ironclad
I want to see, I want to feel
But none of this is even *real

The smolder's flame it fills the room
And I am mixed inside the fume
Not white but gray I cannot see
The world around, in front of me
As I become unweighted scents
The gravity will recompense
All that's stored within the fix
And painted using candle wicks
Flicker bright then fade to dark
I'm waiting for the slightest spark
I'll ask the sun to give me heat
That my cold heart may start to beat
For when I wake from hazy sleep
The dried up ice will melt to seep
I long to walk as I once did
Through heavy smoke that keeps things hid
So pass away, oh dying times
My soul found rest outside your lines

You and I we are both good at what we do
But I'm on a whole different level than you
You're mapping out the mind, I'm blurring all the lines
Lacing every thought with a dose of cyanide 
I contain the colors that you cannot create
All because I've reached an uncharted mental state
And never will I tell you nor will I unveil
How it is and where I go, you'll have to find the trail
Speak away your conscience and bury it with deeds
Then imagine how to nourish what your body needs
Soon you will be restless, just as I once was
Or maybe I'm just saying this like everybody does
I can see you're doubtful, perhaps you want a clue
But time and space will prove again, eternity chose you

There're so many people who open your eyes
           and show you the craters they see in the skies
Perspectives are jaded when Truth's within reach
  and I have rejected most people who teach
I forfeit the frenzies they feed themselves to
I'd rather go hungry than eat out of you
And even if crazy is all I've become
     My sanity's measured by little to none
I drew my conclusions like everyone else
in anger and envy that put my in hell
The fire was pretty, the darkness the same
             but I want to hear what the light has to say
I cannot be honest if I cannot see
Surrender my soul to the Spirit in me

you don't need to be drinking to reveal a sober thought
the words are there inside you if you're not afraid to talk
We have too little time to be offended by ourselves
so throw away the bottle and forget there was a shelf
Let time be your instructor, it will whittle down with you
and show you something greater in a way you cannot do
I've read the twelve believers and considered all their words
they're either all too certain or completely all absurd
so let us make decisions with a judgement of our own
give wholly unto others we may never even know
The point is we've been fighting for a point we've tried to make
but loaded every message with a fountain of mistakes

But what is the answer when people have died
and why is the question still asked at this time
We've *learned to be human in so many ways
attacking the Spirit and numbering days
We've broken the sky yet we beg for the sun
it shines without choosing, on everyone
We're made of the same down to every cell
let's stop drawing lines to put others through hell
The skin on our bodies was beautifully made
akin to the soul we were given in faith
Remember beginnings as endings to come
although they come slowly but hasten for some
As people we're called to be servants of those
who enter our circle when nobody knows

I feel like I’m holding my organs
and all of them want to collapse
I need to get back to my Father
Who keeps me completely intact

I feel like I’m losing my brain cells
and all of them stopped making sense
I need to get back to my Father
Who paid all of my recompense

I feel like I need to get closer
and all that I am is without
I need to get back to my Father
Who cancels out all of my doubt

I don't want to ask the question anymore
It's not my place, I've let it go
And even though I've said too much already
I've found the strength to tell me no
It's not like I control a person's seasons
The winter comes and then it ends
But as the snow becomes the melted waters
In you forever I've a friend
It took this long for me to get here
A place I should have always been
I guess it's time to let you speak now
I guess it's time I let you in

there's nothing but the traces of your person
of hands and feet that barely made it through
and sitting in your solitary sameness
you can't be bothered any less to move

the circles in the sun become your fingers
but rays of light they cannot be contained
to see the sky and all of its arrangements
you mustn't ever fight the pouring rain

the wind is only present if you feel it
it changes every shallow thread of flesh
you know it isn't over for a reason
the purpose for your life has never left

if you can see my sleeplessness you likely feel it too
and maybe you believe it has become a part of you
One Hour til the road of dreams but you are wide awake
as Rest leaves from your body, comes a prisoner to take
what vicious disposition has the fiend of all you are
so outwardly pursuing every treasure in your scars
a second with the silence is the only thing you need
to know that in your mind you’re not as carnal as you seem
but eyes opposed and weary are reluctant so you cave
for there is nothing more than this, there’s nothing left to save
alone, aloof and dying to a world you tried to shed
where everything is dying and you’re stuck inside your head

Enough with all the anger, enough with all the skin
I'm tired of the people that I've been letting in
This nothingness is lonely and more than I can take
I want to be remembered as nobody's mistake
To sing at every silence and hum at every word
Put all of it in poems that everybody's heard
I'd like to sit in thicket and let it swallow roots
That flourish into gardens and harvest many fruits
Without the fear of waiting or wanting to escape
Release the sense of longing for somebody someday
The thought of it is simple and easy on the eyes
A mess of little secrets I've come to recognize

I don't know what the numbers mean, they float inside my head
I count them in between the ticks I try to put to bed
And if there's any logic left you will not find it here
Considering the apathy has made itself unclear

Or can you force the senses to appease another thought
To find a new beginning where you've tied a tighter knot
Suppose interdependency be vaguely unaware
Of any past security you swore was ever there

The case for explanations then, may need to be adjourned
In retrospect, the evidence has already been burned
So if you'd like to sup the ash, then turn it into bread
The stove is set, the fire hot, the recipe - regret

what is fairness in the eyes of those who never see
a life outside of here and there where everything just bleeds
it's in the roots and fills the veins with water lacking air
and breaths are shortened all the more until there's nothing there

if what we had was only this imagine what you'd do
so realize it's been this way for many people who
have told themselves the world exists to burn up what they have
the end is often yesterday tomorrow musn't last

your, “who I am,” is in your head
your day-to-day, your daily bread
your, “who I want and hope to be”
your, “here I am,” and, “this is me”

your, “who am I,” is in your blood
your cell-to-cell, your day en kah
your, “in my dreams I see what is”
your, “I believe in all of it”

you have a mind to know The Truth
and may it always humble you
you have a heart to feel again
and may it always give you strength

I see You in colors that do not exist
In gardens and rivers and Time as it is
I see You in Spirit, in thoughts we collide
You lead me to moments that keep me alive

I see You in ways that I never knew how
And You carry the weight of all that is now
I see you in corners, in clouds, in the rain
Reflecting the aura gone out of my pain

I see You aglow in the parts of myself
That I have neglected or thought were unwell
I see You because I know You see me too
And being beside You, I know, is The Truth

I rode the train to yesterday and saw what I would see
I wiped my eyes so many times, my tears came back to me
I watched myself befuddle every single thought I had
and woke up in a room where all the energy was sad

I caught the train again to seek its solace one last time
to fall apart completely in the gallows of my mind
I rectified conditions in the best way that I could
let alternating currents go directly where they should

and so

I’ll catch the train tomorrow, when my eyes are made anew
when everything inside of me is not so black and blue
my heart will have a beat and my whole soul will hear its sound
and it will be the music that I always carry now

If I could begin to define you
I’d start with a parallel life
I’d put all my bones in a basket
And watch how you mold them to size

If I could explain what you’re doing
I’d use only words that you spoke
I’d lay them all out into lessons
That you would believe were a joke

If I could impart conversation
I’d use only Words you don’t know
In hopes that inside of you, somewhere
Their Light would implore you to glow

to take a swim


but keeping time





has sunken in