It’s hard being patient with a book
While noticing your erratic movement
The way you skip
One feet at a time
On the nice warm mat
Swinging your arms while sending sparks
Like a fairy overdosed on pixie dust
Making auroras out of mundane space
‘Do, do, do, do de dum’
Singing isn't your thing but I
Couldn't get that off my head
And I also have to add
I noticed your pretty face
And cute round
***

the 23 of each month for the past year i've written to you.
expressed how much I miss you, each month I've survived without you.
Today, october 23 its been a single year since your blue eyes stared aimlessly into the distance.
Some people attempt to show me comfort saying things like "hes in a better place"
In all honestly, I would have cared for him the rest of my life
dealing with his sickness, if only he were here today.
Cancer killed the most important man in my life, single handedly tortured him until he couldn't walk
couldn't talk
the last communication we made was in the hospice bed.
Whispering "I love you, dad" our hands clasped together, you squeezed my hand unable to talk this was your "I love you, good bye"    
You waited until both your daughters weren't present in the room to let go. For 3 years we knew the day would come where we couldn't bring you home from a hospital bed. Coming home without you was something, strange. One year later, and this house is just as empty as the day we left that hospital room without you.

That quintessential flower
        resting between thy breast,
               crowned with thorns,
         silver, chalice cup of flames;
               the light within light,
         the spirit that remains;
              far from extinction
         the scarab of all ages
                    rises as the sun,
        and I the phoenix, just begun.

    These constellations, Orion's belt,
        and illuminated fractals in the sky;
       as iridescent clouds shift by
     The cold breeze, and that creaking tree,
         For I am the snow, and the stars; I am

  Everything that you are:

Those moments
They just hit you
Catch in your throat
Most often Sunday nights
But they can happen at any time
The most maudlin melancholy
Thoughts concentrated into
My chest
The sadness is uncontrollable
Everything is upsetting
I feel like a pressure release valve
For the world
Every emotion seems to have
a corresponding ****** fluid
The tears are welling up but have not
left my eyes
And just as soon as the feelings have washed
over me,
they are
gone.
The steam has dissipated
and I go about my evening

I.
with your love wrapped
around my throat I couldn't breathe,
you gave it to me without
knowing my faults underneath,
the guilt knocked
the chair out from under my feet,
because I couldn't trust
you and your moonlit teeth