Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Oculi Nov 2017
Age is just a number.
You don't have to say things to mean things.
There's no way to determine whether it's a lie.

These are all sentences used to cover up sins.
But they're all legitimate claims in some ways.
That's what I am, too.
Nothing but an enigma, isn't that true?
Oculi Nov 2017
Before I sleep (If I can sleep)
I wash my teeth, I shower, I weep
I am pathetic
Now that I'm awake (Not that I'm awake)
I wash my teeth, I shower, I bake
I am pathetic

But while I was asleep
I didn't always weep
When I dream of people I know, they hate me
But sometimes I see images of who I can be
I've been mafia, I've been a serial killer
I've been a terrorist or a simple dealer
I've made noise and I've made hurt
I'm always terrible, but no matter
When I dream like that, I hurt myself never
So that makes me wish I could sleep forever
Oculi Nov 2017
I know now, or in a sense...
I've always known, I've always known
That I don't care about real life
It's hard to care if you never were.
But if I'm not real...
Will people care for me?
Will death just accept me?
Or do I have to stay and tell my story?
Either way, I'm more than unreal, less than real.
And I'm more conscious than I've ever been...
In a sense, I'm alive.
Oculi Nov 2017
Johnny, Johnny
He wants money
Never cared much
Just art and such
He's dreaming a red star
Is Hopeful of his bar
And then he died
The whole world lied
Said he was a saint
But I know he ain't
Johnny, Johnny
Hurray, hurray
Oculi Nov 2017
"J"
Hey, friend.
It's been a minute since we could talk.
I thought I'd steal your life for a minute and we'd walk.
I need someone to listen and I'm selfish enough,
To just take it for myself and be incredibly rough.
Of course, I'm not serious, don't fret.
You're looking at me different from back then I bet.
I haven't changed at all, my emotions dime a dozen.
I still love you so much, but I know your heart doesn't.
I've been empty since I left you, but I won't ask you to come back.
I remember how we could have been and I wouldn't cut you no slack.
I wish I was still there, resting my head in your lap.
Getting kissed by you, using your legs to take my nap.
I wish I could take back the drying blood from my hands.
My own or his or hers or theirs, I don't know, my psyche bends.
Don't worry, I'm not taking my own blood from me.
That's what my friends are for, good people, they help, see?
We've been playing around, doing some... knife play.
It's been making me all better cutting all that way.
These days I'm cold, I'm sick, I'm hurt, I'm ravaged.
There's more holes in my soul than on my body, I am damaged.
I've been taken apart by my friends and family and myself.
My conscious frozen solid and placed right up on a shelf.
But you couldn't help me anymore, you have your things yourself.
Take my word of advice and please take care of your shelf.
I must leave for now, knife play waits, I'll never see you again.
I hope you see me as the hopeless kids we were right there and then.
Please never live without my smile in your heart.
Please forget my death and take me back to the start.
And with that, I take my leave, I love you.
I always have. I always will.
Remember my seed in you.
Remember my ruin in you.
Remember my blood.
Sincerely,
"J"
Oculi Nov 2017
Her name was Suha
I'm not like Suha
I wish I wasn't like her at all
Dear God, I hate myself, let me fall
Why has this world cursed me so, oh, let me die

Suha told me it was okay
She told me there is a way
Why do I not believe her at all
Why do I think she's so wrong, let me fall
I'm old enough to want to leave so just let me die

I hate my body
I hate my personality
Why do I have to be like her all in all
Why was I born to be Suha, let me fall
I'm breaking my wings and jumping, just let me die

I am nobody
And love doesn't want me
Why is this fretless guitar of mine my all
It can't play any notes, just let me fall
My music will sound off in your head, just let me die
Oculi Nov 2017
Feelings of inadequacy
Something not all of you can see
I've felt lonely all my life
One great, endless bitter strife
Until I met you

I never loved anything until I loved you
But you're so far from me, what do I do?
I can't feel anything but bitter cold
Is this the price of the happiness sold

From now on, I think of no one
But this beloved no one
You cannot see me anymore
No, I am nothing, no more

I've gone missing
No longer exist
One day, I hope
I'm someone you'd miss
But did you ever love me?
Next page