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Jay Oct 2013
You changed your
picture and it made me so
happy to see
even though I can see less of you now
and I miss that smile of yours
but my, does this photo accentuate those
beautiful eyes
The way the light
radiates from your face is
amazing
as it contrasts against the
dark frame of your hair
please, my darling,
won't you have some
cocoa with me?
It's rather chilly tonight.
Please, come a little closer
nuzzle yourself
into me
like you
used to.
Whisper secrets.
Make me laugh.
Make me blush.
Besides, I don't want you to be cold.
Jay Dec 2015
I feel helpless.
Like a very small fish
in a very small bowl.
But sometimes,
you make me feel
like an even smaller fish
in an infinitely vast ocean.

I am torn apart by the currents of your anger-
Tossed and shaken,
Until I am left confused and
Alone
in the depth of your problems,
which you choose not to share with me;
and watch in enjoyment
as I struggle to figure things out for myself.
But, at the end of the day, I know I will be captured yet again,
only to be placed back into my suffocating home-
where you tap on the glass,
until I turn
belly-up.
I think it's unfair that you choose when to be mad at me, without telling me why.
Jay Oct 2013
I hope I die
in the worst way possible
so I don't have to spend
everyday dying
thinking of you
Jay Mar 2014
If you want me, come and get me.
I'm all yours.
Jay Oct 2013
My dear,
I never meant to hurt you
never would I mean to
When I say I haven't felt in so
long
I'm talking of other things
Things that boil me up
and make me have to
let out my frustrations
and passions
You do nothing but
bring me up when I am down
because all I've got to do is think of you
and I'm alright
When I haven't felt
it's of other things to
make what I say interesting
I'm sure I said before
I feel I write best when I'm angry
or sad
but you've proved me wrong every time
so forgive me, my love
because as always
these words were meant
for
you.
Please don't forget that.
Jay Dec 2013
I can't believe
what I've done
and how much
I've hurt
and it makes me
tear up because
I never wanted you
to be in any sort of pain.
Remember when I said
I'm complex?
I had to let go
because you deserved
far more than
a man like me.
Don't hurt.
It makes me hurt.
All I can say is that I'm sorry
And feel pain just the same.
Jay Apr 2014
Don't ever let somebody
determine your self-esteem -
ever.
You are more precious than all the stardust in the universe.
So what if he doesn't like you?
Never destroy yourself because of a ****** boy.
So what if she doesn't understand how you felt?
Don't change who you are because of a selfish girl.

The one that you need to look towards for strength is yourself.
Your worth is not a variable and you should never allow it to be hoisted on the shoulders of others.
You've got everything you need. Accept yourself. You are beautiful.
Jay Dec 2013
And I swear to God
That the passion burned
more fierce than it has in a
long time as
her words scorched hot
across the night sky
and left burns upon
my tattered soul
only to leave scars that
I would not forget.

There was somebody out there.
Jay Mar 2016
Ash falls delicately across the landscape-
pure as snow.
As I wonder what it's like
to be held in secret.
Longing to be one of your secrets.
Jay Jul 2014
The space on my bed becomes more and more vast everyday
as every second grows into an eternity
in the absence of you.

All of the things you gave me to fill up the spaces
are now just a reminder of the emptiness
I'm trying to hide.
Jay May 2017
You move me like nobody else can,
or has,
still.

It's hard for me to tell,
because sometimes I think that I tend to
force circumstances to make things about me-
but I hope that those words were meant to be mine.
Can I tell you everything?
Or do you not want that?
Can I show you my heart one more time?
Can we get intimate with our words?
Lay letters like rose petals?
I need to know.
Were those words for me?
Or would it be easier,
if I held back
and watched you slip away
between the syllables
and dreams
you occupy
within my space?
Jay Mar 2016
I'd love to curl up with you tonight.
Feel you next to me.
Learn the pattern of your breaths.
I'd love to cuddle up in a blanket and watch
the sun dip lazily behind the mountains,
the golden rays reflecting your soul,
the breeze playing with your hair.
I want you to tell me the meaning behind each tattoo
and talk late into the night about life's important things.
I want to fall back, and look at the stars,
and as I look over at you, wonder how you're not up there with them.
Fingers interlocked,
souls dancing under receding moonlight.
Your presence, reflecting the world.
I'll have to dream of you instead,
Jay Nov 2013
I often find
myself just waiting
for your words.
Jay Jan 2015
The way the light hit her face from across the small amount of distance between us was almost heavenly.
Not because of the way the light reflected off of her, but because of what her face reflected-
absolute beauty.
It radiated off of her and made me wish that although we could see each others faces,
the distance between us was not divided by two screens.
It made me feel as though this room was a prison
and the picture that I saw was my window to daylight.
Her face makes me fall more in love with the world.
And every starry night I see,
every flower I smell,
and every summer breeze I feel
can never compare to her.
Jay Oct 2013
Never was it my intention
to make it sound
like you weren't
different.
Every word
has been meant for you
because there is no
possible way
these new words could be meant
for anybody else.
Jay Aug 2017
I want to tear through my own ribs and just ******* scream.
Jay Nov 2013
I wish I could speak
as if I was writing.
Why do I always
have to be so
awkward?
Jay Dec 2013
I never noticed
all of my friends leaving
until the door had already shut.

If misery loves company,
then why am I so alone?

I've always known
how lonely I feel,
but I've never known
how lonely I can be.
When her lips separate
from mine for the last time
and the last thing that we ever share
is an argument.
**** work.
Jay Oct 2013
All I have to do is think of her
and I'm healed instantly.
Jay Feb 2016
I love the way you stare at me blankly from behind your coffee.
You take slow, painstaking sips...
It suggests exciting ***.
I love the way you sensuously lick your lips,
every time you put the cup down.
I love the way you're not flirting with me.  
I love that you tell me your **** looks amazing in those leggings.

I know.  

I love the way you say my name-
distantly,
boringly,
disinterestedly.
Your mind a million miles away, on another man-
You tell me how nice his **** is.
I smirk and tell you I'm glad that we're friends.


You're a special kind of torture.
Jay Nov 2013
How we value
the legs
and the hands
and the lips
of human design.
How we love
the tight clothes
and the items
that are cut way too
short.
How we love the guilt
of watching something
attractive go by
as our eyes
navigate the curves
and patterns of
bipedal making.
How we want to be:
Horizontal.
Tangled.
Destroyed.
Fused.
One.
How we value
steel eyes
and button noses-
a sharp face.
How we try to
stay occupied with
hobbies and keeping up
with work but oh lord,
how we always go back
to chasing phantoms and
dreams;
burning secrets and harsh desires.
How we fantasize the form
in every art humans embrace
painting,
sculpting,
language.
How we let our minds
wander in the dark
along with our hands
and our hearts.
How we love to love
something o' so beautiful.
And how those mediums
enter our being
and make sweet, daring,
and perfect love
to our aging and aching souls;
because we love to love
something o' so beautiful.
How we love
the human nature,
the spirit,
that comes from another.
The one that makes us laugh
and cry and
lie restless at night-
filling us with questions
and animalistic returns.
How we value
ourselves.
Jay Jul 2018
I thought about
pulling my car into the garage
putting the dog outside
and breathing in the fumes
of our past
until there was nothing left
except my lungs constricting
around faulty ideals and notions
about us
and what love really means.
Jay Dec 2013
I guess asking for love
was too much to ask.
Jay Nov 2013
Hush, my love,
I'm here. Please,
don't worry.
I'm always with you
even when I'm far away
and in deep slumber.
Please inch closer.
I dare you.
I'm sure then
we'd both be blushing.
Please,
push into me
how I cry out for
your warmth and the
feeling
of your skin
brushing against mine.
I'll kiss you
and I'll hold you
and in the dark,
I will always make love to you.
Even if it's just with
one another's words.
So, Baby,
how about
tonight?

I will always tell you goodnight with a kiss.
Jay Oct 2018
Is it any wonder that black cats
perch on pale shingles
or that the moon returns each
evening against a stark navy sky

What’s it like to be the center of attention?

I exist only in shadows
and bloom viciously
against the wall at parties.
A secret garden.

Poisonous frogs
stick out like candy against
forests of green.
They dare to be noticed as
unapologetic warnings.

If only I could feel the spotlight
burn a hole through my lonely chest
just once. Like rays of sun
that exist just for my well being.

How does it feel to be someplace you don’t belong?

Cancer grows
multiplies
splits apart, doubled over
a thousand times
with little regard for it’s unwelcomed
stay.
Fearless.

I spiral down vacant bottles
only to shatter through the bottom of each one
in the hunt for genuine human connection.
An insecurity that is nothing but confident in itself.
I crave to be noticed.

Is it any wonder that black cats
perch on pale shingles?
Jay Nov 2013
Please.
Don't hold on anymore.
I've wasted enough of your time.
It's just
not
meant
to
be.
You deserve far better
than the likes of me.
All I could ever give you is my words.
And I still promise I meant every one that I ever said.
But the soul can't live on letters and syllables alone.
And actions
surely must
speak louder
than words.

Please find somebody who can make you happy.
Jay Nov 2013
It didn't rain
but I still thought
of you.
Jay Nov 2013
She loved the way he
smelled of
cigarettes and
broken dreams.
Jay Feb 2014
I find myself waiting
         for the   words     she
has
                        to say.
                           Because
I can't lie to myself-        
                                                 ­          I care.
And I still long
          to be      
                            warm.
I wrote this a long time ago..
I never posted it, but I find that tonight may be more appropriate for it anyhow.
It's freezing out.
Jay Oct 2013
Here I am, my darling,
a mile in the sky
waiting on these
Rocky Mountains
for the moon to rise
so I can
spend my time
thinking of nothing
but you.
Jay Nov 2013
I miss you.

I miss you so much tonight.

It hurts.

And I don't know why.

I just

always crave

your words.
Jay Aug 2017
Oh wow
You're like a summer breeze
         nonexistent
hot
dry
vivid
    I can't look at you
you burn brighter
I hide inside
to stay cool
cold
buried
Arizona sunrise
Alaskan sunset
Stars dance
painfully distant
too close
  Pools form in your eyes
galaxies
  
I swim in the empty spaces
Jay Oct 2013
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Ways
To
Tell
You
I
Love
You
Jay Oct 2013
I can feel you
lying near me
as you keep me warm
beneath the night sky.

And I no longer
find myself
looking at those stars
because they can't
compare to the beauty
that is now lying beside me.

I hope that this time
it's not a dream.
As I feel you breathing,
staring at me,
trying to figure out my
face,
while I cross my fingers that
it's enough to keep you around.


You sleep.


I try to figure out
what it is you're dreaming
as I trace your figure
in the dark,
night continues
and the frost sets in.

You start to shiver
and I do my best
to draw you closer
in an effort to keep you warm.

You smile
through your slumber
and I fall for
the little lines
it casts across your face.

I sleep.

When I wake up.
You've gone.
It was only a dream.
And I find myself wishing
you had the same one
underneath the same stars.

Either way,
I know that when you woke up,
you got out a bowl
and poured in some cereal
first.
Jay Feb 2016
I shouldn't be telling you
that I think you're beautiful,
or that I think of you more often than I would like to admit.
And I shouldn't tell you that I must have read every single line 500 times.
I shouldn't say that I think you're perfect,
or that you make my heart flutter.
I shouldn't let you know that I look forward to seeing your name in my inbox.
I shouldn't say that I have never seen anybody radiate grace quite the way you do.
I shouldn't tell you that I fell asleep last night,
thinking of you.
I shouldn't cross your boundaries.
Jay Oct 2013
This one's for the girl
with her hands over her
face
and might I say,
they are darling.
Especially because
they are the hands
that place such stunning
words that touch
my heart.
I can only imagine
the beauty
that hides behind
them.
Jay May 2017
I love the way that you can still always manage to write perfect circles
around me.

My words feel so small. Insignificant. When I want to write you back.
Falling short out of my lips. Hanging disappointingly in the air.

Maybe this time will be different. Maybe if I shout it
like I want to. Maybe if I make a declaration-
my words can stand next to yours.

I feel the same way.

I want your answers. I want your intimate details. I want to trace your skin over, and over. I want to feel the curve of your spine
and the curve of your lips
and your fingers as they curve around mine.

I want to savor the feeling
of words pressed against you. Hot, lost, unobtainable desire.
My greatest vice is not ink on paper.
It's the canvass of your soul and skin.

That's what I've always loved about you. Poetry in motion.
Definitely a unique love. It is not like loving a poet. It's loving: living,
breathing, words. It's knowing them by heart. The way you dance through vibrations cast in the air. The way I know that you are a poem all yourself. The closest thing to religion I've ever felt. Reading you- cover to cover. Discovering your words.

Maybe that's the most disappointing part. I'm lying.
I haven't read you cover to cover. I know I barely got past the introduction. There's something deeper within you that I crave to know.
Desperately.
Something that I'm afraid I'll never know. The best thing I've ever read. Left unfinished.

I guess I don't deserve to know something so wonderful. Maybe that's the limitations of an earthly body. Where I don't get to know you because I was lost- a victim of distance and a ***** to circumstance. Taken by life. Taken by being busy. Taken away without really understanding why.

I'd give anything to sit down intimately with you
and devote all of my time
savoring all of your words,
counting all your pages,
loving each one,
until I could close the spine,
only to turn you over,
and start all over again.
Even if those words weren't mine...
Jay May 2017
Every poet needs a muse.

I have never forgotten.
Have you? Even once?

As I let you slip through the cracks? I wouldn't blame you if you did.
But I know that you haven't.

It's funny. Talking about distance.
because in spite of it all,
nobody has touched me like you.

Do you still feel it sometimes? Do you still feel like visiting me in my dreams? Or when I'm on top of the mountains, sipping in the beauty of the world? The need to inspire? Inspiration itself.

I do. Constantly.
It's everything I've ever wanted. The loveliest thing I've ever known.

The way you manage to make words come alive. Like air. The way you could make them dance into my lungs and rush into my bloodstream
always leaves me craving more. Addicted.

I'm at the mercy of your language.
Your fingers.
Your smile.

Your words are eternal. Taken as scripture. I bow to them every day. Praise them. Share them. Let them complete me. Give me purpose.
Reflected in pale moonlight and written in the stars.

As I look up, into the infinity of darkness,
and see the words you left there,
I am left speechless.

I mean it too. That I fell. Hard. Impossibly.

We ended quickly. Abruptly. A car accident. An exchange of information. Words hurt, but wounds heal.

I know you've continued on. Effortlessly. Gracefully as you do.
But every single night, I still go to bed, with the desire of making love with our words. Tasting your syllables. Drinking them in. I long for a touch I haven't felt since you. In every conceivable way.

I shouldn't have left. I should have begged you to stay. I would have loved a little more time with you.

I'd wait forever for it.

Maybe you shouldn't, but muses don't work that way.
There's nothing more heartbreaking than a poet without a muse.
A sky without stars.
A page without words.

I'm selfish in wanting your presence.
Your poetry.
It's cruel of me to desire something so deeply.

But nothing could be better
than knowing that
there was a little infinity
where I captured your heart
felt your soul
connected with you
and became a muse
myself.

A dream come true.
We could have blossomed into something breathtaking.

Would it be terrible if I said I think of you always?
This is still for you.
Jay Nov 2013
Only a few know
of your grace and
your charm but
none know it in detail
you're a ghost
a mystery
because I'm a little selfish
and you're my secret
that I think about every time
I wake up and
every time I go to sleep.
Jay Dec 2013
C'mon, baby,
slide a little closer
and tell me
exactly what it is
that goes on behind those
eyes.
Jay Nov 2013
She can be difficult.
I can be difficult.
But  no amount of difficulty
can stop me from loving her.
Because her words
let me know
that I'm not alone.
When her arms are around me
and her legs are tangled with mine
I am warm
and in love.
Jay Oct 2013
She blushed
I blushed back.
And suddenly
I found myself
thinking about things
like if she was looking at
the same stars or if
she pours milk into the bowl
before adding cereal
or if it was
the other way around.
Then I smirked
at these thoughts
for feeling foolish.
But I fell asleep
smiling
because I found myself
Thinking about them again.
Jay Nov 2013
I won't let go.
I promise.
Please know nobody
has made me
change color
more than you.
It's cold
and I'm sleepy
please my darling,
we'll have cocoa later
just come back to bed
and dream a little more
with me.
Jay Oct 2013
Kiss me like
It will be the last time
you'll ever see me
and make sure
that even when our lips
part
I can still feel
your heart racing.

Press your body
against mine
and whisper
those deep secrets of yours
soft and slow
and maybe tonight
we'll be a bit warmer.
Jay Mar 2016
Aching for a cigarette and meaningful human contact.
Jay Mar 2016
Meaningless words
float like stale smoke
in the stagnant atmosphere
of the space between us.
Jay May 2017
You're right. It wasn't yours.
They're just words
written on an idle Tuesday
and I need you
to leave me
alone.
We can never speak.
My heart belongs
entirely
to someone else.
I'm completely serious.
Jay Apr 2014
I got out of the shower
and wrote you a love letter on the mirror,
"Meet me outside. I'll grab our favorite blanket, and that mint tea you love so much."
I just hope that it doesn't fade before you get the chance to read it.
Jay Feb 2016
Oh, hello lovely thing.
I want you to know that every time I close my eyes
I think of you
and I imagine your words are whispered to me
through each gentle breeze.
I can picture your gorgeous face,
and deep, sad eyes,
and I can see you're the most beautiful poem
ever written.
And every time I read your lines,
I linger on every word,
for I am truly overwhelmed by you.
There's never been a poem like you
and I suppose that's why
I cannot get you
off my mind.
I really admire the poetry that you are. The way you radiate it is beautiful.
Your hair, your eyes, a jawline to die for, soft curves, a perfect nose, are all written elegantly. The way you're so deep, wise, caring, sweet, and simply wonderful are some of the most fantastic lines I have ever read.
Jay Oct 2013
How complex
The heart can be
Taking a lifetime to cultivate
Only seconds to break
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