there was a time when i could wrap my arms
around your neck
and put all of my weight on you
i think to myself
as i hold you
and make sure you don’t fall

did i feel as light as you do now?

never once have i paid attention
to the way your eyelashes,
long and dainty,
brush your skin.
never once have i thought of how
that scar is oh so visible on your lip.
never once have i considered
the way your eyes pierce mine.

yet if i have not though of these,
how can i picture you so clearly?

how is it that you stand there
speaking and smiling?
every word is a dagger
in my heart.
you rip and tear the walls.
my heart constricts and i am not safe.
who are you to do this?
be silent;
though it pains me still.

you remind me of the leaves
and the way they crunch underfoot
and the way they smell
and the color.

the pure, bright color that overwhelms
everything around the source.

nothing can compare.

i wish to know
yet i cannot.
i wish to be,
yet i cannot.
such is my life,
my destiny.
i cannot be as close to you
as i wish.
there is a divide.
it will never be overcome.
i do not know if you care
but i do.
please help me.

i am consumed.
by water
and fire
and
you.

i have never had to share
not a room
not a bathroom
not clothes
i have never had to share
and now i cannot share my heart