Someone once explained to me how vulnerable they felt
looking at the night sky and
I've been spitting up galaxies since that night.
Sometimes I have dreams where I am
Tying knots in the fabric of the universe
And orchestrating meteor showers
But I've stared at this piece of paper
For so long
you'd think I'm trying to purge myself
of the memory of those words.
I feel like I've been hanging apologies
Like ornaments on a Christmas tree
Since you told me
I am the girl who is crying "fire" in the middle of an ocean but
The way I see it you're just trying to build a new house
On top of an old one that hasn't even finished burning down.

I'm sure I could write letters and novels on your appeal,
Your beauty and your charisma.
I'm sure I could cover pages upon pages about how you look across a room, and how catching my gaze sometimes makes me lose my train of thought.
It's like a train running off the tracks, steam and engine and rotations over how something so dangerous could be so thrilling.
I could trace you with chalk on the sidewalk and outline all the reasons why I think my outline could fit like a puzzle piece next to yours.
I know I could dive deep into your dammed heart, find the cracks and leaks and patch them up best I can.
I know I could write pages and tell you, yet nothing my lips could say could match the way they'd feel against yours,
And I'm sure that the only way I could keep quiet about you is if you're the one closing my lips against yours.

To walk away on Christmas.
I've never felt winter's breeze graze my cheek so sharply.
My heart grows cold as this prolonged night goes on.
I'm frozen.

Four years of my life,
Lost at sea.
Though my heart breaks into falling snowflakes
You had to be free of me.
There was no place left for me in your occupied heart.
This frostbite will sting, until I feel no more.

What warmth that was left in my core has been stolen by this cursed evening.
And as the tears fall from my face onto the desolate ground,
I stand there frozen.
Lost. At a loss.
I can't breathe.
Every breath is like a gasp for air.

The void in my heart fills with gaping streams of sorrow-filled, silent screams.
And all I can see is utter darkness.

I realized he wasn't looking for my heartbeat when he had his hand underneath my shirt.

I realized he wasn't trying to explore my soul when his lips were against my collarbone.

I realized he wasn't looking for love when he was looking into the void of my eyes.

I realized he wasn't going to stay when I woke up & there was no one beside me but my unbuttoned shirt.

I realized that you cannot find love in people who only make you feel loved temporarily.

I realized that sleep isn't going to fix all of my problems & alcohol won't mend my heart.

I realized that drinking coffee doesn't make me feel better.

I realized that **** happens & I have to move on because the world doesn't stop for anyone.

I realized that you don't deserve my love in any type of way.  

I realized that maybe you never loved me.. & that's okay,

because now I realized what I am worth & you deserve none of it.

Every smile has a secret,
Something deep and devastating.
But nobody can tell the difference.
Stare into my eyes and you will shatter under the pressure of what you see.
I hold a dark burden within my heart,carried by my very soul.
I can look into this mirror right infront of me and see nothingness.
I hate this reflection,i hate what is staring right back at me. I just want to shatter the mirror into pieces cause thats how i truly feel.
Broken deep inside,shattered.
Nobody can fix me, I cut them and make them bleed.
But whats the use right?
Why try to love a broken mirror?

There is an empty chair
that heads the Christmas table
that you my love would fill
if only you were able

But you're here within our hearts
Christmas and every day
We all love and miss you terribly
every hour you spend away

Come home safe to your family
your children and your wife
That once more we'll be together
once more you'll complete my life

So with a Christmas wish of peace
for you and those under your care
I raise my glass to you my love
and soldiers everywhere.

And yeah the *** might burn on it's way down
but it burns the voice I'm trying to drown.
It's Christmas Eve, pour me another drink,
quickly before my mind starts to think.
Maybe after one more round I won't feel the same,
maybe after the third I'll forget your name.

sit and listen to the quiet
it's outside the christmas norm
because now, when all is silent
it's the calm before the storm

the kids are upstairs sleeping
you're resting, sitting with a drink
in a few hours ...storms a brewing
it'll push you to the brink

the kids are up and yelling
paper wrapping all around
until the house is empty
no more rest today is found

the kids are outside playing
hockey games out on the drive
you just look around and wonder
if the day you will survive

next, arrive the in-laws
re-gifting what you gave last year
and good old uncle charlie
bee-lining for the beer

bad jokes and boring stories
arguements about the past
snide comments and back handers
how long will this all last

you sneak outside for a quick drink
grab a smoke on the back porch
if it wasn't your house they were in
the whole **** thing you'd torch

phony smiles and airy kisses
and the folks are on their way
the storm is almost over
for another Christmas Day

the kids are in and up in bed
there is silence once again
the calm once more before the storm
tomorrow, your folks come at ten!!!!

And I think the part that hurts the most is that even though I jumped through hoops for you,
Even though I emptied my wallet, and spent all the ink I owned writing pages of poetry for you, and through all the nights where we drove for hours into the silence, singing our broken hearts out, spilling our worries out of the windows of my car as we escaped into the unknown, and with all the nights we laid under the stars and just watched as they all burned out into the sunrise, and the nights we spent sleeping in the back of my car listening to your favorite bands play through the stereo of those perfect moments, and after everything I did to try and show you how much you meant to me, to show you how beautiful you are, it all meant nothing to you, and that’s what hurts the most. Knowing that the next guy that comes wandering, broken hearted and hopelessly, down your path, will hear the same story I did,
How no one cares for you and how you've never had anyone to call your own or anyone to hold close, and how everyone leaves, and how you'd give anything to find that guy, and he too will **** himself over you until you get bored of him and disappear once more. But that's how you are, smoke and mirrors, a cold heart and a shy smile, and knowing that no matter what stories you tell your next victims, I loved every last part of you.
That's what hurts the most.