Honestly In all honesty
I'm torn at the seams
I was told that you fight for what you believe
The way life has been fighting me
I don't know what it means
Lately I've been tired
Mentally uninspired
Physically undesired
See I hold value in the people I know and the memories acquired
But this new breed
Has my soul out of motion
See i believed in love
When it's always left me broken
And the way you smile is like that calm of the ocean
Even beneath the current shifts and it bolsters
With the problems of everyday
The trials you continually face
I could never understand your struggle
But I see it in a way
Because this heroes story doesn't end with a happy day
It's a infinite loop
Comprised of everyday
See my mind thinks it adores you in every way
But my heart know the truth that if I love you eventually you will not stay
So I fight myself
My reflection being rebellious
If I told my form of love was a simple way of helpless
To be helpless devoted
even though my own pain goes unnoticed
Let be the nutrient and. Decay that your beautiful  flower can grow in

I want to bleed ink
Stain this paper with beauty
Leak words endlessly that
Take your breath away
My heart could regurgitate
Anything painful
Anything wonderful
Anything there
And I could feel numb
Then free.

Some days I want to be a wild horse
or a gypsy wild and free
Don't put any fence around me
Who would want to tame this
Heart of wild
I just want to be somewhere
Anywhere just not confined

Other days I want to build a house
Build me a home
Build my life around my kids and spouse
Sometimes I can follow the direction of the reins
Even if they do feel like chains
I want to give my all
I am just so scared to answer the call

It seems I want to have my cake
and to eat it too
Its like I have double lives  ~ What am I to do
I want my freedom and I want his time
Cannot divulge all the darkness in my mind
There is beauty in imperfection
and order in the unruliness
I am a walking contradiction
Yes I'm somewhat of a mess
Words rhythm and movement are what I live for
and I can sometimes give up the control
I do what feels right to me
Cause there's a gypsy living in my soul

'Cause when I say, "Go to sleep,"
It means, "I love you."
Or when I tell you to eat,
That means, "Hey I care."
When you tell me that you love me,
and,
I call you an idiot,
That's me saying it back but with the equivalence of stupidity.
You are the reason I stay awake at night and dream with my eyes open,
You are the stars in my dark sea that I have been constantly trying to drown myself in,
You are,
For Gods sake's,
My Planet Earth because what else is going to supply me the oxygen I need when my brain says,
"Don't breathe."
You make me not want to die when all I could think of is dying cause you know,
Depression.
You are my alarm clock to when I sleep in,
My everyday phone call,
My back up plan when my back up plan needs a back up plan.
There are a billion of people out here that could have chosen me to deal with but you,
You at least tolerate me.
Thank you for the tolerance, at least.