i miss little things
things most people don't notice
the gasps for air between laughter
the way you tilted your head a little more to the left
the small grin painted on your face when you would succeed
things most people don't notice
i miss those things

I lay awake counting the days since we last spoke.
One Two Three, I miss when we sat together drinking tea.
Four Five Six, I still remember your favourite movie picks.
Seven Eight Nine, I wish you were still mine

I fumble my words like I'm trying to write with my left hand.
My pen running wild.

"Sticks and stones may break break my bones, but words can never hurt me!" Yet my bruises have faded and my bones are unbroken, but my mind repeats the things that you said. I may not look broken but nobody knows what goes through my head.

My body is numb and I am motionless.
I can hear people but can not see.
I could try and bring back consciousness and snap back to reality or, I could continue to drown in my thoughts until I reach my final destination.
Whether it's heaven or hell or in a box six feet in the ground it's a place of relief.
My body is getting heavy, my breath is quickly slipping away. I'm at the end of my journey, my final destination. I'm home.

Like a house of cards I pile one thing on top of another. To someone else, I am presentable and strong,realistically, I'm at my breaking point.

I told myself that once you left that I would forget about you. Physically you were gone but mentally you were always with me. The coldest part of the night I would feel you brush up against me, followed by a sudden disappointment when I was remind that you don't lie here anymore. At times your scent lingers on my clothes from the times we would relax together but the scent leaves quickly, sometimes faster than you.
The worst of all is when I hear you call my name out or say I love you because I'm reminded it was all just a big lie. I just want my mind to stop playing games on me.