i miss him so much.

his soul, his presence,
the way he smiles.

his hands, his eyes,
the way he holds me.

i look around and have seen this all before,
we tell ourselves we discovered something new,
but we have lived this all before.

i may have the world at my fingertips
but you hold me in the palm of your hand

we all have faith in stop signs,
with their red skin
glaring out of the monotony.

knowing,
hoping,
willing the car to stop
at the command of the silent
octagon.

i tilt the glass so
the water creeps to the edge
of the glass rim

today i spilled the clorox
all over the linoleum tiles
and
i don't know why it matters
so much suddenly

that i'm alone
even just for a moment,
but even then i feel
alone for eternity

and the songs sound sadder
when you're sadder

but how can i be sadder when
there is nothing to be sad about,
at least not in my world?

mom says to stop letting myself
feel the pain of the world around me
because if i let it
seep into my mind,
into my being,
into my everything,
i will be too leaden to stand