I know you won’t read this
and I know you won’t care
but I will tell you what it was like.

It was blurry.
it was slow
but time was running fast.
It was dusty feet
and dusty souls.
It was feeling nothing
and then all at once.
It was hating you
to drown the urge of hugging you.
It was writing a poem
and post it
wishing you will relate to it.

But who cares,
you don’t.

You’re bad for my mental health.
And that’s all I can say.

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Time goes by
And I miss you

Just like me
The flowers grew
But soon they wilted
Just like you

You were sweet
This I knew
Like an addiction
I loved you

Now the roses are dead
The violets are too
The garden's all gone
And so are you

Your flowers died
I did too
Because all along
I was you

Social media this
Social media that
He said
She said
Did you read that last post?
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I wonder what my ex is up to ?
Or better yet,
What are your kids up to?
At home

I feel alive
I feel grounded
I feel excited
I feel hopeful

I am exploring
I am opening
I am allowing
I am manifesting

I give myself permission
To fully trust myself

Permission
Granted

I keep dropping everything for you,
but you won't help me pick anything up.
Instead, you drag me away from my pile of things,
so we can pick up yours, and go back to that place.
That place isn't my favorite, in fact it's the worst.
I can't speak, or sleep, or even eat.
I'm suffocating in this casket you keep me in,
while all my things grow mold and become so overwhelming.
So overwhelming, which means it's hard to face them.
And so my pile of things keeps growing,
and I keep helping you clean and organize-
in the hopes that you'll help me clean up just a little bit of my own.

going home isn’t always
returning to a place.
sometimes
it is returning to yourself.

You messaged me today
I listened to what you had to say
My heart didn't hurt
You didn't try to flirt
You apologized to me
And said you'd like to see...
You'd like to see me and catch up
I said okay
I could talk to you today
Is this healing
Because I have no feeling
I have no feelings left for you