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Lemon Sep 2020
You're a monster

Grotesque and ravenous
clawing your way through my guts and into my stomach
ripping up my throat and out my mouth as gritted teeth and pointed curses

You're disgusting

Plaguing my flesh like a disease
rotting my skin slowly
decaying inside me before leaking out my eyes

Why are you even here?

To add insult to injury?

I've met you once before
two years ago oh so sweetly you came to me bearing fruits of lace and jewel
creeping up on me as death does to the meek

You're a sickness

Painful and dreary
get away from me and stay away I beg
but somehow you always come back like a hungry dog
again to shred away at my well being

Why are you here?

Back again so soon, Jealousy?
Uhg
Lemon Aug 2020
when you're gone it'll be easier for me

easier for me to cry at night, undisturbed and unheard

it'll be easier for me to pull at my scalp and gnaw at my fingers

when you're gone it'll be easier for me to fall into old habits

the habits that no one else cared to look for

habits that left holes in my legs and rips on my arms

when you're gone it'll be easier for me to tear myself apart

piece by piece

tear by tear

silently, once again, I'll scratch at my feet and stomp on my heart

when you're gone I'll be fine

I was always fine

just fine
my sister is moving away for her job :/
Lemon Aug 2020
if I can not comfort you
then let me cry with you

if I can not be your gravity
then let me float with you

if I can not hold you
then let me love you

if I can not help you
then please I ask
let me suffer with you
Lemon Aug 2020
you're beautiful

you're full of dull voices and screams and pure gorgeous distorted noise
and it's beautiful

you're beautiful

you give me tiny smiles and silly jokes and you sing out your heart just for me
and you're beautiful
I dont remember who this is about but it was in my drafts so I thought I might as well post it
Lemon Aug 2020
you are a blessing

your smile grants me happiness
your voice lulls me to sleep
your jokes make me laugh

if I was surviving before
now i am living

however

you will be a curse

the empty space you'll leave
the smiles I will no longer get
the voice I'll get to hear but only through a prerecorded interview
the jokes you'll make for everyone but me

if I was living when I had you
I'll die when you leave
I wrote this a few months ago. It's about someone I thought I was good friends with. He gave me so much happiness and we would text all day long. But I knew the happiness wouldn't last and I was right because I think he forgot I exist
Lemon Aug 2020
what is there for me to do but create

what do I have but the words in my mind and the color in my limbs

a pressure builds behind my eyes and down my throat

screams and cries of lyrics and rhythm pollute the air
pastels and stomach acid splatter onto a canvas

I cry and cry because what is there for me to do but create
I wrote this awhile ago when all I would do was write and draw and sing and create, but these days I find myself empty. If all I used to do was create, then now I have nothing to do. I am nothing
Lemon Aug 2020
I see so often
others happy alongside their love
saying love saved them

I hear so often
others asking me who I'm into
if I have a crush or want a lover

I used to be okay alone
I needed to love myself before I could love another
I wasnt searching for happiness in love

But these days I feel

                      l o n e l y

I dont need someone else to love me
I don't want someone else to hold me
I'm fine by myself

What I want is to love someone else
These days i find myself not caring about anyone
I want to feel affection towards the world around me

I want my heart to jump out of my chest and latch onto the next person I see

I want

I want

Maybe I want to drown in petals

Just like back in 9th grade
The last time I remember loving someone else
To no prevail I fell in love

I beat myself
Burned myself and scratched myself
Ripped myself apart for her

And I want it back

To suffocate helplessly in the delicate blooms of unrequited affection
To fall asleep covered in a sick mixture of ****** tears
To destroy myself for the sake of someone else

Oh to be in love
I've noticed that I've never missed someone before. Never missed my dead great grandparents or my sister when she left for college. I've never missed anyone.

And it's been 3 years since my last crush. I was in love with my best friend. My straight best friend. And I tire myself up cause *being gay is disgusting* and I couldnt handle myself.

But I havent been sad either. I'm never happy never sad. I dont cry dont smile dont get mad, nothing.

I'm starting to feel like a robot
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