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Lemon Apr 2022
When I have no mirror
And my thoughts run free
I am suddenly a monster
and no longer me

When I'm surrounded by a crowd
My bones splinter out
My elbows bend backwards
And my voice is a shout

Though I know it's not true
I know I'm no beast
Voices race through my head
And greedily they feast

I'll bend over forwards
To cave into my chest
To make myself smaller
So maybe they'll rest

And when I'm finally home
No that cant be
In the mirror I look
Unable to see

Who is that kid
Whose eyes I see
How pretty he is
But that's not me
Basically my body dysmorphia is really bad and even though I know realistically what I look like, my brain still tells me that my elbows are too knobby and my arms are too skinny. When I sit at my desk I feel like my knees stick out funny and my back arches too much. Funnily enough, because I always think I'm slouching even when I'm not, I subconsciously always straighten my back so my posture is really good
Lemon Jan 2022
I'm tired of being someone.
Instead, I want to be something.

I want to be the creak in your floorboards at night; the time it takes for you to convince yourself it's just the house settling. Nothing is wrong.

I want to be the dogs barking in the lot across the street. What are they barking at? I cant see anything.

I want to be the howls outside your window, knocking to come inside. It's just the wind, just a tree branch, no one is awake this time of night.

Did you remember to lock the door?
I'm alive and really want to quit my job
Lemon Sep 2020
You're a monster

Grotesque and ravenous
clawing your way through my guts and into my stomach
ripping up my throat and out my mouth as gritted teeth and pointed curses

You're disgusting

Plaguing my flesh like a disease
rotting my skin slowly
decaying inside me before leaking out my eyes

Why are you even here?

To add insult to injury?

I've met you once before
two years ago oh so sweetly you came to me bearing fruits of lace and jewel
creeping up on me as death does to the meek

You're a sickness

Painful and dreary
get away from me and stay away I beg
but somehow you always come back like a hungry dog
again to shred away at my well being

Why are you here?

Back again so soon, Jealousy?
Lemon Aug 2020
when you're gone it'll be easier for me

easier for me to cry at night, undisturbed and unheard

it'll be easier for me to pull at my scalp and gnaw at my fingers

when you're gone it'll be easier for me to fall into old habits

the habits that no one else cared to look for

habits that left holes in my legs and rips on my arms

when you're gone it'll be easier for me to tear myself apart

piece by piece

tear by tear

silently, once again, I'll scratch at my feet and stomp on my heart

when you're gone I'll be fine

I was always fine

just fine
my sister is moving away for her job :/
Lemon Aug 2020
if I can not comfort you
then let me cry with you

if I can not be your gravity
then let me float with you

if I can not hold you
then let me love you

if I can not help you
then please I ask
let me suffer with you
Lemon Aug 2020
you're beautiful

you're full of dull voices and screams and pure gorgeous distorted noise
and it's beautiful

you're beautiful

you give me tiny smiles and silly jokes and you sing out your heart just for me
and you're beautiful
I dont remember who this is about but it was in my drafts so I thought I might as well post it
Lemon Aug 2020
you are a blessing

your smile grants me happiness
your voice lulls me to sleep
your jokes make me laugh

if I was surviving before
now i am living


you will be a curse

the empty space you'll leave
the smiles I will no longer get
the voice I'll get to hear but only through a prerecorded interview
the jokes you'll make for everyone but me

if I was living when I had you
I'll die when you leave
I wrote this a few months ago. It's about someone I thought I was good friends with. He gave me so much happiness and we would text all day long. But I knew the happiness wouldn't last and I was right because I think he forgot I exist
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