Have you ever felt empty?
Like you should be feeling but there is nothing.

Have you ever felt invisible?
Like you should be seen but you are not.

Have you ever felt abandoned?
Like you never really meant anything to them.

Have you ever wanted to disappear?
Like you, I also do.

She does not know who she is
Only who they are

She does not understand her own weaknesses
Yet knows theirs as if they were scrawled on her palm

The deepest of empathy felt for others
When asked how she felt, her response is invisible

How could a soul so caring become so lost?
She thought this was her journey all along

"They don't know any better" - that's what she will say
As her heart is crushed deep into the dirt again and again

She knows she's at risk of the clutches of addiction
She thought she was safe due to the lack of substance within

The addiction she has however is worse than any drug
And the lack of substance relates to a lack of oneself

She spends her whole life ensuring they are happy, safe and content
Yet she has no grasp on the needs of her own life, let alone wants

It is difficult to see what's infront of you for looking
For now all she can do is try her best at turning a blind eye to their lives

Life issues come in all shapes and sizes
But please remember that to fix other people, compassion is necessary

For yourself, then others.

i do my thing
and you do your thing

i am not in this world to live up to your expectations
and you are not in this world to live up to mine

you are you
and i am i

and if by chance we find each other

it's beautiful

I sit in the chair, gazing.
Was it stars? Was it the moon?
What was the sight that took my being away from the present?
It was not a vision, rather a feeling.
To escape
Escape can be easy but is not always the safest path.
A fork in the journey requires a decision.
One way is full of kindness,
The other of pain
What would you decide?
The kindness brings numbness with it
While the pain brings fear
Fear which is beyond your comprehension.
Fear which creates the pain
Pain so intense it is felt in every inch of the physical body.
So you choose kindness?
The kind type of numbness that is as beautiful as a drug
Yet as ugly as the comedown
Take a step back and watch it play out
No pain, no fear
However the emptiness is haunting
The sound distorted and lingering
The prompts to face the pain and fear become louder
Stronger
More persistent
Snap
The focus shifts back to reality
No more fading
Just now a reality which has a little more emptiness ingrained within it

They say life is a highway, I say it’s a battle.
I love to drive yet not one ounce of my being wishes to drive upon this highway any longer.
Battles tend to be fought with an army, yet here I stand alone.
Why do they force their essence into my being.
Why do they require physicality from me.
This is not something I wish to give.
Leave me be, and my body too.
The last thing I want is to smell your scent in through my skin.
I do not wish to taste the bitterness of your personality that you feel so kindly to force me to do.
If you want me to drive, let me drive.
But I refuse to drive anywhere near the highway which you built.
That highway is not made for my kind.
That highway is what turns beautiful souls into broken ones.
The filth in my bones is seeping out, overflowing into the street.
I try to wash this filth away.
Eye’s closed.
I do not wish to see this filth.
Just let it be gone already.
I am sick of fighting this battle.
I have had enough of fighting.
You have succeeding in consuming my entire being with the filth you forced upon me.
Buried deep.
So deep.
I never knew the deepness of myself, let alone the depths of my despair.
I never chose this.
Why should I have to live this.
Why should I have to keep my head up and carry on.
How does your head hang?
Between the ties of a noose?
It should.
Worthless.
Powerless.
Disgusting.
Damaged.
Numb.
That is what I feel.
Yet in reality it is what you are.
I know you don’t have power over me.
All this time I have been fighting.
This battle does not deserve to be fought.
You cannot hurt me.
I refuse to let the gravel of your highway slow me down or make me crash.
I will not crash.
Not for you, not for anyone.
It is my time to grasp the wheel.
I control my own vehicle, not you.
I will not allow you to climb into the driver’s seat.
You will not place your hands on, or anywhere near, my steering wheel.
The vehicle may seem broken, but it is not.
It just needed some TLC.
Push me again, I dare you.
Watch yourself be ran the **** over.
I will not wait.
I will not spare you.