I am a mystery to myself
I don't know myself at all
One moment I am me
The next moment I am someone else

I wish I could get a grasp on life
Climb out of this imprisoned mind
To see the world as others see it
Not through the pain in here I find

Being a mystery to yourself
Isn't as wonderful as it may seem
You may have some wonderful fantasies
But you can never live out your dreams

With arms flailing
With heart dying
I fell into the abyss

No light there
Only doom and gloom
Spirit crying

Spiraling, spiraling
Out of control
Soul dead within my chest

No one could save me
Except God, who was silent
Medications are no good

So, I fell, ever falling
To depths only I can fathom
Into the abyss

I Am Not Afraid  
Many years I have fought the fight
Crying silent tears into my pillow at night

But a miracle has come to pass
I have begun to reap healing at last

It has been a long hard road with many pitfalls
I wasn’t sure I would survive at all

But I am a strong woman, full of power
I grow have grown in my lust for love of life by the hour

Has it been painless, an easy process I went through?
No, it’s hurt like hell, but what else could I do!

It was stand up and fight the feelings I held down
Or allow the pain to win, and in the sorrow drown

I hope to this world to leave a legacy of hope
To use the pain of my history of life as a scope

That people can look through, and grow
The freedom I have found, I wish them to know

I will proclaim my gratitude for those who have seen me through hell
I have watched, listened and learned life’s lessons well        

I am marching into my future, boldly joining life’s parade
Facing all the uncertainties of my future, and I am not afraid.

Walking backward isn't easy
Something I used to try
If I did it would upset me
Actually, I would begin to cry

There is only walking forward
On into the future
New friends to make
New experiences to nurture

So, if you find life is hard
If you find it's awkward
Perhaps you may discover
That you are walking backward

Time is fluid
There is no doubt
It ebbs and flows
I’ve been inside out

Time is fluid
It passes on its own
It has left me breathless
Feeling all alone

Time is fluid
By chasing today away
It kept me anchored
In yesterday

Time is fluid
My once worst enemy
Challenging my senses
My very sanity

Time is fluid
A flickering light
Against its flow
I once flailed in fight

Time is fluid
Yet I’m learning not to dread
I will have plenty of it
Before I am dead

Time is fluid
I fear it no more
I’m learning to run freely
Time has evened the score

Time is fluid
Yet if I slow down
I can become content to be here
To be alive and sound

Time is fluid
It is becoming an ally
I am sprouting wings
In time I will fly

When I entered therapy I thought the grief
Would never ever leave me, would never go away
I felt I could never have any happiness
With the agony I experienced in that day

I feared I would start weeping
And that it would never cease
The truth is that with each shed tear
Has come enormous release

There once was a time when crying
Was a dangerous thing not then allowed
So all of my feelings had to be held inside
My yesterday’s became entangled with my now

Once I began to shed tears
There came to my insides
A deepening sense of inner peace
And I began really healing and learning besides
I implore you if you are a person overwhelmed by grief
To listen to what I say because I’ve been there
One day you’ll realize as you go throughout your day
That the tears have slowed and you feel more of life aware

Don’t be afraid to allow
Someone else to see your weep or mourn
For the tears will slow and to a reasonable flow
And you will find yourself reborn    

Fear not, the tears will cease