You forget how to love her and she forgets what it’s like to feel like there’s enough oxygen in her lungs. Oddly spaced breaths and too much blinking – how can she even walk in a straight line these days? You’ll go right, knowing she’ll go left and you’ll lose sleep over it because what you think is best always turns out to be the worst mistake. And you promised her you’d stop trying to solve all your problems by drowning yourself in alcohol and in return she granted you the softness of her skin, the brightness of her smile. Without your drinks – you aren’t yourself. That’s what you tell her. She laughs and tells you she knows who you are, don't worry. And you don’t understand because you don’t even know who you are but you’ll believe just about anything if it means getting out of this and being able to hold on to her and her jasmine scent. She's just like spring; and where you live there's only ever two seasons.

A day, an hour, this moment.
Nothing is ever the same as it was, nothing will never be the same again.
As the wind blows through the trees, whistling gently, you are swaying with the energy of change.
Evolution is the ticking of time, the seconds as they rhythmically and faithful carry on, no matter what.
As the sun rises, a new day begins, as it sets, it leaves the promise of tomorrow laying softly on your pillow.
Your soul knows the song the world is singing, humming along quietly, even if you cannot hear.
I have seen your fear, but you have no reason to be afraid. You are a second of time that will keep on ticking. You are the wind in the trees, the sun on your pillow.
your soul knows.

Fear is a vine that beats down across my back, leaving uneven lines and parallel marks.
Is it always the prettiest flowers that become the most deadly? You’re poisonous to the touch.
All that calms me is all that fails to bring me happiness. Your jasmine scented perfume only reminds me of a love left unanswered; of a bird too scared to lift its wings and try out flight.
Maybe I would like the cold when I wake up, a thick shield of darkness to cover up and hide the person who I was never strong enough to be.
You’ll look me in the eyes when you tell me that it’s too hard to love me. Those oceans will be replaced with dull, empty ponds but you’ll mean every word, you’ll speak as if getting it off your chest will make the sun come back.

You darkness is like symmetry, with its perfect lines and unchangeable parallels.
You eyes which enchant me, like the ocean after a man has drowned at sea.
your soul plays a symphony which vibrates throughout my entire being,
leaving no space, no room to breathe – only a twilight filled melody that
escapes through the small gap of your bruised lips and into the very darkest
part of my being. Into a heavy silence dripping with blood, with regret that
lay only inside of me. A mournful mess of veins and words left unsaid, what
goes around, must come around. Your darkness is like symmetry.  
You, the black swan, are too beautiful to bear. Too perfect to swim in such filthy lakes.

the fragility which you encompass is much too rough for my black and blue hands to grasp.

i try to treat you as kindly as i can. try to fill up the spots inside you where others should have left their love but forgot that they had any, and who they could've given it to. i try to treat you as wisely as i can, so you won't grow up wondering what love is, and if it's real or not. so that you aren't sitting alone at a bus stop at 2am trying to come home from work to an empty apartment. i try to treat you as gently as i can, so that when you feel my fingertips against your skin, you can forget his. i try to erase the bad and fill you up with so much love and care that the past won't matter anymore. i try, but it's not good enough. i'm sorry. i'll try harder.