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I think it's stupid that you're gone, and the stars are still around. Every night I can look to the stupid sky and see the shimmering light from too many stupid years ago but I can't see you.
I think it's stupid that I told someone how angry this made me, and they were stupid enough to say, "maybe they're up there too." I've never made anyone feel that stupid with a look before.
I think it's stupid that you're gone but the stupid voicemail you left me saying, "I love you" is still around and you're nowhere to be found.
I think it's stupid that there are still phone booths, crayons and wite-out on this stupid paradoxical planet, but not something people still want around.
I think it's stupid that...
I just think it's so stupid that I let you tell me that you'd always be here for me, because I knew I was stupid enough to believe you if I ever became stupid enough to let you say it to me.
I think it's stupid that I let you drive to me that night knowing how dangerous the stupid black ice was going to be to your stupid blue car.
I think it's stupid that you loved me enough, to be stupid enough to drive here in the first place.
But really, ultimately,  I think it's just so **** stupid that I was stupid enough to watch them bury you under six-feet of stupid Earth, and not say goodbye.




I'm sorry I'm stupid.
I'm okay, I promise.
 Apr 2016 Miss Honey
Li
sorry
 Apr 2016 Miss Honey
Li
every
I love you
that comes out
of your mouth

wouldn't do

I was just not ready
to be found
the night when you held my hand and talked to me about the constellations and I started getting a rash from the grass but I ignored it because I didn't want anything to ruin the feeling growing inside of my chest and I think you could tell but you didn't say anything either maybe it's because you felt the same way I mean you did kiss me didn't that mean something didn't I mean something how could you let that go how could you let me go I thought you were the colors of the sunset and the first breath after being under water but you aren't you are just a rainstorm on a day I forgot to bring an umbrella
-
I danced on table tops with beautiful people dripping in sweat
moving, swaying, touching with hands and feeling with mouths
I thought about you when I was pressed up against her
thought about the nights I used to spend pressed up against you
oh, how I long to have that back
you once said the word "always" in the same sentence as the word "love"
and I haven't been okay since then
-
the air stings my bare skin
I can see my breath
I can see an escape
the overcast white is too bright
for my tired eyes
and my wandering heart
and two different cars
crashed in the exact same spot
two mornings in a row

and I could only help but laugh
at the synchronicity of the universe
or the foolishness of young toyota drivers
trying to believe their own mystery

two mornings in a row
I'm at loss for words
or certainty
but today
I saw an exit,
and it wasn't nosediving off the road
me:

i am moving across the country
                                         
i will be gone for four years

i will be writing and seeing and photographing

and hell is not a place,
hell is having to kiss your face goodbye.

him:

i miss you already

i have a good pair of binoculars

your dreams are beautiful and i am patient as a lion after prey

heaven is not a place
heaven is knowing that we are that one-in-a-billion story that stretches past distance and lasts forever
Please splatter me onto the pavement
like
sunday morning jelly on toast.
I can examine each
single
blade of grass from this sweet high
but all I’m asking for is some **** sleep.

October 24, 2013 10:02 am
There are scores of characters seen
from the third story window.
They litter the walks:
step after invisible step, past imperfections in the damp cement.
I wish I had their consent,
to interrupt their set,
to interject:
curiously, coolly, calmly,
to tear every costume to shreds,
to mend the script that's been
written on every bathroom wall,
every dorm room hall,
and in monopolized letters to all.

It wages on and on
like some cranking machine overseen by fashionable businessmen
and their thirsty paper money hearts.
But, there are times
when the walks are vacant and lonely
and the set is silent,
no acting for an hour or two.
They're getting their makeup done,
practicing their lines,
and warming their jaw muscles
for the next play of the day.

There are scores of characters seen
from the third story window.
Littering the walks,
and putting on plays.

All for my afternoon rest.
I used to write

like if I said it enough
found the right way
suddenly someone would grasp
understand, untie me

as if, in naming my fears
they would stay in plain sight
not in shadows
dancing on the wall

like if my tongue
could blunder through
the brambles in my throat
I would stay
awake
aware
afloat
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