My perfect plan
was to push you away
Trying to convince myself that you could never love me
You see beauty
But all I see is a love imposter
trying to make sense of deadly attraction
I confess my feelings
caught up in my own vices
I run away
late nights waiting for your reply
but still silence is obvious
the freight-train racing through my mind
your absence is a stain I can't wash away
So i stare wondering why you're not here
were you pretending all along,
and why can't I seem to let you go?

I bring my own hopes up
Just to ***** myself over
my vicious demise

time and time again.

I'll walk alone with all this pain.
Pain that kills me inside.
Pain, depression and devastation.
Secretly hiding behind that ever was.
A smile.
I kept it in, for months.
Suffered, of the attacks.
Feelings that drew me close to the edge of death.
Pulling me way from the withdraw of the world.
Who was I?
A complete disaster was all I could see.
A hideous figure in the mirror screaming for help and apology.
All I needed was help.
Behind the mask lies the real me.
Suffering from what I'm suppose to be.
Perfection was never an option.
The horrible flaws that had me under escape.
I'm tired of hiding,
Tired of being unseen,
Tired of accepting what isolation really means.
I took the mask off as I led the unfold,
and showed the world what was left untold.

They say i'm weak
but the truth is
I've been strong for so long
From the outdoors, they see me
Unbreakable and happy
But deep on the inside
I suffer from bottled up pain
Feel as if I'm dying
That I won't be able to make it to the end
That my whole world is falling apart in my own arms
Knowing that all those beautiful words
were really raveled up lies
Coldness takes over me and I'm unsure of survival
Trying to fight the pain with all my might
But all I can do right now is look towards the light

I saw an old friend today.
She'd aged 30 years
in the few she'd been away.

Her former glow is all but gone,
No spark behind her green eyes.
Little more than skin and bone.

Time takes us all for a ride,
And leaves the marks on us
To check our faith and pride

But the woman I saw was not
A victim of time, no,
Her fate has been hand-wrought

My heart is broken, I fought tears
While she stood there
Recounting addiction that had added those years

I saw an old friend today
That time and ****** have taken away.
She says she's clean,
Trying to get her **** together.
Her face is skeletal,
The track-marks got her arms like leather.
But she says she's better.
It's hard, but she's better.
She just needs a break,
And if the world will let her
A chance to come back,
A chance to start over,
She says she's clean again,
She tells me she loves me,
And that last part is the straw
That breaks my emotional back,
And the pain in my chest
Feels like a heart attack
And I hugged her as if
I'd never see her again.
And begged any God that would listen
To prove me wrong.

I'm dreaming
of laying in a field
of wild poppies.
Their fragrance
sweet as sugar.
Their petals
softer than silk.
I imagine
them wrapping
around me,
soothing me,
singing lullabies,
as I slowly
drift up high
into infinity.
Where the moon
shines bright
guarding the heavens.
I will kneel
before her,
asking her
to hang me
as one of her
most beautiful
stars in the sky.