The world is spinning…
Is it just me?
Is it inside of my head?
Or is it really out there to get me?
The voices are getting louder and I can’t breathe.
Telling me things, I was really planning to do but I can’t.
Is this really it?
Is this really my worth?
Oh my god…
Please help me.
I can’t breathe. The world is spinning. Something’s inside my heart, it’s pulling it out.
There’s something in my head too. I don’t know what it’s called. It’s taking over me…or is it just me?
Is it inside? Or is it out there to get me?
The tears. I can’t stop my tears from falling.
They came here in my chest…oh my god I can’t help it.
I want to scream. I want them to stop. It’s killing me. The pressure’s killing me.
I looked around and saw them staring at me.
The look in their eyes, it’s telling me something.
I’m different.
I’m no one.
I’m ugly.
I’m disgusting.
Why am I here?
I look different.
I should die.
Oh my god. I should die.
Can’t they feel that they’re killing me?
With those judgmental stares…it’s killing me.
Everyone’s killing me.
Everyone’s killing me with their stares.
Please…don’t look at me like that. What have I done?
I didn’t do anything. I didn’t…it’s not like I killed anyone.
My only sin is that I’m me…is that bad?
Oh please look away…It’s killing me.
I gasped for air…
Oh, someone stood beside me.
She’s not looking at me. That’s good.
Might as well try to…oh, she looked at me.
My heart started beating fast…oh please, not that kind of stare.
Oh please, don’t walk away, I didn’t do anything!
Nobody wants to be near me.
I can hear them saying, “She’s different.”
I can hear them whispering about me.
I can hear them laughing.
They’re giggling…
They’re staring…
What did I do wrong!
Oh my god, this is driving me insane.
Oh please help me…I can’t take this anymore.
I can feel them all staring at me. Judging me as if I’m a criminal.
Why are they all staring?!
Their sharp gazes, looking me from head to toe.
I looked down at my feet and started walking.
Even though I can’t see them, I can feel their head turned to me.
I should walk faster.
Yeah I did.
But then I bumped into someone and I immediately said sorry.
She just looked at me, from head to toe and rolled her eyes before walking pass to me.
I hung my head low, and looked to my feet.
Tears…
My tears can’t stop falling…
Why are they doing this to me?
My mom doesn’t even care, my dad is not here.
My brother doesn’t know what is happening.
My friends are busy, my teachers are busy…
Where to run?
Where to…
I looked beside me, and saw a car.
I saw someone in the window of it.
Who’s that?
She’s so ugly.
She looks pathetic.
She looks different.
My eyebrows furrowed and the reflection copied me.
My eyes widened.
I raised my right hand; it raised its right hand too.
I slowly approached the black tinted window, and it did it too…
I touched the cold glass and it touched my hand too!
Oh…
I chuckled.
Idiot.
That’s me.
That’s me, the one I’m staring with.
I looked away, I can’t look anymore.
So that’s why…
That’s why they’re staring at me like that…
I chuckled…
And then I laughed…
And then I laughed louder…
I can feel everyone’s staring at me with those weird looks on their faces right now…
Well! That’s nothing new…
The only thing now is that…I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I stopped caring.
I laughed so hard that my tears can’t stop falling.
I laughed so hard until I coughed and coughed but I still continued laughing anyways.
So…that’s why! That’s why! That’s why they’re looking at me!
Judging me
Because that’s how I looked!
I look ugly!
I’m not like those girls with straight nose and beautiful eyes,
Skinny bodies and **** curves.
I’m not like those that have skinny cheeks…I have fat ones…
I’m not like them…
I look different!
I laughed and ran!
I think it got me now…whatever it is.
Whatever what’s in my heart earlier totally got me right now.
I feel mad.
I feel mad.
I feel mad.
For myself and everyone.
That’s why?
That’s why they’re like that?
That’s why I’m like this?
Why?
No one.
No one understands.
No one cares.
All they do is judge.
Judge someone who they only saw that’s different from them.
Judge someone without knowing them.
Without knowing me.
Laugh at it.
Talk about it.
Don’t they know it’s hurting?
I found a bridge!
No one cares.
I feel mad.
Even my brain doesn’t care.
It’s painful you see…
Dad…mom, it’s so painful, but…where are you?
You should comfort me right? You should tell me that they are the wrong here, right?
Dad, mom, I’m so sad right now. I always feel like this.
I want to be happy.
But they can’t accept me!
Now I know why they’re doing that! I saw it!
Dad…mom! Where are you?
Oh…I see you’re busy.
You don’t need to scream at me to go away…I’ll leave now.
I’m sorry mom…dad. I guess you’re like them too.
Friends…why are you ignoring me?
I need you…
Oh…you’re busy?
Okay…I’m sorry.
I stepped on the foot of the bridge…
Ooooh, the water’s inviting me to come…
I think it’s cold…but not as cold as them.
Oh! It’s calling me now! The thing that was chasing me
The thing that I was telling you.
Oh…I think I heard a scream?
I think it’s telling me to stop?
I turned my head around and there I saw many people.
I can’t make out their expressions…I think its pity?
Shock?
Mercy?
I smiled at them…a mad smile.
A smile with tears on my cheeks, from my eyes…that came from my heart…
Ha!
Oh.
It’s calling me.
It said it’s comfortable there.
Over there.
It said my pain will end.
It said they’ll love me there.
Oh! I want to be loved! I heard that once!
I loved someone once…but well, I know he won’t love me.
He’s perfect…I am not.
I’m not worth it for him.
He was my everything…
I love him.
Love?
I heard that was an amazing feeling…
You know, to be loved…to be taken care of…to have someone to listen to…
Okay.
I jumped!
Wow, it’s high!
I think I heard some people scream?
Maybe they’re happy now that I will be gone!
I felt the water hit my body…
Oh, it’s really cold.
But not as cold as them.
My lungs suddenly wished for air…
It started to suffocate me…
But not as much as suffocating as them…
I need air.
But I won’t swim back.
It’s killing me…
But not as much as they’re killing me…
My thoughts started to become blurry…
I think I’m going to end this here now…
I’ve been strong for too long…didn’t I?
I should rest now.
Mom…dad…
I just hope you listened to me…just once.
I’m not happy…you see.
I’m not happy…
I’m not happy…
I feel sad.
I feel so alone.
Can you hear me?
I hope you were there…but you’re not.
I think it’s too late now. Goodbye.
Friends…I understand.
You’re busy…
Good luck!
Well…goodbye for me…
I hope to see you there.
And to you…
Yes you…
G-Goodbye…
T-they’re happ-yy…n-now…a-ree t-theyy?
Hehe…
I-ca n-n’t f-feel an-nythingg an-nym-ore…
Hmmmm….