I hear the toll**
   *  Screaming through dry space
  Cracked and fragmented as my own face
Is the sound of fate
      That tolling
  Rolling and rolling
   Stopping and strolling
  Making its way nonetheless
        It played
      Hot and decayed
    Metallic song frayed
       Etching my bones in its stress
I stared at length
        My eyes unhinged
  Bathing in revelation
        The heat subsided
   As I realized
I was the sound's destination
      I layed down cold and did as told
And never asked anything
It was within myself the Fate Bell tolled
With an ever rising ring

Alive and kicking, above ground.
At the last gasp, *release

The room floated away
     Careening through street lamps and parked cars
    Flying through neighborhoods and dirt roads and green pastures
     It shot upward
A carpeted rocketship among dying stars

        I moved to touch you but you turned and left
     You opened the door and pushed yourself down
Hurtling toward Earth with reckless abandon and an annihilative smile
       I felt the shock of you hitting pay dirt way up here in my heart
You found peace in the rubble of the comfort of others
     And though it hurts my thoughts to know you're gone
   My soul knows I'm the same.

Way up here in this room shaped rocket I know we're both the same.

This coffin
    I inhabit
         Floats along the nonexistence
    Of space
And time

        In such a way as to make me forget what comfort ever was
     Days become eons
Trapped in a box reeking of death and lacking in emotion
     I become nothing more than a trained chimp
            Acting out "living" as I see actual humans do

all for a few measly peanuts

*yes oh yes I wouldn't mind if this rolling coffin crashed and burned if for nothing more than to end this surreal nightmare of not existing

I pile stuffed animals on my bed
Seeing stuffing instead of red
Clinging to them tight
They know how to hold me right
Back to childhood
Where everything was always good
No scars to bear-nothing to fear
And smiling ear to ear in a mirror
Reveling in the scent of those days
I snuggle close and everything else dies away
With what's left of learning our letters
Hoping as we get older that everything gets better

Lying down on the bed
Motionless
Thoughtless
I'm ringing the doorbell
He's watching from a distance
Merely watching
I'll walk back to the car
And drive past the sycamore
The trees, they were your favourites
The dead ones probably burnt by those firemen
Now there are no trees, there are buildings
There's a cemetery
There's a dead body in the cemetery without trees
The soul is your sisters'
The sister who was killed with knife I was looking for yesterday
I was looking for that knife
But you found it
You found it beneath the candles wax
Wax that melted when your sister killed herself
You scraped of every bit and took out the knife
And killed yourself
He lies motionless
Thoughtless
At a distance
I keep ringing the doorbell.

Suddenly, life comes crashing in
calling you to participate or leave.
Run or stay, either way life wins, you die in the end.
Spin that roulette wheel, red or black
place your bets, live or die.
What if living is a form of dying?
And dying a form of living?
Who are we to conform in this beautiful carousel of life?
Why do we have to live by rules?
Who made these rules?
Rules are made to be broken.
Hearts are made to be broken.
Why try? after all no one gets out of death alive.
And no one alive gets out of dying.

Looking through windows of my past and your present
I have to say I start to feel my confidence lessen
No doubt we all learn lessons that invoke progression
But as to my direction I'm stuck here guessing
You smile too big and I wonder if its the same I wore
But hearing that name, in this time frame I cant think anymore
So im stuck to looking through windows of your present and my past
Calling out that name and knocking on the glass

At one time I could see her and how we would grow
But all we did was grew apart
Remnants buried in snow

The winter of any love is cold and desolate
Wandering through white where once there was color
Frost bitten tears say you have to make the best of it
But your heart is stubborn and steadfast that you love her

I think hypothermia kicks in when she doesn't pick up
Her heart beating fine without mine
My body froze solid still trying to knock

On that window from the*         *outside