Nothing my friends see reminds them of me

I've learned that over the years

That I am not important enough

For absolutely anyone

Yeah life is tough

Under this burning sun

Under these bright ******* stars

Remains a girl so scarred

I'll take what I can get

Even if it breaks me to pieces

I look up at the sky and always wonder why

I was put here with no purpose but to be used and die

How could you love me?

How could you love this shameful flesh?

How could you love me when I have nothing left?

How many wounds does it take to heal?
Keep hurting yourself so you can feel
Keep letting in these horrid thoughts
Memories that leave you distraught
Trials of long ago
What must I prove I do not know
Will I ever know?
You're a carrier of some unexplained disease

I think of it when I see the sway of the trees
An entity that makes them sway
And I think that could be me
That could be me
Yet all I can do is break things down
Rip their roots up from the ground
Wish I could be someone else
So my heart wouldn't always pound
With fear at every sound
I wanna drift through the wind
Like these last fall leaves
Cause spring is coming

So let me breathe
So let me free
So let me breathe
So let me...

I get so irritable
I feel so mean
The one thing that soothes my soul is the way your eyes gleam when you smile at me
My heart is blooming
The days are gloomy here when you are gone
I can fly through space when I'm cradled in your arms
Butterflies will race through my stomach and my heart
It will flourish
And it is blooming
My heart is blooming for you
It's vines reach the sky so blue
and the world keeps spinning
So we keep on going
Yes my love keeps growing
Through space and time
Keeps on climbing when I die
I didn't know heaven till I met you
I didn't know happiness could be so true
Till I loved you

Tonight my mom is having a manic episode just like I do.
Passed down from generation to generation is a shadow , a void deep within our minds.
I feel ill and twisted. Like the vines growing in my veins , growing thicker and begging to burst. Just so dark crimson can run down my arms , my legs , my eyes. Fading into black and growing thinner. Falling onto dimly lit tiles and rising up as dark smoke.
I am suffocated by my thoughts that are slowly blending into real life. Like paint that is every color of the rainbow being swirled together until it turns sickly green brown, like my eyes.
I admire an iris that hasn't been tainted like mine , diluted , dripping. Eyes that haven't seen what I have as a little hopeless child. A happy child , a sad child , a broken child. It was too real. Too bright and blinding to be nothing.
Shining into my pupils , traveling into my soul, reflecting my being for the world to see. I am ashamed.
I was weak, I am weak. I am sorry mom and dad. That your pain has made me and not your joy.
A product of dark memories and buried thoughts. I tried to hide it, so I wouldn't become worse.
I can't ever promise I will love myself and who I let myself become. The scars have burned too deep; but I will always love you.

I don't know how to comprehend
A life with an end. I keep racing through the streets. You won't ever find me asleep. I keep chasing something unknown, I know they're here but I still feel alone. I can't help but think that their love will shrink. I'm so afraid , im hiding in the color gray, I watch everything fade. Colors become a concept. End it all with 1 big step or blunt force to the head. A hole in my heart. It beats too fast, yet I breath so slow, he says I'm warm but I feel so cold. So as the rain trickles down on the sand, and the waves start to fold. I hold on to the thought that I won't grow old. I need so much time. Fear is just a feeling, but my life as I know it is truly fleeting. I've changed my past. Reshaped it in my palms and sculpted it into a lie. I've averted my eyes from what's real. I kneel in front of my future trapped in the present, begging for forgiveness, pleading an escape. Ice cold tears and stinging cheeks. A heart that doesn't let me speak. I am sorry.

I don't ever want you to leave
I can't imagine life without you
Where I am and who I am
Every tear I shed for you

My love is overflowing
And nothing can intercept us
Or break us
We are unstoppable if you
Would take my hand and trust my heart and soul
To keep you safe within them

With tired eyes I look beside me and you aren't there
I crave to see your warm blue eyes looking into mine

Don't worry dear I am trying
I am gonna make it happen
I am gonna try my hardest

Fall and get up
Climb the highest of mountains
And push against the current

Distance
There is no border between us just lots of roads
Rarely do we hold each other but when we do I know

That my heart hurts for you but it loves you so
My heart skips and races , it slows and it flutters , with every look, with every touch , the soothing sounds you make and when our lips meet

You are my sun and my stars you are a universe

I love you and it only gets stronger

It's okay if you cry and it's alright if you feel like a gray sky

Cause it is just a feeling love and the truth is that you are not

You are a vast and beautiful sky , pink and blue and firey Orange
Full of something more
More than you can ever imagine

And as the day darkens and we run through the sand
I just wanna keep feeling your hand

Promise that you will never fade
You are the light that guides me to a safe place

And that place is your arms
Lead me into your arms

Never let me go and
We can heal each others scars

Kiss me again and again as we grow old
I'll kiss you again and again through warm summers and the cold

I love you
You are not a burden
You are a galaxy

That I forever want to explore

I've been waiting in the water
Waiting for a sign
Water gets deeper
Every single time
You break my heart
I start to cry
Drowning in my tear drops
I don't know why I was surprised
I did this to myself
These tears that take my life
Are mine

I feel like I've given up. Nobody cares, not even you so why am I drawn to you? I hate this emptiness , I want to rip it all out but there's nothing there , so it's pointless.
  
I am trapped in a cage of ribs , my heart and my decisions are too strongly connected, this way of living is not safe, so I'll leave you alone so you won't get infected.

I apologize again for diving too deep into your ocean blue eyes. I drowned in them a year ago. I'm sorry that we couldn't say our last goodbyes.

I scribbled your face into wasted trees, I gave them to you even if doing so made it hard to breath. I fell too hard , I wish I wasn't raised to believe that finding love will set me free.

My eyes are green like toxic water.
My hair is tinted like a blood stained raven.
My teeth are chipped picket fences.
My mouth is a locked safe.

My skin is simply a layer of dirt to hide my guilt.
I do not feel whole, I do not feel real.
I am a broken home for the dead.

My nails are worn down blades that are eternally dull.
My tears are acid rain and my cheeks are dying roses.
I do not feel real I do not feel whole.
Who's nightmare am I living in?

I can't face it
because I am not sure
If it will let me breath
If it will leave me on my knees
Buried in the sand
Drowning in the waves
Trying to get out
Alive in my grave
But it's too late